Hello everyone. I've been lurking here for a few days to get answers to some of my questions. This site has been very helpful but Ive decided just to ask for help directly. There is not a LLL for 2 hours so the only resource I have really is the lactation consultant from the hospital, and it seems like such a hassle to drive there. But I really need help, so here is a little background.
My sweet baby Willow was born Aug. 29th at 2lbs. 13 oz. via c-section. I had preeclampsia really bad and wasnt able to see her at all for 48 hours after delivery. They gave her a pacifier right away and continued giving her one all through her 6 week stay in the NICU. They fed her through a tube for 3 weeks with my EBM (which at the time I was making tons of - 2+ oz. per side.) Then they tried nipple feeding her with a bottle, saying this was one of her requirements for going home. I really knew nothing about nursing then and let them do this. Then when it came time to try breastfeeding we had lots of trouble. I literally lived at the hospital for 3 weeks nursing around the clock every 3 hours. I'd thought we finally got the hang of it, but instead my milk almost dried up (less that 10 ml each side) because she wasnt eating from me, she was eating the supplements they were giving her after breastfeeding. When they sent her home it was on bottle supplements (now I could bonk myself!). She is well over 5 lbs now.
She stays on each side for 10-15 mins, but every single feeding ends with a bottle. She'd saty on longer, asleep, if I let her.I really want to breastfeed exclusively but I dont know how to break the cycle. I cant seem to wake her up at the breast to eat no matter what I do (stripped down to diaper, skin to skin, stimulation). When it comes time for her bottle of course she wakes right up. I tried BF on demand yesterday and she would fall asleep until I tried to put her back to bed and then she would wake up and want to go again, only to fall asleep after a few sucks. I finally gave her a bottle after a 2 hour feeding session because my nipples were so sore and she hadnt slept more than 1-2 mins at a time.
Part of my problem has been supply because it was so low, which is why she had to be supplemented. Of course now I know that if I'd just stuck with it my supply would have gone up. It has slightly because I pump for 10-15 mins after every time I feed her. I am making enough for her, barely, if she would just empty the breast. After our last feeding I pumped 40 ml and that's 5ml less than what she took in her bottle.
I'm getting so stressed and feel like a failure everytime I have to give her a bottle. I think I'm getting a touch of PPD because of this, and I know that is only going to make matters worse. Can anyone offer any advice? How do I get her to wake up for the breast? How can I get her to empty the breast? How do I get rid of the bottles? Any advice on how to get my supply to keep going up would be welcome too. My freezer supply is running out.
I'm sorry about the length of my post but I put as much info as I though might be neccessary. Please, any advice would be welcome!