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Thread: Pumping and Divorce Question

  1. #1

    Question Pumping and Divorce Question

    I'm planning on breastfeeding my baby (due in about two months) and am in the middle of a divorce. I just got word that my husband plans to seek overnight and lengthy visitations from the very beginning, and expects me to pump to accomodate this. I have also heard that the courts agree that breastfeeding should not interfere with a father's right to visitations and am afraid they don't understand it's not that easy to provide enough expressed milk from the onset of birth.
    He was not supportive of my breastfeeding our first child and I ended up stopping after only 4months, with pumping beginning at 8days post birth. Even then my supply was low and I never truly had an "abundant" stored amount.
    I have tried to explain that it takes time to develop a plentiful supply and even more time to develop enough "stored" milk to accomodate overnight/lengthy visitations. They just don't seem to understand or want to listen to me. I have no intention of keeping the child from her father, but can't find any resources on the length of time it takes to develop adaquete supplies or anything to help them realize that I have no control over how much milk I make and how quickly (or slowly) it comes in.

    I feel totally alone in this, but definitely will not give up!

    Does anyone have any suggestions??

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,564

    Default Re: Pumping and Divorce Question

    http://www.llli.org/Law/LawDivorce.html

    What state do you live in? It looks like you could agree to more frequent, shorter visits - no overnights and that might help with this issue.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Pumping and Divorce Question

    I know all states are different, but my friend went thru custody issues with her baby's father and the judge would not allow overnights until the baby was closer to a year I think. Def after 6 months. We are in Michigan.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Pumping and Divorce Question

    Hi Ladies,
    I currently live in Florida. I have offered frequent, short visitation starting at 4-6weeks, because I thought that would give me time to establish a little bit of a routine. I offered two hours, three days a week, because I know most babies can go 2hrs before needing another feeding.
    However, they turned it down stating it was still not enough and that there was no reason for me not to pump and provide him with breast milk for overnight visitation. I basically have only asked for the right to exclusively breastfeed for the first 6months, agreeing to pump after that, but they are still fighting me on it.

    I can't find any resources that plainly state it's just not possible to pump and provide enough right off the bat.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,564

    Default Re: Pumping and Divorce Question

    You may be able to get that from a doctor. Have you talked to your OB/midwife about this? What about the pediatrician? Can you find a pediatrician that has a lactation consultant that works out of their office.

    Who are "they"? The courts? Or your husband?

    I'm really sorry you're in this situation.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,564

    Default Re: Pumping and Divorce Question

    This came from that link I put above:

    One circuit in Florida has developed visitation guidelines that take into consideration the needs of young children. It calls for short, frequent visits until age two, at which time one overnight visit would take place. Weekends would occur at age three, and week long visits in the summer after kindergarten. Although many experts believe that this is best for securely attached children (those not accustomed to lengthy separations from a primary caretaker), there are many cases that order lengthy and inappropriate visitation. I have seen a three-month-old baby sent off for two weeks in the summer, several four-month-old babies sent away for four-day visits every other weekend, and thirteen-month-old breastfed babies ordered to be with the father, with no contact with the mother, for four weeks in the summer.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,564

    Default Re: Pumping and Divorce Question

    This article by the same woman talks about how separations from the mother will impact the breastfeeding relationship negatively:

    http://www.llli.org/Law/LawVisitation.html
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    20,962

    Default Re: Pumping and Divorce Question

    Perhaps this resource will be of use: American Academy of Pediatrics policy statement on Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk. In particular, see "RECOMMENDATIONS ON BREASTFEEDING FOR HEALTHY TERM INFANTS" numbers 4, 5, 6, and 14.

    4: "Supplements (water, glucose water, formula, and other fluids) should not be given to breastfeeding newborn infants unless ordered by a physician when a medical indication exists." (Implies that supplementing will screw up supply and baby's latch, and should not be done w/o medical indication.)

    5: "Pacifier use is best avoided during the initiation of breastfeeding and used only after breastfeeding is well established.166–168 In some infants early pacifier use may interfere with establishment of good breastfeeding practices, whereas in others it may indicate the presence of a breastfeeding problem that requires intervention." (Implies that use of artificial nipples can cause problems with breastfeeding.)

    6: "During the early weeks of breastfeeding, mothers should be encouraged to have 8 to 12 feedings at the breast every 24 hours, offering the breast whenever the infant shows early signs of hunger such as increased alertness, physical activity, mouthing, or rooting.170 Crying is a late indicator of hunger.171 Appropriate initiation of breastfeeding is facilitated by continuous rooming-in throughout the day and night.172 The mother should offer both breasts at each feeding for as long a period as the infant remains at the breast.173 At each feed the first breast offered should be alternated so that both breasts receive equal stimulation and draining. In the early weeks after birth, nondemanding infants should be aroused to feed if 4 hours have elapsed since the beginning of the last feeding. After breastfeeding is well established, the frequency of feeding may decline to approximately 8 times per 24 hours, but the infant may increase the frequency again with growth spurts or when an increase in milk volume is desired." (In other words, adequate milk production is dependent on mother and infant being allowed unfettered access to one another.)

    14: "Mother and infant should sleep in proximity to each other to facilitate breastfeeding."
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
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  9. #9

    Default Re: Pumping and Divorce Question

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommy2lilah View Post
    This came from that link I put above:
    Tracie,
    Thank you for all the information. I saw this article too, I just wish it listed which circuit court, because then I could cite it specifically. I'm compiling a little report and hopefully that will bolster my case. The one thing I still can't find is information on how long it "normally" takes to build up a supply that would allow for lengthier visits.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: Pumping and Divorce Question

    have you been to court yet?
    any way you could both agree to put off the divorce for a while?

    do you think that he realy wants overnights or is it something the lawerys are pushing?
    are you still talking?

    how old is your older child?

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