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Thread: Tantrums? 14 months

  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
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    Default Re: Tantrums? 14 months

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    Yeah it's different. But I think a lot of new moms start out with this idea that saying no is bad or being hesitant to do it or that it's "Mean". And I think if you let go of that idea early you are less likely to beat yourself up when your toddler years don't go the way you dreamed they would.
    I let go of that idea pretty fast. I say NO all the time and don't feel bad about it one little bit.
    Mommy to 2 little boys!
    DS1 11/1/07 BFed 7 months
    DS2 11/6/09 BF 2 YEARS! and counting!

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    1,946

    Default Re: Tantrums? 14 months

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    You let go of the idea. YOU get used to it. Try it on. Firm is different than mean. Mean is trying to make them pay or trying make them feel bad. Revenge driven. Firm is consistent boundaries met with the same response. Over and over again.

    GREAT ADVICE!!!

    And get over not saying no. Because My 5 year old ask me 50 questions a day that the answer is no to just to check. Usually starting with "can I have some candy after breakfast?" NO. "Can I go to school without brushing my teeth?" "Can I watch TV?" Not because the answer will be different today. But because you have to try 50 times to get a yes. Probably. And believe me when I tell you that I pick my battles. I don't say no just to say it. He Jumps on the couch. He just brought inside a cone from the Pinata they broke open at his cousins B-day. It's full of candy. "Can I keep it?" "Yes. Put in the pantry." "Can I have some. I just ate all my breakfast?" "NO!"
    I try not to say no very often. Jayden will ask for candy for breakfast. I tell him he can have a piece after lunch, but not for breakfast. (first of all, we dont have candy. BUT after valentines day, or a pday party goody bag, then he wants it). I find for my kid, saying NO makes him ask for it MORE. But by saying yes, you can have it...just not now, he is more open to that answer.

    He will be jumping all over my couch and throwing things on the floor. I will tell him that if he needs to jump, I can bring in his mini trampoline, and if he needs to throw, he can do it in his room, where there is nothing breakable.

    He will want to wear a sleeveless shirt in the middle of winter. i say you can wear that shirt as soon as the weather warms up!

    It is EXHAUSTING to explain things over and over, but I get a MUCH better response then just saying NO all the time, cause then he ignores me or is immune to NO when I really need to use it. He is also EXTREMELY argumentative and when I say No he fights back..when I say sure, and add in my stipulation, he is much more receptive! He is 5.5 years old, so I can do thses things with him...

    For Miranda my 22 month old, she is in the midst of wild tantrum throwing behavior...ALL THE TIME!!!! I really cant do anything about it, but I try to stay calm and collective...lol. We absolutely dont do restaurants at this phase in her life. Saves money for sure!!!

    Her fav words are "MINE" and "NO" and she SCREAMS it on top of her lungs!!! We can be in a lib playing, and a kid across the room touches a toy, and she will reach in that direction screaming NOOOO, MINE!!!! She will then throw herself on the floor crying...its great, really. Jayden didnt get to this phase till he was 3.
    Last edited by @llli*dara; February 27th, 2011 at 03:24 PM.
    Mommy of 4,
    3 who I watch over, 1 who watches over all of us

    J- 8/20/05 pumped breastmilk for 11 months due to his cleft lip and palate!

    M- 10/17/07 my precious baby lives forever in her mommys heart

    M- 3/31/09 my special gift, she helps heal her mommy and daddys heart. Nursed for 4 years and 10 days, self weaned the day her baby brother was born!

    E-, new little miracle born 4/11/13, my BIG baby! Born 8.6 at 38 weeks. At 9 weeks nearly 17lbs, at 12 weeks nearly 20lbs, at 6 months nearly 23lbs, at 8 months nearly 25lbs and all from BREASTMILK


  3. #43
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
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    Maine
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    Default Re: Tantrums? 14 months

    yeah, i'm not against saying no - i am just against sounding like a broken record. I think there's a proper place for it, and probably many proper places as they get older and more understanding. For instance, i think saying "NO" to candy after breakfast is totally appropriate . I just don't want to use no because I can't figure out another way of verbalizing what i'm actually meaning, kwim? Like, i don't want to say NO when he's banging a pot on the ground, just because it's bothering my ears. I feel like "gentle" or "easy" would be more appropriate in the circumstance - because I'm not taking the pot away, and i don't want him to not play with the pot.... i don't know. I just get annoyed with myself when i'm using it because I can't seem to articulate what i want to say. (like here, for example )
    Julia and Maxwell (and Dan and Haddie)
    Maxwell, born January 3, 2010
    A year on Mama's milk and still loving it

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: Tantrums? 14 months

    In The Discipline Book, Dr. Sears recommends "saving" NO for really dangerous stuff, and using something like "Uh uh." or "Not for baby!" for other, less dangerous no-nos. So in our house, when Joe's drinking from the dog's water bowl, we say, "Eww! Joe, icky!" When he threatens to unload a bookshelf, it's "Uh oh, Joe! Errrrhhhh. Look Joe, let's play with trucks!" (That's a sound like the sound for "wrong answer" on a game show. )

    When he tries to open the oven, it's a hard, fast, urgent "NO!"

    I do think it gets their attention more if it isn't a word you use five million times a day. It's a little different when they're older and really understand "no." But for a young (preverbal) toddler, I do think some variety is good.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Maine
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    1,805

    Default Re: Tantrums? 14 months

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*joe.s.mom View Post
    In The Discipline Book, Dr. Sears recommends "saving" NO for really dangerous stuff, and using something like "Uh uh." or "Not for baby!" for other, less dangerous no-nos. So in our house, when Joe's drinking from the dog's water bowl, we say, "Eww! Joe, icky!" When he threatens to unload a bookshelf, it's "Uh oh, Joe! Errrrhhhh. Look Joe, let's play with trucks!" (That's a sound like the sound for "wrong answer" on a game show. )

    When he tries to open the oven, it's a hard, fast, urgent "NO!"

    I do think it gets their attention more if it isn't a word you use five million times a day. It's a little different when they're older and really understand "no." But for a young (preverbal) toddler, I do think some variety is good.
    yes. this is all good stuff. Thank you. I say eh eh or yucky for stuff i'd just prefer him not to be doing (eating dog food, sticking toothbrush in dog water). I will def. look at The Discipline Book.
    Julia and Maxwell (and Dan and Haddie)
    Maxwell, born January 3, 2010
    A year on Mama's milk and still loving it

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