So completely lost...

[@llli*smellinglikeafairy]

As a first time mother, I have no idea what I am doing. The wealth of information available to me only makes it worse. I can't help but notice that I pick and choose whatever sounds best to me - but is it really?

Many first-timers have the good fortune of receiving bountiful tips from their mothers. Of course most people probably experience the negative side of that too - having all your opinions shot down because new information isn't as reliable to experienced mothers with, well, experiences, that worked well for them but are now challenged. I've got the second part but not the first. My mother never breastfed, the baby's other grandma stopped breast feeding after just over a month, so their knowledge is limited. Sometimes I feel like there's no one to turn to for advice and emotional support. And it's not just the breastfeeding issues that are driving me crazy either, it's the questions without answers. Is it really ok to substitute one of my newborn's feedings with a bottle of tea (sounds fishy, mom's idea, o crusade rather)? Isn't sleeping on his back the safest? Is it bad that I'm feeding him a bottle of formula once a day or is it really healthy because of the extra iron? He can't be spoiled yet by be held when he cries, can he? Is it really so bad to share the bed with him once or twice a day?

Everyone has something different to say. In the end I suppose the best advice, the most reassuring advice I've gotten so far can be summed up as: "You're the mother, trust your instincts, and do whatever works for you and your baby". Still though, on those rough first nights, it's good to know there's somewhere to turn.

(and if anyone happens to have an opinion on those above questions, that would be nice to hear - a few more ideas wouldn't hurt )

[@llli*nolamomma]

So many choices and they all have such a huge impact!

Here's where I stand:


*No tea or formula, breastmilk only for the 1st year
*Sleeping on their backs is the safest, but my kids only slept on their tummies with all the proper safety measures being taken
*The iron in formula is not necessary. You have everything your baby needs.
*You cannot spoil a newborn. You can make them safe, secure & confident by meeting their needs compassionately and attentively.
*We don't share a bed, but I urge others to do it if it works for you! I do share a bedroom with my youngest.
*If it feels wrong to you, it probably is.

These are serious issues and I'm glad to see you are taking them as such.

[@llli*lllcarmen]

Hi,
The title of this thread describes so many of us I think in our first days of mothering and breastfeeding. My mother was not the tip type and my mother-in-law who had tons of tips has never met an old wives tale she didn't believe hook line and sinker. She did breastfeed but by the time my son came along it had been like 25 years since she had last breastfed. I also experienced having hardly anyone to look to for answers or support. When I "found" a local la leche league when my son was 11 wks old I was relieved to have someone to ask questions to, but I still wasn't sure if I "fit" with these mothers. It didn't take me long to realize that league mothers came in all shapes and sizes and they all accepted me as the mother that I was. The best part was that they constantly reinforced that I had good instincts if I would only listen to them, that I was the expert on my baby.
Now that being said, You are the expert on your baby and it sounds like you are doing a great job. While you are spending time worrying about all of these things be sure to take a moment to look at your baby and really recognize what a wonderful job you are (and will continue) doing as a mom. The worry itself I have heard, never goes away, I think as mothers we just worry about different things as they get older. All important in their own right, worrying goes hand in hand with mothering. I think if you go back and look at your questions there are a couple you know the answer to you just need to trust your instincts. There is one question that I wanted to mention.

Is it bad that I'm feeding him a bottle of formula once a day or is it really healthy because of the extra iron?

First I wanted to link to a section of the LLL website:http://www.llli.org/FAQ/vitamin.html
specifically the section on iron says

Iron According to THE BREASTFEEDING ANSWER BOOK, published by LLLI, the iron in human milk is better absorbed by your baby than is the iron in cow's milk or iron-fortified formula. This means that the quantity of iron in human milk is appropriate for baby instead of the larger quantity in cow's milk. The full-term healthy baby usually has no need of additional iron until about the middle of his first year, around the time he starts taking solids. The high lactose ad vitamin C levels in human milk aid the absorption of iron, and breastfed babies do not lose iron through their bowels.

So basically only you can decide if that bottle of formula is bad, but the baby doesn't need that bottle for the iron it provides. You provide all the iron the baby needs through your breastmilk.

I don't believe any baby or child for that matter can be spoiled by too much loving, holding and cuddling. These things build trust and love between you and your baby.

Lastly bringing the baby to bed with you is a personal decision, different things work for differnet families. If having the baby in the crib during the night and napping together in the bed during the day is working for your family do that. We had a family bed for a long time and we enjoyed it so much. Night nursing was so relaxing and I loved waking up near my nursling. Co-sleeping can be done safely with just a few precautions listed here:http://www.llli.org/FAQ/cosleep.html

Okay so I mentioned more than one of your questions....I just wanted to say again to trust yourself.
WarmLLLy
Carmen

[@llli*andreafromohio]

you can do it...
parentings a hard job but everybody does it in their own way.
The lessons you learn with your 1st baby you'll use with others that come along.

[@llli*ellasmama.2007]

Is it really ok to substitute one of my newborn's feedings with a bottle of tea (sounds fishy, mom's idea, o crusade rather)? Isn't sleeping on his back the safest? Is it bad that I'm feeding him a bottle of formula once a day or is it really healthy because of the extra iron? He can't be spoiled yet by be held when he cries, can he? Is it really so bad to share the bed with him once or twice a day?

you can do this, mama. Use your instincts! Take the help of others for what it's worth, well-meaning advice.

IMO:
Only breastmilk, definitely no tea or formula. Only formula-fed babies need that much iron because formula interferes with the proper absorption of it.
You can't spoil a helpless infant. they depend on mamas for everything and have no way of communicating or understanding except through our love.
I stopped co-bedding around 6 mos.

[@llli*fabmom]

The first post has all the replies I'd give you about the b/f questions and the rest. I'd second the comment that you CAN NOT spoil a newborn. My LO was held almost constantly by me, my husband, or a relative for the first eight weeks and she is great. She's calm baby and can spend a good 45 minutes in her crib looking at her mobile sometimes or "playing" on her activity mat. She is well-adjusted and, contrary to what some may have predicted, not clingy.

Definitely do not give tea to your LO instead of a feeding. Your LO needs the nutrients in breastmilk.

The old habit of "topping off" a baby with formula or giving a bottle of formula is antiquated and comes from a time when b/f wasn't widely discussed, encouraged or understood. Unless you have a documented supply problem, you'll be able to provide all the nutrients your baby needs through breastfeeding, about 8-12 times per day.

I take at least one nap a day with my LO, and she usually sleeps on my chest. Yesterday she napped and nursed in the side laying position with me for over an hour in the morning. As long as you're taking the appropriate precautions (loose bedding etc), it's safe, cozey, and emotionally nurturing for the baby.

The most important thing to know is what you'll read often in posts on this bulletin board: 6-8 wet and several poopie diapers per day plus adequate weight gain are the best indicators that your baby is getting enough to eat with b/f.

Thank your mom for her suggestions but trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right to you then it probably isn't.

[@llli*061607]

My mother did not breastfeed me, as I was adopted. My aunt did, but only for a short period of time. My g-ma did but she thinks my daughter needs water too. They all think I should stop when my daughter gets teeth and they prefer me to pump because they want to bond with her more.

My family is basically not a very good support system. *I* am with her all day and will always be here for her when she comes home from school. She needs to bond with me now. The support system I have is online. Through my livejournal in a community.

[@llli*smidgin]

Originally Posted by @llli*baby-got-back

So many choices and they all have such a huge impact!

Here's where I stand:


*No tea or formula, breastmilk only for the 1st year
*The iron in formula is not necessary. You have everything your baby needs.
*You cannot spoil a newborn. You can make them safe, secure & confident by meeting their needs compassionately and attentively.
*If it feels wrong to you, it probably is.

These are serious issues and I'm glad to see you are taking them as such.

As for sharing a bed, I co-sleep with both of my children. If it works for you, do it. Also, sometimes I let my daughter sleep on her tummy, but it is best to put them on their back to sleep.

[@llli*fabmom]

This bb is a great place to find support for breastfeeding since your local support is limited. I applaud your efforts and tenacity in the face of such frustrations and uncertainty!

Just a couple comments: babies do not need water in addition to breastfeeding. They get all the fluids they need from the breast. The concern your relatives have about wanting to bond with the baby is a valid one - I mean it's how they feel so it's a valid feeling. But, their need to bond with the baby shouldn't supercede your need and desire to b/f your LO or supercede the babie's need to get the best for her through breastmilk. There are lots of opportunities to bond with a baby that don't involve giving a bottle.

And, when she's a few weeks older, you could introduce a bottle of expressed breast milk (EBM) if you'll need to be able to give her bottles down the road. A relative could give her the bottle at that time and free you up to pump a little if you needed.

[@llli*ekaptian]

It sounds like you are a great mom...it's wonderful to hear that despite the information overload and conflicting advice you already know the answer...trust your instincts!

Regarding some of your questions, here are my personal responses:

A bottle of tea is not okay; your LO needs the nutrients from breastmilk at every feeding. Moreover, study after study after study has shown the benefits of EBF for the first six months; babies' delicate stomachs are not fully developed before then and introducing any other foods/drinks increases the risk of negative outcomes.

Formula is not necessary for breastfed babies. Even if you ceded the idea that an EBF baby needs extra iron (which is not supported by the evidence), this need could be met through vitamins; formula itself has far too many drawbacks (including interfering with the absorption of iron from breastmilk, and greatly increasing the exposure of your LO to allergens that could have long-term effects) to be given just for iron supplementation.

Back-sleeping has been shown to decrease the incidence of SIDS, so yes, all things being equal that is by far the safest position for an infant to sleep in. Bed sharing, done properly, is perfectly safe, with the added bonus of strengthening the breastfeeding relationship, and breastfeeding is the single thing that most dramatically reduces the risk of SIDS.

Finally, no, an infant cannot be spoiled. Period.