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Thread: I'm really losing it...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
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    36

    Default I'm really losing it...

    I don't know how to keep going ... I think if I knew my 6wo DS would eventually latch I could keep trying. We're doing everything - skin to skin, cosleeping, SNS (no success), support groups. But he still won't latch.

    What is going on? I am exhausted and so tired of my stupid pump. I am tired of him screaming when we try to BF. It just feels so unfair. In addition, he basically needs to be held 24/7, and no dairy or soy for me.

    Do you think he will eventually BF? It seems impossible...

    Have to go, DS is crying again...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Sunny Arizona
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    3,171

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*eriedearie View Post
    I don't know how to keep going ... I think if I knew my 6wo DS would eventually latch I could keep trying. We're doing everything - skin to skin, cosleeping, SNS (no success), support groups. But he still won't latch.

    What is going on? I am exhausted and so tired of my stupid pump. I am tired of him screaming when we try to BF. It just feels so unfair. In addition, he basically needs to be held 24/7, and no dairy or soy for me.

    Do you think he will eventually BF? It seems impossible...

    Have to go, DS is crying again...
    A million hugs mama. You can get him to latch eventually. Could it be that he is used to bottle nipples and prefers the rubber type texture? Have you tried nipple shields so he thinks it's more like a bottle?

    Come back and give us some more info when you feel up to it. We'll try to walk you through some other tricks. I'm sorry it's so difficult right now. Some babies are just high needs. My daughter was like that. Babywearing saved my sanity. You can do this mama.

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    36

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    Yes, we were using a nipple shield. He is resisting that, too, and seems slightly more receptive to bare nipple. He licks milk off and fumbles around when he's sleepy, but nothing more than that.

    Thanks for the reply, it truly helps to vent.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    10,440

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    You described my first baby. Took me 8 weeks before he didn't fight me about nursing, and we nursed for 22 months.

    I PROMISE that BFing is easier in the long run than EPing.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
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    36

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    How did you do it? How did he turn the corner? Did you offer to BF at every feeding?

    It helps to know that we still have time and he could change his mind!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,959

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    You still have time. He could change his mind.

    I know this must be INCREDIBLY frustrating and exhausting. I know you are probably working harder than you ever have in your life. But now is the time to make the investment of time and energy. There are no guarantees that you'll get the big payoff. But someday you'll look back and you will be so proud of what you did. You'll know that you gave your all.

    Hang in there, Mama! We're all rooting for you!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    California
    Posts
    119

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    I had a similar battle, so I understand how exhausted you must be, and the dedication it takes to stick with trying to BF after 6 weeks of struggling... BUT, my DS is now 8 weeks, and I'm finally seeing real results, so I'm personally glad I stuck it out. But I remember right around 6 weeks is when I cried the most and came the closest to just giving up...So I hope you hang in there! These videos helped me a lot in trying to get DS to latch better. Maybe they can be of use to you, too. Plus there's a video on how to insert the SNS tube that I found helpful, as well. Good luck to you!!
    http://www.nbci.ca/index.php?option=...id=6&Itemid=13
    DS#1: Aidan, born 1/7/11 - 9 lbs. 5 oz. 22 in. (a difficult induced labor), BFed for 2.5 years after a VERY rocky start (indebted to LLL for the support)!
    DS#2: Amiel, born 12/11/13 - 9lbs, 22 in., 8 days "late," spontaneously, naturally & unmedicated after resisting pressure to induce.
    :

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    What happened to us was that my eldest son was given a bottle while I was in emergency surgery. I was transferred to the hospital postpartum, and while he had nursed prior to my transfer, it was apparently not enough for him. That big baby started showing some signs of low glucose, so he was given a bottle of formula.

    While I understand that it was needed at the moment, I learned there were other ways they could have supplemented him because from then on, nursing was completely difficult.

    During my hospital stay, I was told by several nurses that I would never be able to nurse such a big baby and that I should just quit, and one told me that it wouldn't happen because of my inverted nipples, threw a nipple shield at me, and left.

    Well, I do think that the nipple shield saved us, as he kind of liked it, and if I used it, he would nurse. Sometimes. But other times, I had to work and work and work to get him to eat.

    When he was around 6 weeks of age, I was totally ready to quit. I had spent every day and just about every feeding for the last month crying; my most successful nursing sessions were at bedtime. He was too tired to fight me, and I had figured out he kind of liked side lying nursing. And then I went to an LLL meeting, and I found the courage there to just keep on going, for one more day. And I decided to just force the issue. No bottles. No pumping. He was going to nurse. At the breast. And I spent the next couple days with a hungry baby in bed working on nursing. He was huge, well above birth weight, so he wasn't in danger. I knew he was getting some milk when he would at least come near my breasts as I had an OALD and I could hear him swallowing some milk between screams. But we did it. And then at 8 weeks, it was suddenly easy. He would nurse and not protest.

    But...it also turned out that there were several issues. I had OALD. I had an OS. He had reflux. Those things made him really quite uncomfortable. He didn't like the OALD. The OS probably made his stomach hurt. Reflux is really uncomfortable. And nobody pointed those out until well after I had forced the issue with the baby. But things got much easier after those things were smoothed out. The baby cried less.

    So, rule out medical issues, and problems with your milk. And then reassess. But you can do it.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    36

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    Thanks, everyone for your replies. You are giving me hope. It's been a tough couple days. We are trying with an SNS both with and without a nipple shield, but I have to say, no progress. It's mostly crying and pushing away.

    He's coming up on 7 weeks. I feel like we are running out of time.

    It all makes me so sad. I feel like it's all screwed up and I don't know where I should have done things differently. It was a tough birth (his apgar was 2, I didn't get to hold him until the next day) and he spent 8 days in the NICU. We tried BF asap, and every day since. Maybe his experience has something to do with what's going on now. He's healthy now, though now gaining very quickly. He's gained about a pound since birth.

    We've had lots of good help. I don't want us to be a lost cause.

    Please tell me your stories. I'd love to hear it can still be done.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,959

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*eriedearie View Post

    Please tell me your stories. I'd love to hear it can still be done.
    This isn't my story and it's not the same situation- but maybe it will help. When my little sister was 3 months old, my Mom came down with shingles, which is a reactivation of the chicken pox virus. Her doctor told her she needed to wean immediately because the baby "could go blind if she got it in her eyes." (This happens to be really, really bad advice- covering the shingles lesions would have been enough to prevent the baby from acquiring the infection, and the likelihood of chicken pox causing blindness is very, very small in any case.) So of course my Mom weaned cold turkey. My Dad told me recently that "trying to get your sister to take the bottle was the hardest thing I ever had to do. She was crying and crying. She didn't understand why she couldn't nurse. And of course your Mom was so sad."

    Eventually my sister did take the bottle. My Mom tried to maintain her milk supply, but had no pump, and had no luck with hand expression. By the time she was given the go-ahead to nurse again, my sister was 6 months old and her milk was GONE. Totally. The doctor told her not to bother trying to nurse, she'd never get it back. Well, my Mom showed him! She put my sister to the breast, and simply by nursing before topping up with formula, she was able to regain a full supply and nurse my sister until she was 18 months old.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

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