Soooo...2 days ago (LO is 10 weeks old now) my midwife and IBCLC determined that I most likely have Raynaud's in the nipple - it would explain everything: mastitis 4 times, cracked nipples since the first week - never healing, the spasms that I experience between feedings and the change in nipple color I sometimes observe in between feedings. Anyway - they started me on a med for it and I was SO hopeful that this would be our last battle. I made it through 10 weeks without ever supplementing once - despite how much extreme pain I've been in during and in between feedings. I was so proud of myself - and had decided that if in 2 weeks the meds for Raynaud's weren't working, then I would reassess our situation.
BUT, then this morning LO for the first time ever spit up a decent amount of blood. He spits up about 2-4 times between each feeding, but never blood. I called the on-call nurse, and she called my ped. and they said if he does it again today to bring him straight to the ER. But if he doesn't, they will just see him tomorrow. But then they also told me NOT to give him any of my breast milk until then. They told me to continue pumping, but not to give it to him in order to rule out anything that might be in my milk. I asked them why, if I could pump and see if there was blood, then why I couldn't give it to him and the nurse just told me "doctor's orders".
I am SO bummed out, I started bawling. I only have enough frozen milk (which they said b/c it predates the incident it is OK to give him) to get through about 7 feedings (if he's not super hungry today) - so I am going to HAVE to give him formula. If I had been prepared to have to supplement, I am so anal, I would have researched formulas for days...now I am going to end up just using one of the samples sent to me. I always said "as long as LO is thriving and doing well on the breast, there is no need to stop"...and then this.
To top it all of, DH is gone until Jan 29, and family is 3,000 miles away. I do have wonderful friends, but they all have children of their own and can't drop everything to come sit with me.
I just needed to get it off my chest...I have been working so hard to be able to breastfeed, and never once went to the sample of formula in the 10 weeks of pain...and now just like that I have to stop. I know it's not the end of the world, and I know I can start him on the breast hopefully tomorrow...so I'm probably being melodramatic...but I needed to vent.
TIA for "listening".