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Thread: Desperate: 3-Yr.-Old ADDICTED to my Breasts

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default Desperate: 3-Yr.-Old ADDICTED to my Breasts

    I am so ready to stop BF completely, but my daughter, who is 3, is so attached to my breasts that she won't stop BF and patting my breasts. We finally weaned off of morning feedings and now only BF in the afternoons and when I rock her to sleep each night. But she is "addicted" to patting my breasts at times when we are not BFing. She sleeps with me at night and sometimes even in the middle of the night she wants to snuggle up to a breast until she falls back asleep. She gets upset if I push her hand away or if I tell her "We are taking a break from nurses/nursing" (she calls them nurses).

    I am afraid I have created a monster, even though we have had talks about the fact that "big girls don't nurse" and "mommy is a big girl, and she doesn't nurse", "soon you will be a big girl and it will be time to stop nursing" etc. PLEASE HELP. I am so ready to be done with all this and I think it is time for her to grow up a little bit by going through the normal process of separating from that attachment. Any suggestions are welcome.
    Olive Eloise Freeman, born Oct. 19, 2007.
    Still BF at 19 mos. and counting . . .

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Default Re: Desperate: 3-Yr.-Old ADDICTED to my Breasts

    What are you most bothered by? The fact that she's nursing or that she's patting you? It sounds like both of them bother you. I weaned my daughter about a month ago and she pats me that way for comfort. For me, that's not really a problem. Do you think you would feel less annoyed about that if she were not nursing at all anymore?

    I guess I'm not sure what you're looking for suggestions on. Weaning?

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!

    Default Re: Desperate: 3-Yr.-Old ADDICTED to my Breasts

    Yeah. I think you need to let go of being upset about it. She has had a three year long relationship with your breasts. And to her they STILL signify love and security even when she doesn't nurse and they will continue to do so. The breast snuggling is part of the weaning process. When my son was actively weaning he would pull them out at night time and lay on them and cuddle with them. The fact that he wasn't putting them in his mouth was HUGE. Celebrate the progress she is making. Don't reject her or be disparaging because she still is drawing security from them. My child hasn't nursed in about 6 months and he still wants to touch them and lay on them. He loves them. I think that is to be expected.

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Brussels, Belgium

    Default Re: Desperate: 3-Yr.-Old ADDICTED to my Breasts

    Mama, I hear your frustration. Good advice from pp's. I hear you on the desire for more space and feeling a bit touched out.

    Your LO is showing you she still needs the nurturing and support your breasts give and signify to her. It's a good reflection on your mothering that you're upset by her crying. That need in her won't go away even if you're ready for it to be focussed on something else. Reality. If she is pushed into another level before finishing her 'work' on this one, she'll be carrying baggage. You might be surprised how that unfulfilled need shows up later. However, if you do whatever YOU need to do to have more patience with her in the place she's at, then she will grow out of it. As DJ's Mom said, applaud her for the growth she's already made.

    Also why not make it a positive, like, 'Mummy likes it when you pat nurses, you're becoming a big girl!' rather than being negative and pushing her to stop, stop, stop. I find trying to stop can be hard, because you think about what you're missing. Like a diet. But focussing on turning to a new action (which is essentially stopping the unwanted old one) is easier. KWIM? Like if you wanted to cut down on chocolate, if you decided to have a mango first for your sweet tooth, (and possibly then if you were still hungry afterward had chocolate), it's different than just saying NO to chocolate. Because then one dwells on not getting the chocolate.
    Katharine in Belgium
    Be the change you want to see in the world--Mahatma Gandhi
    DD2 Feb 2015 - natural birth VBAC with DD (2010) & DS (2011 VBAC)
    Ouch! Is it thrush or Raynaud's phenomenon?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Where they keep it weird

    Default Re: Desperate: 3-Yr.-Old ADDICTED to my Breasts

    I'm not in the weaning process so I don't have any advice, BUT I don't think the patting is something to be upset about. I think it's very sweet and it just shows how much they mean to her. Just my opinion.
    I am Lea (middle name)
    Mama to Dominic born on 3/23/09
    Wife to G 4/27/07
    We're blessed to have been for 3 years and counting! Proud to with our squirmy worm

    "My home is not a place, it is people."
    -Lois McMaster Bujold

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Pullman, WA

    Default Re: Desperate: 3-Yr.-Old ADDICTED to my Breasts

    I so feel your frustration! My 3 year old is now weaned. His favorite during that process was rubbing my arm--usually sticking his hand into my sleeve to do so. It drove me to a very crazy place. I'm not sure why, except that my body seemed to be telling me it was time to wean. The amazing thing is, after he was weaned, the arm rubbing didn't feel so bad any more. But at the time, OMG!! I would look at it objectively and think "this is sweet. I should be enjoying this. If it was someone else's child, I would think it's cute." But I couldn't possibly enjoy it. My daughter does it now with my breasts while she nurses. And right now it's sweet, but it's already getting a little "edge" to it for me. I see that this will someday drive me crazy. She's one.

    Long story short: that sounds so normal. Breathe. Do what's right for you and for your LO.
    Stephanie, mom to Jaime Hoban 11/04/07 and Annika Jayne 12/21/09

    We . . . no room in the bed for more!

    We love our cloth diapers!

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