Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 27

Thread: I'm really losing it...

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    251

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    I was thinking about your posts all weekend while I was out of town, and have just a couple thoughts. Have you experimented with different nursing positions? When my daughter wouldn't latch well, my midwife kept trying to get me to hold her in the football hold (I don't remember why). But DD just flat-out would not nurse in that position and would just cry. I couldn't latch her in the cradle or side-lying positions, either, and my midwife brushed off biological nurturing, too (which I'm SOOO mad about in retrospect). I could only latch DD in the cross cradle hold on a My Brest Friend, wiggling the nipple into her itty bitty mouth which she refused to open more than a centimeter. We did this for about 10 weeks until she relaxed, let me hold her more naturally, and opened her mouth a little bigger (still not great in that department, though).

    I remembered there is a picture in the new Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (p. 278) of a mom bottle feeding her baby with the bottle tucked under her arm and holding the baby in the cradle hold, mimicking breastfeeding. The point, I think, is it is a way to help babies accept a bottle. I wonder if it would work in reverse? Like, try a bottle in this position, and then maybe move your LO over to the breast when he's had a little milk and is calm. You could try massaging your breast while he's at the bottle to get the milk all ready to go when you move him over. ???

    Many hugs. The other posters are so right, it's totally worth it in the end. It's impossible to have an emotional connection with a pump and a can of formula. For weeks on end, I told myself "you can do this one more time, just one more." I'm so glad I stuck with it. And if, after all, you do end up not nursing, at least you'll know you did everything you could for your baby and yourself.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    36

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    I am so touched that you were thinking about us ...

    I have tried all the things you mentioned. Thanks for the suggestions anyhow. Your DD's tiny mouth sounds just like my DS! He just never opens it more than a tiny bit, even when he cries!

    Here's the new development: one of the lc's I've been working with referred me to a pediatric BF specialist whom I will see day after tomorrow. She's an MD who specializes in this stuff! So we'll see if there's some underlying physical problem or anything else going on. I guess there are not too many specialists like this out there, so I feel glad there's one is our area.

    Every LC I've worked with says I'm doing everything right, even though DS is still not breastfeeding. We're taking a little break and I'm only offering him my breast a couple times a day, because, my gut feeling is that he's really, really tired out having his mouth/head messed with all the time.

    I will update after my appointment - would love to have a plan of how to proceed. He's still totally on breastmilk - just would love to get it to him w/o the bottle!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,623

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    Can't remember if this has been suggested or not- but while you're taking a break from nursing you might want to try to keep bottle-feeding as much like breastfeeding as possible. Here's how:
    - Use slow-flow bottle nipples
    - Use a bottle that promotes a more natural latch (Breastflow and Adiri make them)
    - When it's time to nurse, cuddle baby close to the bare breast, tickle his lips with your nipple or the bottle nipple and then wait until the baby opens WIDE before putting the bottle into his mouth.
    - Pause the feeding after every oz or so of milk, to make sure baby stays accustomed to the ebb and flow rhythm of breastfeeding.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Oreogn City, OR
    Posts
    72

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    My story is different too. Baby was 15 days late, was induced and one intervention led to another. ended up with a c-section and by the end of the week baby lost 9% of her weight (she was born at 9lb 7oz) and it was recommended we start formula. I wish we hadn't. My milk didn't come in till late the next week, bad latch+little milk + big baby=hungry baby. We had yeast, bad latch, and finally around 8 weeks she figured it out. now at 3 months she has a great latch and I have no pain (finally) but she takes so much formula that I've never really been able to get my supply up. At this point I'm really frustrated with breastfeeding because I've tried extra pumping, fenugreek, reglan, mother's milk tea, and I still can't seem to make enough for her. In addition, I've gone back to work and got on birthcontrol. She loves to nurse, but I feel like a failure because I know she isn't getting enough (she cries for a bottle when she's tired of nursing which takes anywhere from 10 mins to an hour). I realize the bottle is what's probably keeping my milk low, but I can't stand to just let her cry.

    Some milk is better than no milk though, so I'll keep it up till it dries up. I'm just feeling disheartened about the whole breastfeeding situation. I'm sorry your're having a hard time...i promise it does get easier. Also, Mommal has given advice on most of my posts and I think her recommendations are pretty good.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    36

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    I'm really happy to hear that she latched at 8 weeks! We're at 7 today - still no latch. But apparently it is still possible.

    It's so hard not to look back at all the things I wish had gone differently - I would guess you are feeling the same way. When you're out of it from a tough birth and you're baby's in the NICU, it's really hard to make all the right decisions. It's still hard to say where we coulda/shoulda done things differently. Sigh...

    ANYWAY, moving forward - I will try the feeding ideas from mommal. We have been using slow flow nipples all along. It sometimes takes DS an hour to take a couple ounces - he just doesn't suck very actively. I think maybe the BF MD that I'm seeing tomorrow may address this.

    I regret that we ever added bottles back into LO's feedings. At about 3 weeks, he had been totally on the nipple shield for a week when we realized he'd lost ALOT of weight, maybe around 12 oz., and was below his birth weight. He actually was starting to look gaunt. That whole week I'd put him to breast quite often, but he didn't actively suck much at all. We added in formula until I got my supply back up (didn't take too long). He slept for almost 2 days after that - I think he was so tired and hungry. But that's where things went from not great to really bad and he quit BF altogether.

    So here we are now. I'm trying to keep perspective. He's getting breastmilk. He's a sweet, wonderful baby. Six months ago I would have given my right arm to have a healthy, beautiful baby, bc we and our docs weren't sure that would be the case. Maybe a couple years from now I will wonder why I stressed so much about this.

    It just seems that BF is still the best thing for him. Why is something that's supposed to be natural SO hard? And maybe it's selfish of me, but I want to be part of the "club." BF moms are kind of like a sisterhood who are in agreement about how important breastmilk is for their babies. I totally agree, and I don't want to be kicked out of the "club" if we can't do this.

    I'm trying to think positively! Sorry for the ramble - I think having you all listen and try to help is what's keeping us going and sane right now. I really give kudos to you all who have battled through some difficult circumstances to BF your babies! Hugs to you all...

  6. #16
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,623

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*eriedearie View Post
    It just seems that BF is still the best thing for him. Why is something that's supposed to be natural SO hard?
    I remember feeling that I must be doing something wrong if something as natural as breastfeeding was so difficult. But now I remind myself that natural doesn't always mean easy. I mean, childbirth is natural and that's definitely not easy!

    And maybe it's selfish of me, but I want to be part of the "club." BF moms are kind of like a sisterhood who are in agreement about how important breastmilk is for their babies. I totally agree, and I don't want to be kicked out of the "club" if we can't do this.
    Mama, you will never be kicked out of the "club." Not here, anyway. I know there are people out there who will judge others based on how they feed their babies, but there are all sorts of reasons why breastfeeding derails and we know that you can't always win every battle. I think the reason most of us are here is that we have struggled with some aspect or another of breastfeeding. So we're here to support you, to encourage you, to help you attain your goals, whatever they may be- but not to judge you for things that may be beyond your control.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    36

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    Thank you. That actually made me cry

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    141

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    i read all of your posts and they brought tears to my eyes. obviously im quite emotional still (my baby girl is now 4 months old) Honey i wish i lived closer to you to offer you support and help you through this. Breast feeding is so hard at first. My babygirl and i also had a really rough start as well. I offer my story in hopes that it brings you some hope and encouragement to not give up!
    I went into labor and the overall it took about 25 hours. at first everything was going well, we were progressing, smooth riding. Then we got to 8 cm. and it stopped. my contractions were going away (even with the max dosage of pitocin) , i started to develop an infection from having my water broken for so long. needless to say, we ended up having a c-section. After the surgery they took her away for me for a few hours and they gave her bottles of formula, and a pacifier. matter of fact, they encouraged and kept suggesting it to me. in the end i believe that they screwed me. Of course since they fed her a bottle with formula, when i did get to see her, she wasnt hungry, so i couldnt get her on my breast.
    and everything just went downhill from there. i was exhausted from the surgery and i had no help from anyone with breast feeding. I had just moved to town here, so i could not ask any woman about breastfeeding, nor did any of my family members come out to help. (which let me tell you, was absolutely tiring experience having to come out of surgery, getting cut in half and the only help is your husband who goes to work in a few days) i was pretty much alone in my endeavor.
    i think because it was a military hospital they kicked us out 48 hours after surgery. anyway, i went home clueless with a new born baby and no milk in my breast. my breasts took FOREVER for the milk to come in because we were set back by what happened at the hospital. i was at home with a newborn screaming because she was hungry and i had nothing in my breast to offer. so, we did what we had to, and supplemented formula.
    she ended up dropping down a pound in weight the first week. i could not get her to latch on. or open her mouth wide enough to get my nipple in.

    she would scream and cry and just be so hungry and i felt like my world was just upturned. i felt like a horrible mother. i thought, what mother cant even properly feed her baby? what mother cant even do that? and i also was completely convinced that all of the people on here were full of it, when they said breast feeding gets easier just hang in there. i was so frustrated, how could the one thing thats so natural and so essential for a baby be such a hard thing?

    but i kept having to keep myself in check, it was so hard to deal with the feelings of being a failure, looking on in awe of these women who breastfed so easily, and my babyblues, but i just kept telling myself that my breast milk is the absolute best thing for my babygirl. so. we kept trying and trying.

    there was at one point where. i was sobbing uncontrollably on the couch in my living room alone, absolutely exhausted, in pain, trying to feed her. for seven hours straight. i felt like i was at my wits end.

    after a few days of this, it slowly started to get somewhere. she started to latch, NOT properly, but a latch none the less. i was so full of hope. then i started to get horrible cracked and chafed nipples. i didnt know at the time she wasnt latched properly. the words that describe what a proper latch "feels" like was... not... clear to me lol. so i bought a nipple guard. and we just continued to work on it from there.

    i remember after the days of empty sucking that my baby girl did, the next morning when i felt my breasts full of milk. i was so happy that i finally had milk to offer, then feeling so useless when i couldnt get her to take my breast to have it.

    but after endless hours of crying, and trying, and reading these forums for moral support (because god knows this was all i had) we made it. it took us 3 months, before she would willingly latch and feed. so, it may take some time. but mama, i promise. dont give up. just take a deep breath and take it step by step. i know you've probably heard already but, i noticed with my LO that it just worked best when she was sleepy. and i stopped as quickly as i could before she got too angry, i didnt want her to become angry or disinterested in the breast or associate breast with my frustration or anything.

    a million and one hugs for you and love. i hope that everything slowly starts to fall in place for you. keep us posted. hang in there. you're wonderful.

    XO

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    36

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    All you nursing moms are awesome I don't know how some of you have made it through to the other side, where things finally start going smoothly.

    So, here the update: met with BF specialist today. I feel kind of relieved that it's not necessarily anything we're doing wrong. It seems to be something structural with DS, which also explains why he doesn't suck well on a bottle wither and is not gaining very much weight (1 lb. in 7 weeks).

    His tongue is bunched, his mouth is tight, he can't (not won't) seem to open his mouth up. His lip is kind of pinched on one side - probably a remnant of a facial droop he had at birth which mostly (but apparently not completely) resolved. His suck is weak. So the MD thinks it might all be related. She's referred up to an osteopath who specializes in this stuff, too.

    Here's the positives: she says we're doing everything right. The bottles are ok. Same with the co-sleeping, baby wearing, choice not to fight at the breast. She thinks we're doing a good job setting up the right atmosphere for success.

    MD had me put him to breast after he had his bottle - and surprise! - he willingly hung out there with a nipple shield. I think DS was trying to impress her. (I think our kiddos do that to make us good bad - haha!) MD says he probably needs the structure of the shield for not, since he doesn't seem to be able to draw in a nipple effectively.

    So that's where we're at. Hopefully we still get to our end goal. I have to be grateful we're still getting breastmilk in him and it will be there for him if we can figure out how to help him. In the meantime, I am supposed to keep creating positive experiences at the breast for him.

    If you've dealt with structural stuff or osteopathy, let me know! Will update when we have more news.

    As an aside, DD #3 got her first visit from AF today. DD#1 gets temporary drivers license next month. It's so weird for those things to be going on, AND a LO! Ha ha!

  10. #20
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,623

    Default Re: I'm really losing it...

    Sounds like you had a good experience at the doc's! It's terrific that your LO will latch with the shield. Did anyone suggest trying a supplemental nursing system with the shield? Sometimes that allows a mom to feed the baby at the breast even if he's not nursing effectively.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •