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Thread: Horribly Conflicted

  1. #1
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    Default Horribly Conflicted

    I`ve come to a point in our nursing relationship where it would truly benefit me to be able to leave DD for long periods of time and even a night. I feel very selfish and guilty for saying that I really do. But...I am a single mom, I go to school full time and as time goes by I feel DD would do just fine spending the night with my mom or dad. I don`t want to date at the moment but I would like to start meeting new people and doing a *tiny* bit of travelling because at the moment life feels very lonely.

    So...DD is obsessed with nursing, but if i`m not home she does just fine. The problem is more naps and bedtime. She has never fallen asleep for anyone. Ever. No matter how tired she is. I am not prepared to wean her completely but I would really love to cut down to maybe 3-4 times a day and night wean as well.

    Any tips on night weaning when your a single parent and have no one else around to help? I don`t want to stop co-sleeping (which makes it even more difficult). I was *thinking* (and someone tell me if this is a bad idea), that I might leave her with my dad for the night. He is the ONLY person she will consider laying down with, and overall just adores him. But is that cruel to her? I thought maybe afterwards she would be more open to me putting her down without nursing.

    Obviously I don`t want to make this difficult for her at all. I`d be happy to maintain 3-4 sessions a day for as long as she wants, but right now its closer to 20-25 when i`m around, no matter what you try to distract her with. I know if I wasn`t home for a whole day she would do just fine. I can`t stand the tears that come when I try to put off nursing it just breaks my heart

    So if i`m being selfish i`m totally ready to hear that. I don`t feel done with nursing. But there have been quite a few opportunities (school related) that i`ve had to turn down and if i`m being entirely honest, I REALLY need a break sometimes. I`m so proud to have nursed her till now (25 months), but I don`t want to tell myself that to justify wanting to at least night wean.

    DD IS my number one priority and I will always do whats best for her even if that entails nursing longer then I anticipated. But i`m not even sure this amount of nursing everyday is necessary anymore
    First time mom to Kalyna born December 14th 2008

    Born: 7lbs 7oz
    Month 1: 8lbs
    Week 5: 8lbs 6oz
    Week 7: 9lbs 5oz
    Week 9: 10lbs 2.6oz
    Week 17: 14lbs 7oz

    Nursing a 3.5 year old!
    Love , and

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Horribly Conflicted

    If you are in school How much are you already away from her? Does she do all that nursing to reconnect?
    I think I would actually work on setting limits while you are with her before thinking of leaving her overnight or night weaning.
    And as far as getting breaks, social or otherwise, you can schedule them in without being away all night. Can't you? Can you set up a situation with your parents where every other Friday you have "me time" and are home by Say 10 pm? Or Eleven? That way even if she waits up it won't be too awful.
    And what are you doing to set limits? Have you said "we only nurse at home" and then taken her out all a day to play? Often the home nursing is due to boredom. If you get up and get out with her to the park or library or on a playdate, she mad not need to nurse at all. Except at bed and naptime.

    Way too lazy for formula

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Horribly Conflicted

    how many times would you say she is nursing in 24 hours?
    do she eat alot of foods?
    how are her iron levels?

    sometimes just cutting back a little bit helps you feal beter about the sessions that remain.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Horribly Conflicted

    I was thinking too where you on break from school over the holidays?
    maybe she just needs a few weeks to get back to normal routine.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Horribly Conflicted

    I left Kate overnight with my mom quite a few times before she was sleeping through the night and she did FINE. And she was a baby. I trusted my mother, who is very nurturing and would never let her 'cry it out'.

    I didn't leave Bennett overnight with my mom until he was 20 months. He wasn't weaned yet, but he was sleeping through the night most nights. I was gone around 24 hrs. I was soooo worried. I walked into her house and he wanted nothing to do with me. He was more than fine, he had a blast.

    If you feel it would be traumatizing for her, then obviously it might be better to wait. But if your gut is telling you (and your parents when they have her) that she is fine when you aren't there, then give yourself a break.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Horribly Conflicted

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    If you are in school How much are you already away from her? Does she do all that nursing to reconnect?
    I think I would actually work on setting limits while you are with her before thinking of leaving her overnight or night weaning.
    And as far as getting breaks, social or otherwise, you can schedule them in without being away all night. Can't you? Can you set up a situation with your parents where every other Friday you have "me time" and are home by Say 10 pm? Or Eleven? That way even if she waits up it won't be too awful.
    And what are you doing to set limits? Have you said "we only nurse at home" and then taken her out all a day to play? Often the home nursing is due to boredom. If you get up and get out with her to the park or library or on a playdate, she mad not need to nurse at all. Except at bed and naptime.
    Yes I definitely could set it up without being away all night since she doesn`t fall asleep until 10-11pm anyways. Although it would be great if she could fall asleep for my mom before I got home. I mean this is all in theory since I do *not* go out. My parents have said they will *not* watch her in the evenings until I wean . I told them its not going to magically make a child who has never slept well, suddenly sleep all night or make it easier for them to put her to sleep. As it is my mom watches her while i`m at school and complains everyday how grumpy DD around nap time if i`m not home. (Don`t get me wrong I greatly appreciate the help my mother gives me with her we just don`t share the same parenting style). Just to make it clear i`m not looking to be gone often or leave DD all the time to go party or anything like that. I think perhaps i`m being slightly unrealistic about what my expectations are and I feel TONS of pressure from family to completely wean her. Sometimes it doesn`t feel like a battle I really want to take on, but I do for DDs sake. I feel incredibly depressed and emotional lately and questioning all my parenting decisions thus far.

    What am I doing to set limits....Mostly distraction. If i`m really going to be honest I don`t think I take her out enough. For a multitude of reasons 1) she is unmanageable in public, 2) I`m at school for a good portion of the day and when I get home i`m dead tired and the last thing I want to do is go to the park. But i`m kind of making excuses for myself here because I do have days off where we COULD definitely do more. Lately it`s been -20 outside and I don`t always have access to a vehicle so we`re stuck indoors. A play centre would be a good start. In a couple of minutes we`re going sledding in the park.


    Andrea - She nurses probably 20-25 times in 24 hours. Maybe more if you consider all the night wakings.
    Her food intake is sporadic. Some days she eats everything and other days she`s not interested in food at all. She will always eat veggies and fruits and pasta but she despises meat. Of all kinds. So its a battle to get her to have any protein. BUT her weight is good (she weighs 31lbs and is 34inches) Not sure about her iron levels. They`ve never been checked. Is that something I should look into?
    The break from school is a good point.....I was off for almost 4 weeks so we were together far more often. She just recently started having an absolute crying fit when I leave for school so I think she really does want to `reconnect`when I get home. Which i`m happy to do

    Sorry for the novel I just wrote here I appreciate the responses. Truly
    First time mom to Kalyna born December 14th 2008

    Born: 7lbs 7oz
    Month 1: 8lbs
    Week 5: 8lbs 6oz
    Week 7: 9lbs 5oz
    Week 9: 10lbs 2.6oz
    Week 17: 14lbs 7oz

    Nursing a 3.5 year old!
    Love , and

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Horribly Conflicted

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*shannon75 View Post
    I left Kate overnight with my mom quite a few times before she was sleeping through the night and she did FINE. And she was a baby. I trusted my mother, who is very nurturing and would never let her 'cry it out'.

    I didn't leave Bennett overnight with my mom until he was 20 months. He wasn't weaned yet, but he was sleeping through the night most nights. I was gone around 24 hrs. I was soooo worried. I walked into her house and he wanted nothing to do with me. He was more than fine, he had a blast.

    If you feel it would be traumatizing for her, then obviously it might be better to wait. But if your gut is telling you (and your parents when they have her) that she is fine when you aren't there, then give yourself a break.
    Neither of my parents would ever let her cry. But they panic at the idea of her waking up at night and not being able to give her anything (since she doesn`t drink cows milk).

    I don`t think it would be traumatizing. When my dad is over she could care less about me and acts like god just walked through the door

    Hearing that your children were fine, despite not being weaned or sleeping through the night makes me feel better about the possibility of it happening at some point.
    First time mom to Kalyna born December 14th 2008

    Born: 7lbs 7oz
    Month 1: 8lbs
    Week 5: 8lbs 6oz
    Week 7: 9lbs 5oz
    Week 9: 10lbs 2.6oz
    Week 17: 14lbs 7oz

    Nursing a 3.5 year old!
    Love , and

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: Horribly Conflicted

    when sarah was that age her iron was low and that made her want to nurse alot. once her iron level was more normal she ate more food and wasn't so attached to the boob.
    I would say if she is nursing that much you would be ready to set some limits!
    I know about it being too cold to get out..
    are there things she likes to do besides nurse like play dough or paints or even take a bath? play in water?
    I think if you cut back a little bit it would help!

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