BF failure for DS - scared abt BF this time

[@llli*thenu]

I am not sure if this is the right place for this post ...

I was induced at 38 weeks when I was pregnant with DS because of diabetes. I had a emergency c section for fetal distress. DS was very small (5 pounds 9 oz) and had breathing problem when he was born so was in NICU for 3 days. Being a first time mom I had no idea about breastfeeding but desparately wanted to BF atleast for 1 to 2 years.

DS was given bottle in the NICU and I didnt know that I had to refuse it. Even while I kept on insisting that I had to start pumping while I was there in the hospital - the hospital nurse gave me the pump and explained the setup only after 24 hrs after the baby was born. being given bottle in the NICU, DS never showed interest in nursing . I tried everything - Lactation consultant ,SNS, finger feeding, nipple shield etc etc but nothing worked - DS screamed like hell whenever I took him to my breasts. I started having sever post partem depression and thought DS was avoiding me. Then my LC asked me to give a break for breastfeeding and start pumping - so I exclusively pumped. Meanwhile I tried every 2-3 days to every week for direct feeding - as DS grew he became more adamant. Then I resorted to exclusively pumping for 6 months.

I had to go on an international trip when he was 6 months - didnt want to pump in the plane and was worried about milk storage in India during my stay there (2 months). So I forcefully stopped my milk flow before the trip. Till this minute it hurts me to think about it and I think it would hurt till my last day that I was a failure in breastfeeding which was the most important thing I wanted to do for my DS.

Now I am pregnant with my baby girl due in Feb. I am going to have a repeat c section at 38 weeks because of diabetes. I am so scared when I think about how it is going to go. Even though I am a second time time mom - I still dont have any experience in nursing. Meanwhile I am worried about the big breast problem(expecting a small baby this time as well) - already I am 40D and by the time the baby comes I am sure I would be 40E or something.

What should I do to have successful breastfeeding this time ? how to prepare myself? I am thinking of going for some LLL meetings - is it worth attending now that I am only 6 months pregnant? I am trying to call some leaders in my area but no one is returning my call . Should I start looking for a LC now itself ... I would appreciate any help.

Thank you so much for reading - I am sorry it was so long just wanted to put everything I went through so that you can have a clear understanding.

[@llli*babysmitty]

I'm by no means an expert as DD is only 3 months old and is my first but before she was born I went to a BF "Lunch & Learn" at the hospital where I was going to deliver her. Perhaps your hospital offers something similar? I also found all the BF resources (i.e. drop in groups, LLL leaders I could call etc.) in my area so that I knew who I could contact for help if I needed it.

Having those numbers handy beforehand was key since I was tired, sore and hormonal and generally in no mood to be searching the internet for that information once I got home from the hospital.

I had some latch troubles with DD at first but I found knowing where to turn for help kept me from getting stressed out and upset that things were not going smoothly right off the bat.

Wishing you much luck with your new LO

[@llli*LLLMamaJulie]

Hello and welcome! I'm so sorry to hear about how difficult your first nursing experience was. It sounds like you worked very hard to provide the very best nutrition and mothering for your son.
Have you read, "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding?" It is a great resource.
Finding and attending local LLL meetings now sounds like a wonderful idea! The mothers and leaders can offer you encouragement and information as you prepare for your daughter's birth. Also, find and meeting with area LC's now would be great so you know who to call if you need help after your daughter is born.
Larger breasts and nipples paired with smaller babies, can be a challenge, as you've already learned. Some moms have found it necessary to pump for a short time while their baby grows a little and is able to latch on easier. This may not be the case for you though, you'll just have to wait and see. Perhaps this time, nursing will go very well for both of you!
Something you can provide for your baby even if she isn't able to latch on and nurse right away is skin to skin contact and snuggle time, as soon as you are able to hold her after birth.
Baby led latch is a great way to help a baby who is resisting latching on.
Also, a Biological Nurturing position (nursing while lying on your back in a reclined position with your baby on her tummy on your chest) may be helpful for both of you. Many moms have found it to be a great way to help their baby learn to nurse because it allows babies to work with their natural reflexes to find and latch on to the breast well.

[@llli*zplum]

HI! Congratulations on your newest addition. I think it's great that you are doing your research and preparing for BF before your baby is here. It can help you get into a good mental place. The first thing I want to say is that your DS is healthier and better off today because you pumped milk for him for 6 months. I could feel your sadness about stopping at 6 mos in your post. You did the best you could with what you had at the time mama
Second: Definitely find an LL meeting! They will be able to prepare you for BF. You can observe BF mamas and ask any questions you have. It is a very valuable resource! They can help you learn how to advocate for you baby and yourself in the hospital too. Remember: YOU are the mama and have the right to make the decisions about how YOUR baby is fed!
Lastly, don't stress about your breast size. I am a 40 F. I was a 40 DD before pregnancy. My baby eats just fine. A LC will be able to show you positions that work well for larger breasted mamas. I know it can be scary at first cause your breast is bigger than baby's head. I know how that feels and I was freaked out, but there are many holds and positions that work really well and are comfortable for you (esp. after a C-Section).

[@llli*thenu]

Thank you so much for the kind words. I was able to talk to a local LLL leader and she was very helpful. I am planning to attend a LLL meeting this week. I am also looking for a LC here so that I can meet with her before the baby is born and try to ask her to be with me in the hospital in the first few days to help me out. I hope and pray things would go better this time.

[@llli*andreafromohio]

you've got good help linned up!
that should help.

who knows this baby might nurse like a dream.?
My dd was born small and, I have large breasts. What helped us was to have good support for both the baby and I had to support my breast as well or she would slip down and not be nursing effectively. causing sore and cracked nipples.
this link might help


http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVMayJun89p35.html

[@llli*LLLMeg]

Since you know that you will be having a planned c-section, talk to the hospital about their policies. Some hospitals always separate baby and mom for several hours post-op. This is not necessary if both you and baby come out of the surgery doing well, and they should adjust for your desire to hold your baby and try to nurse in those first couple of hours. Yes you can nurse lying down, almost flat on your back, right after c-section surgery-I did it! The biological nurturing link above shows women nursing in a very reclined position so you can get the idea. Make sure the hospital will only separate you and baby for as long as is absolutely medically necc. and not for hours until you can move your legs or whatever they want due to "policy." I did C-sections both ways and believe me, holding baby sooner is the better way. But even if you cannot nurse right away, remember you are going in far better prepared this time AND every baby/breastfeeding experience is different. Enjoy the LLL meetings and Congrats!