This could end up really long and I might be sobbing when I'm done, but ever since we moved my son (10 weeks now) barely latches at all. I'm so sorry. We couldn't afford to rent the van for another day or stay in a hotel, so I could not nurse him on the trip. I tried to nurse when I could while we settled in. I've been here alone for three weeks and things are NOT getting any better. He only nurses in the tub, and even then it is very weak.
I pump 8-10 times a day and get about 6 oz so 1.5 bottles. I try to get him on other times, but he just gets so mad at me, and I get so sad. I'm severely depressed because of this.
I'm leaving a ton of stuff out, but I need to post something. I'm so frustrated. I feel terrible because I feel like I'm not trying hard enough. I would never act on it, but I get secretly angry when he rejects me.
Connor's dad was not very nice to me. Part of me feels this would help me not be so sad. Part of me feels I need to do everything I can to make up for him not having a dad. I'm worried my reasons are selfish. I of course want the benefits, but I know he would be fine no matter what. I wonder if I need it more than he does.
I saw an LC and she was fantastic, but I spent all my personal money on the one visit so cant afford for her to come again. I go to the LLL meetings biweekly.
I'm away from everyone I know, and going to school at a top ten university. I need something to go right.
I'm sorry I always seem to be whining or have some sob story, especially since there's so many others with other things, but I'm running out of ideas. I want to nurse my baby. Even if its just a couple times a day.
Should I keep trying? What do I do?