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Thread: I'm so fed up...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    558

    Default I'm so fed up...

    ...to the point that I've been shouting inside my head "I want to stop coz I want my body back!" several times a days the past few days.

    I can't seem to deal with days like this anymore, when I have a whole ugly-looking clogged, hard and lumpy wedge on one breast that doesn't soften whatever I do, supply on BOTH breasts seem to be next to nothing (OR DD suddenly loses most of her interest in nursing and doesn't bother to suck whatever in them out), and my breasts feel weird - both empty and "rubbery".

    I've posted several times on here about dealing with mysterious recurrent plugged ducts (most of the times multiple plugs on one side or plugs on both sides), but since my last desperate thread, we've managed to make it another 1.5 months with me applying moist heat (up to 20mins) before and massaging my breasts during EVERY feeding (8-10/day), and being extra cautious in avoiding doing things that may cause plugs. I even sleep with a moist electric heating pad on (low; I know about the risk of burns) so I can be ready when DD wants to nurse at night. During that 1.5 months I had plugs forming almost weekly BUT successfully make them go away pretty fast with moist heat application and nursing alone. About 2 weeks ago I noticed my breasts, especially the right one which is the more problematic one, felt NORMAL just as they did before this mysterious problem began - they felt full when full AND soft, like an empty bag made with soft material, after DD nursed. I was soooo happy and thought well maybe things will be back to normal from now on. A few days later I had what I didn't doubt in the least was my period (I've been having somewhat irregular periods ever since 2 month PP), which lasted for I think 5-6 days. IMMEDIATELY after the bleeding stopped, I experienced symptoms similar to ovulation (EWCM, nipple pain). And then my breasts started feeling all weird again, rubbery, neither full with milk nor empty. And then this area on my right breast which has clogged numerous times in the past few months became clogged, and won't get better no matter what I do.

    I'm so frustrated. I feel like my body isn't mine and I don't have any control over it or make any sense out of it any more. So these "mysterious", persistent, recurrent plugs are related to my cycle is seems??

    And why, why, why has nursing DD ALWAYS been so hard? Poor milk removal, low supply, SNS supplementation, reflux, dairy sensitivity, slow WEIGHT gain (small baby), recurrent plugs. And throughout all those I have NEVER been able to nurse lying down EVEN AT NIGHT ever since she was 2MO due to a variety of reasons. And this girl likes to nap while nursing. So I sit so much some days my legs and hips and back ache. And she is the kind of baby that doesn't really demand, if you can imagine the difficulties that entails. And the kind of baby that is so hard to put down to sleep and sleeps so restlessly esp. during the day (I've had threads about that, too). The kind that wears you out because she barely stops playing to rest, from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes down at night.

    Several times during the past few days I've felt like I want to stop breastfeeding RIGHT NOW. However the idea also makes me extremely sad and even teary.

    And my BF goal is at least two years, which I'm nowhere near now.

    The other day (monday) I was home alone with her the whole day and no matter what I did could not get the plugs to resolve I became so depressed I almost neglected my baby - I didn't offer her any (solid food) lunch (I did nurse her frequently), didn't play with her, wasn't patient or loving with her...

    What is wrong with me? Why at 16MO now I'm still not having a truly relaxing, enjoyable nursing relationship? (not that I don't absolutely love and treasure those days when thing are fine...)

    And WHY on earth has my supply on BOTH breasts seem to be gone OVERNIGHT? Even on the side without the plugs??? No more big let-downs, no more gulping for minutes, no more swelling up with milk at let-downs...

    I don't even know what I'm posting this for. You ladies have given me so much advice, support and encouragement (in my previous threads) I don't know if you have anything else to say. I guess I just need to vent. Thank you for reading.
    Last edited by @llli*irismom; February 9th, 2011 at 03:11 PM.


    First time, SAH mom to my precious daughter born October 2009
    Nursing 27 months and counting... I still love nursing so much and am SAD thinking the end can come anytime now...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    miles from nowhere
    Posts
    11,107

    Default Re: I'm so fed up...

    I don't want to freak you out or anything, but is there any chance you're pregnant?
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,949

    Default Re: I'm so fed up...

    I noticed what I THOUGHT was a big supply dip around the same age as your LO. I panicked, thinking that she CANT be getting a lot of milk. She drinks real fast...and will then suck forever and no swallowing. What I have realized, is that she is just more efficiant at nursing. She really only nurses and has some water as her fluids, and she has plenty of wet diapers. I also noticed that my supply and AF are totally related, depending on the time of the month I may have less milk, or go back to my usual.

    So sorry that you are having a rough time with it. Hope things get better for you soon.
    Mommy of 4,
    3 who I watch over, 1 who watches over all of us

    J- 8/20/05 pumped breastmilk for 11 months due to his cleft lip and palate!

    M- 10/17/07 my precious baby lives forever in her mommys heart

    M- 3/31/09 my special gift, she helps heal her mommy and daddys heart. Nursed for 4 years and 10 days, self weaned the day her baby brother was born!

    E-, new little miracle born 4/11/13, my BIG baby! Born 8.6 at 38 weeks. At 9 weeks nearly 17lbs, at 12 weeks nearly 20lbs, at 6 months nearly 23lbs, at 8 months nearly 25lbs and all from BREASTMILK


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    558

    Default Re: I'm so fed up...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*norasmommy View Post
    I don't want to freak you out or anything, but is there any chance you're pregnant?
    No you didn't freak me out with that question because 1/I thought of that possibility myself and 2/I figured someone would ask it reading my post

    Now can anyone be 100% sure they are NOT pregnant unless they're also 100% abstinent? But seriously, that infrequent and with a condom every.single time?

    Also I only experience nipple soreness (pretty intense) for a couple days and no more now. I thought if I were pregnant my nipple would remain sore/sensitive for longer?

    Also isn't it weird that I experienced ovulation symptoms RIGHT AFTER my period ended? That short luteal phase? I'm so confused.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*dara View Post
    I noticed what I THOUGHT was a big supply dip around the same age as your LO. I panicked, thinking that she CANT be getting a lot of milk. She drinks real fast...and will then suck forever and no swallowing. What I have realized, is that she is just more efficiant at nursing. She really only nurses and has some water as her fluids, and she has plenty of wet diapers. I also noticed that my supply and AF are totally related, depending on the time of the month I may have less milk, or go back to my usual.
    Well my DD still has an acceptable number of wets with nursing and only very little water as fluids, BUT that's with me doubling the nursing frequency during the day.

    Could she be that much more efficient OVERNIGHT? when she nurses I can still hear her swallow but I'm sure less milk is coming out, kwim. And normally at a let-down she'd swallow with EVERY suck but now only with every few sucks.

    I'm now going to start paying attention to the relation between my supply/incidence of plugged ducts and my cycle. I would certainly feel less panicky if I were sure it IS a pattern and my supply dip, however sudden and dramatic it is, is only temporary and will bounce back up.


    First time, SAH mom to my precious daughter born October 2009
    Nursing 27 months and counting... I still love nursing so much and am SAD thinking the end can come anytime now...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Denver, Co.
    Posts
    1,164

    Default Re: I'm so fed up...

    Have you emailed jack Newman about the plugs? He will answer very short emails.

    Christine
    Baby Girl Born 2/17/10 to her two mommies
    BF from day one. I looked up one day and realized I'm nursing a toddler!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,081

    Default Re: I'm so fed up...

    I think I read somewhere that you can take lecithin to help with recurrent plugged ducts. I can't remember where I read that to look it up and verify it, but maybe someone else will chime in on that.

    I haven't seen your previous threads, but wanted to mention that my breasts have totally changed over the 4 years I've been nursing and my supply is extremely sensitive to my cycle. Given that your little one is 16 months old, have you considered just letting her nurse when she asks for it and not trying to double-up on nursing sessions throughout the day? Is she eating table-foods? Are the plugs uncomfortable for you? Does pumping help?
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    652

    Default Re: I'm so fed up...

    Have you considered night weaning? I feel like that helped a lot. We night weaned almost a month ago and now day time nursing seems a lot easier. I don't have any other good advice, just . I also have had a lot more plugs as ds has gotten older, I thought it might be because they say toddler milk is fattier, so more chance of plugs? I don't know of any evidence of that though.
    Ds 9/09 nursed for 20 months

    Dd 12/11 nursing a toddler again

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