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Thread: Weaning a 4 year old?

  1. #11
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    Default Re: Weaning a 4 year old?

    I wonder how DD would do if I brought up the idea of a weaning party again. In the past, she has always LOST it. In fact, we didn't go to DJ's weaning party (yes, I totally would have crashed it otherwise!) because I knew Grace would cry the whole time, thinking it meant she couldn't nurse anymore, and turning it into a huge dramatic thing. (Yeah, she has a serious future as an actress - drama queen doesn't even begin to describe it! ) But she love love LOVES parties now, so maybe if I get a calendar and try to explain it as several months down the line, etc. she might get on board with the idea.

  2. #12
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    Default Re: Weaning a 4 year old?

    Don't take this the wrong way but is she like that about everything when she is told no, or is it just nursing that sends her over the edge?

    If it is just the nursing, then I think it would need to be handled delicately, but if it's about everything under the sun, is nursing really her main focus or is it just the limits in general she is having issues with?

  3. #13
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  4. #14
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    Default Re: Weaning a 4 year old?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mama.p View Post
    She starts all out bawling if I cut her short before she's ready. Sometimes I can tell her we're almost done and do a song, and she's okay with it, but others, she loses her marbles. But honestly, I can't imagine being able to cut her any shorter than say 20 minutes without her losing her mind.
    But 20 minutes of "Nice nursing" would really help you in terms of HATING it. Right?
    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mama.p View Post
    I may change that, but I don't know. I think it's totally fair for me to express my feelings in the matter. And she knows that I feel that way because of her twiddling, fidgeting, etc. I have told her I enjoy nursing NICELY, but when she isn't being nice, that's what I don't like.
    Right it's important for her to know you are struggling with it. BUT I think a conversation that states that and asks her how does she think "WE can help Mommy with that" May find you in a conversation where she is aware but also able to problem solve without feeling like this thing she enjoys is THREATENED. If you say you have problems with the way it's going down, how long it's takes and the acrobatics and she can understand that it's bothering you and What specific things she can do to help it be a better experience for YOU that may actually be more rewarding for her than "If you don't stop we won't do it." Does that make sense?
    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mama.p View Post
    This doesn't work with mine. She is obsessed about being a baby still and "isn't ready" to grow up. She HATES being told she's a big girl. She just wants to be taken care of and pampered all day.
    I get it. Growing up is hard. DJ struggles with this too. It's scary. That is why he took so long to potty train and wean I think. But knowing that and respecting it and remembering what it felt like to be between 3.5 and 5. When no one wants to pick you up anymore. Where everyone no longer thinks you are Baby cute. It's just like adolescence. The transition from baby to kid is a hard trying time in their young life. All the more reason to get them to walk away on their own. With the confidence it takes to make that decision.
    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mama.p View Post
    We have talked about this. She's all over the board with ages (7, 6, 13, 8, etc). Her latest though, was 5, and when she said it, I just thought to myself "I'll never make it and stay sane." I will probably allow the process to go slowly, so that she does continue to nurse throughout the winter/flu season, but come spring/summer, I NEED her to be done. I AM going to the coast by myself this summer for my birthday.
    Hey. I was there. I get it. Do you remember me saying it was going to be over last year after our trip to Hawaii? And actually planning and requesting time off for a party in March. It's ok to have goals. But don't get to attached to them. He wasn't ready then. And the last month was awful because of all the pressure. FOR BOTH OF US. As soon as I let go of it it was better again.
    Obviously 4 is a great and reasonable goal. But 4.5 is still better than 5 IMO.
    Will she even go to preschool now? With her B-day in Nov will you just be looking at Kindergarten in the fall?

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Weaning a 4 year old?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*shannon75 View Post
    Don't take this the wrong way but is she like that about everything when she is told no, or is it just nursing that sends her over the edge?

    If it is just the nursing, then I think it would need to be handled delicately, but if it's about everything under the sun, is nursing really her main focus or is it just the limits in general she is having issues with?
    Okay, I had to wait a bit to respond to this, because at first I was really irritated. But, after a minute, I realize it's just because the truth of it hit a nerve. I really am sort of still in avoidance mode from when she was a baby (anticipate the need and avoid the crying) and have a really hard time pushing through the tantrums to their end. I just never know how to handle them with her. The minute she cries, she wants to nurse. Over everything. I don't know how she is when she is alone with DH, but for me, there is nothing I can do to calm her down other than nursing or ignoring it until it ends.

    It's terrible, but I tend to just tell her to go to her room to cry, which she refuses, and then I just walk from room to room telling her to go somewhere else to cry, while she follows me, wailing, until she finally gives up. I just don't know HOW to get through it without getting pissed off and losing my cool myself. I don't know how to explain it, but it's always been like her crying sends me into fight or flight mode or something. I just want to get away.

    I need tools to handle this stuff. And I need DH to be on board. Not just agreeing "okay, honey, do whatever you want" but actually instituting it himself, as well. He doesn't do hardly anything (just the dishes and taking the trash cans out on Sunday) without being told to first. And then he doesn't repeat it. It's like when he gets home from work, he thinks he's done being a grown up. And it's hard, because I don't know how much of it is that he's a spoiled last child, and how much is because of his health and he just won't admit it.

    I have tried, repeatedly, to get him to sit down with me to make a list of rules/goals/mission statement/whatever you wanna call it for our family, so we can be on the same page, but he won't do it. Regardless though, I think I need to do it for myself, just so I am dealing with things more consistently. I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family, so I feel like I just don't know how to properly handle most things.

    But all that said, consistency and discipline are only part of it. I really am very tired of nursing. I am starting to get really uncomfortable about her age, and how she talks with everybody about it lately. And I would like to be able to get away overnight(s) and not worry about it being an issue.

    And I'm thinking I'll check out the gym and the childcare there, and see if that's something I'm comfortable with doing, in order to get us out more often, and see if the exercize will help with my depression, as well.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: Weaning a 4 year old?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    Will she even go to preschool now? With her B-day in Nov will you just be looking at Kindergarten in the fall?
    I'm not sure at this point. I can't find anything on the school's website as to what their age cutoff is, it just says they do the sign-ups in March, so I was just going to wait until then to see if they put more about it up on the website or to just go in and find out about it. I've always been uncomfortable though, with her being so small, of having her start early rather than later, so I think I may just try to find a preschool. I don't know that she will be ready for K yet this fall.

    The rest you posted is definitely all good food for thought. I will definitely need to spend some time thinking on it and digesting it before deciding exactly what/how to implement some changes.

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Weaning a 4 year old?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mama.p View Post
    Okay, I had to wait a bit to respond to this, because at first I was really irritated. But, after a minute, I realize it's just because the truth of it hit a nerve. .
    I have to go pick up Kate, but I wanted to chime in before I left that when I asked, I didn't mean it in a finger pointing 'you have no limits' kind of a way, but in a general 'is it in her personality to flip over every thing' kind of a way.

    I'll be back!

  8. #18
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    Default Re: Weaning a 4 year old?



    I think you should do the weaning party. And stick with it after on saying no. Then until the weaning party have rules of nursing.
    Lisa

    Mommy to
    Logan 5-23-07
    Colby 12-14-09

  9. #19
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    Default Re: Weaning a 4 year old?

    i also nursed my daughter past her 4th birthday. for some reason i can not remember how she weaned. but she is now 9 and she does not nurse. So I know weaning happens.
    DD#1 July 1986 VB
    DD#2 April 1988 c/sec
    DS#3 April 1990 VBAC
    DS#4 June 1993 VB
    and suprise!
    DD#5 April 2001 c/sec
    BTDT scars and stretchmarks,: wrinkles and grey hair

  10. #20
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    Default Re: Weaning a 4 year old?

    I have another one that nursed until 4 yo. He self weaned. I didn't restrict nursing but we did have "rules" which consisted of nice nursing habits.
    Michelle

    Wife to Donnie , my best friend
    Mom to Trenton 1/9/97, Dillan 11/22/01, Ashton 6/19/09

    All boys, weaned at 15 months, at home with Ashton

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