Re: close to giving up
Oh Mama, I've BTDT and it is NO FUN. If I had to repeat my breastfeeding experience with my first... Gosh, I guess I'd do it but only because I now know that it does get better if you can just hang in there long enough. Which I know is like having someone tell you "Just keep sticking your finger into this electrical socket and eventually you're going to be glad you did."
So much of what fixes latch problems is time. A tiny baby has a tiny mouth, and it's hard for that mouth to take the big, deep bite of breast that results in a pain-free latch. But babies grow, and their mouths grow. Eventually your LO will grow enough that she'll be able to take a deep bite of breast every single time, and when that happens the pain will end. You have an older child, so you know how fast a newborn transforms into a baby, and then how rapidly that baby turns into a big kid...
One thing you said really resonates with me. You said that "every feeding is a battle." When my first was a newborn, I felt the same way. It was so painful that I screamed every time she latched on- and I'd thought nursing was going to be this lovely, peaceful, pleasurable thing! I was worried that we wouldn't bond right because nursing was so painful- but in the end I realized that nothing bonds you tighter than going through a battle together.
You can do it, Mama. We'll do whatever we can to help. What can we say to make you feel better?
Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"