Re: closet breastfeeder
Mama, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds to me like your biggest issue is with your DH. You let him push weaning when you and your child weren't ready. And I think he's the one you need to stand up to. You might want to have a nice calm discussion with him, and make the following points:
1. You were not ready to wean.
2. Your toddler was not ready to wean.
3. If he thinks nursing was causing problems before, he has to look at the problems the family secret has caused you since then: your younger child is so upset about nursing in the closet that she screams for it and won't take no for an answer (somewhat normal, but I think you're describing a level of desperation that's more intense than usual), and your older child is using the closet nursing as a weapon against you and your toddler.
4. The whole situation is destructive to family harmony. You and the kids are keeping a secret from your DH, and you feel resentful that you allowed him to push you into doing something that you didn't want to do.
5. While you know he doesn't like the idea of you continuing to nurse, you are in the process of weaning: if your daughter is nursing some days but not others you are well on your way to total weaning.
Some of the things you mention are totally normal. My older daughter was always interested in other women's breasts, always draws nipples on her human figures, draws pictures of animals nursing, etc. And there's a nursing 3.5 year-old in my DD's preschool class who came over for a cuddle one day and leaned against my breast- and I knew what she was thinking!!! However, there's normal, healthy interest, and then there's the interest that's generated by taboos... I would encourage you to bring the secret out in the open so that the healthy interest doesn't turn into taboo interest, YKWIM?
Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"