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Thread: Devestated and scared..

  1. #1

    Default Devestated and scared..

    So, it looks as though I'm going to be weaning my 4 month old daughter. I returned to work about 2 months ago, working part time, and managed to pump enough for awhile. My pumping output has decreased dramatically and my work hours are about to increase dramatically. I will be working roughly 55-60 hours over a 5 day period.. Some days I will leave home at 9 am and not get home til well after 1 am.

    I can't not take the job. My family is in financial ruins since my too-early maternity leave and I am being forced into the position for monies sake.

    Today, Grammy used the last of our freezer stash. I've been crying all day and I don't know what to do. The last few times I've nursed, DD has seemed somewhat unsatisfied - I'm not even making enough for her while we're together.

    I feel like a failure. My oldest daughter, who is now three, weaned on her own at almost 2 years old. It was so natural and easy and unemotional. This time I am terrified at the thought. I don't know where to start or what to do, I'm worried my breasts are already suffering some sort of an issue - I keep feeling random shooting pains and aches.

    The thought of feeding my daughter from a bottle is killing me. I don't know how I'm going to do this. Please offer some help, encouragement, something, I don't know. Nobody in my real life understands. Everyone is surprised I even care this much about it, that it's even an issue for me, but it is. I'm devestated.

    How do I start with formula? I've never bought it before, I've never used it before. I don't even know how to make it. I know I can't just stop nursing cold turkey and I don't want to. Ideally I'd like to keep nursing while I'm around but it's becoming obvious that that might not work out so well.

    I'm crying as I write this. I feel so all alone.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    4,894

    Default Re: Devestated and scared..

    I'm so very sorry you are going through this. It's disgusting what they do to women in this country, making them choose between caring for their child and survival. I wish I had advice for you, but I don't. I can only offer hugs and support. I know I would continue to offer nursing, even if it's just for comfort. I wouldn't be able to give that up. My son is 3.5 months and I couldn't even imagine weaning.
    If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. - Katharine Hepburn

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    558

    Default Re: Devestated and scared..

    I'm so sorry! I too would continue to offer the breast when you're together. Would you still be able to pump, even if fewer times, with a busier schedule? Have you tried eating oatmeal everyday and/or taking a galactagogue sp?), like fenugreek, or Mother's Milk Tea? Also I know it's hard not to stress but if you're stressed and thinking you're already not making enough for when your LO nurses it's harder to have a good letdown... I know that feeling of being lost and scared when you know nothing about formula and didn't want to anyway but the prospect is near that you may need it, etc. I'm so sorry I don't have any good advice, maybe some working moms will chime in with ideas. for now (I also understand the feeling that nobody IRL understands why it's so important for us. In my case nobody but DH does.)


    First time, SAH mom to my precious daughter born October 2009
    Nursing 27 months and counting... I still love nursing so much and am SAD thinking the end can come anytime now...

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    1,805

    Default Re: Devestated and scared..

    oh mama s it's hard. just keep offering. You know what you're doing, you've done it before. Even if you have to supplement, just keep offering the boob. Babies go through so many phases. I know I thought my guy was weaning a number of times - and came back and wanted more more more. He's a year now and is nursing more than ever. Don't give up.
    Julia and Maxwell (and Dan and Haddie)
    Maxwell, born January 3, 2010
    A year on Mama's milk and still loving it

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    1,511

    Default Re: Devestated and scared..

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*nutopian View Post
    I know I can't just stop nursing cold turkey and I don't want to. Ideally I'd like to keep nursing while I'm around but it's becoming obvious that that might not work out so well.
    This right here. Do that. Don't stop. Nursing is not an all or nothing thing. Pump what you can and supplement with formula. Nurse as much as you can and want to when you are together. Cosleep and let you LO latch on all.night.long if you can. Even 5 oz a day of pumped breastmilk is better than 0 oz a day. Look into galactagogues (sp) to see what you can do to increase your supply - mother's milk tea, fenugreek, blessed thistle, lots of water, oatmeal, domperidone, reglan. Look into all that and pump what you can and nurse any chance you can. You do not have to do all breast milk or all formula.

    With my son, Ryan, I could not pump enough milk for a day. He had to take some formula but the daycare provider gave him my pumped milk first, then supplemented with formula when needed. I eventually started taking domperidone and my pumping output increased from a total of 3 oz a day to 20 oz per day! At around 5 months Ryan refused anything in a bottle, whether it was formula or breastmilk. So when he started solids, he ate solids during the day and nursed from the time I got home til the time I left for work in the morning.

    Just remember, it does not have to be all or none. ANY breastmilk is better than none. And believe me, after being gone all day at work, I LOVED spending my nights snuggled, nursing my baby.

    Goodluck!

    Hi, I'm Allison

    Mama to Henry Carl 12/28/06

    7lbs, 15 oz, 20.5 in
    Breastfed for 20 months!

    Mama to Ryan Thomas 11/20/08
    8lbs, 7 oz, 21 in
    Breastfed for 30 months!
    Mama to angel 4/03, Mama to angel 12/05


    Feb TBTTW 33.1/70

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,267

    Default Re: Devestated and scared..

    with the PPs- it doesn't have to be all or nothing! Check out this link on combination feeding: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning-partial.html Even if it doesn't work for you it at least offers you an avenue for a more gradual and pleasant weaning.

    Here are some more links which may help:
    http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/p..._decrease.html
    http://www.kellymom.com/herbal/milks...actagogue.html

    Also, what sort of pump do you have? If you're pumping a lot every day, you need a great pump, and you might see good results if you can swing the cost of a rental hospital-grade pump.

    Regarding formula, choosing a brand is hard. (Diaperswappers.com has a formula-feeding forum that might be helpful there.) My understanding is that as long as your baby has no specific allergy concerns, you're fine purchasing formula based on cow's milk rather than soy. And that generics tend to be just as good as name brands, at lower cost. Getting a breastfed baby to take formula can be easy, or hard. If it's easy, don't mix breastmilk and formula because formula expires much sooner than breastmilk, and you could end up tossing your precious milk in an unfinished bottle just because the formula is no longer safe to drink. So offer breastmilk bottles first, and then top off with formula. If your baby refuses formula, you may need to mix expressed milk and formula, in which case you may be able to teach your baby to take formula by starting with a 75:25 breastmilk to formula ratio (or something on that order) and gradually decreasing the amount of milk in the bottles.

    Finally, don't beat yourself up about this, okay? We understand how hard this must be for you- I know that if I had to wean prematurely I'd be devastated. But you're doing a wonderful thing by providing for your family.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Brussels, Belgium
    Posts
    1,302

    Default Re: Devestated and scared..

    Hi mama, you're doing the right thing. Sometimes life hands us these choices and as mothers we make the best one for our families.

    Why do you say you get the feeling nursing when off work won't work? Maybe we can help you tweak a few things so that works for you Why do you think LO didn't have enough to eat? Are you counting nappies? Because baby's emotional reaction isn't a measure of your milk supply. Output is.

    In sixty days LO will be six months, which is when this will help a lot:
    http://www.nbci.ca/index.php?option=...tion&Itemid=17

    I was just re-reading it for myself as I'm 8 wks pg and my supply is much lower (although my daughter is older than yours).

    Truth is, lots of mamas pump wean and nurse nights and weekends, or when they're reunited with baby. It can work. Your LO will be going to daycare in any case, and most DCPs give bottles. OK, so it may be that what is in the bottle is artificial milk. That's what it's there for, when practical considerations call for it. Then when you're reunited, presto, it's momma time.

    Have a think over how much milk LO will need:
    http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/milkcalc.html

    Also lots of babies reverse cycle when they are seperated from momma during the day. It's no different from a baby who sleeps all night and then gets her calories during the day. Co-sleeping mamas have an edge in this case. My daughter did that and we made it because I could sleep enough with her beside me. It also builds in the closeness we might otherwise have missed.
    http://www.kellymom.com/bf/normal/reverse-cycling.html

    You and your children are going to make it, momma. It makes sense that with your first you could take a longer time before returning to FT work, and now with 4 mouths in the house that luxury isn't there. But your youngest is benefitting from your motherly expertise, and from having an older sibling to play with. Things balance out
    Katharine
    Be the change you want to see in the world--Mahatma Gandhi
    mid-August DD (2010) & DS (2011 VBAC)
    Ouch! Is it thrush or Raynaud's phenomenon?

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