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Thread: Dealing with advice

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    19

    Default Dealing with advice

    Dh was telling some of the people he works with about what is going on with lo. Said how we were going to get his tongue tie fixed, one of the ladies told him not to get it done and that I need to stop bf him and just go to a bottle. He came home yesterday and told me this. Well that is not an option to me and even if I were not bf I would want to get it fixed anyway to minimize problems as he gets older.

    When I was talking to dh earlier he said that they were talking again and he mentioned how I feed him about every 2 hours, she told him I need to start giving him cereal. He is a month old. There is no way I am going to give him any kind of solid. He said that this lady gave her kids cereal when they were 3 weeks old. I had to explain to dh that Tanner is to young and he is gaining weight very good. (He was 8lbs 13oz two weeks ago, yesterday he was 10lbs 3oz so he is doing great) And besides that I knew what it was going to be like, I knew that bf baby's eat more often and it was a decision I made.

    I have already talked to dh about all this stuff, many times. He is thinking that because this lady is a little older and her kids are grown, what she is saying is better then what I am doing.

    This is just from one person, we are getting advice from other people also that I ignore but I am not sure how long I can stay nice about it before dh says "well she said to do this.." and I go off on him lol

    How do you deal with advice (bad advice)?
    Mommy to

    Tristian 12 (9-11-98)
    Tyler 10 (1/28/00)
    Tori 9 (10/30/01)
    Tanner (10/26/10)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    SW Ohio
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    3,133

    Default Re: Dealing with advice

    Ugh, I HATE when older people give stupid advice like that! Sorry, hope that doesn't sound too harsh. I do my best to keep it civil when people offer (unneeded/unwanted) advice like that. I say something like "Yeah thanks, I'm sure that worked well for your family back in the day, but we breastfeed exclusively and don't give solids until baby is 6 months old, and it works for our family."

    And if you want to, you could even say "your doctor" told you what you are doing is best. Something like, "Yeah, I know people used to give babies cereal really early back then, but now days doctors are recommending not introducing solids until babies are 6 months old." That way it's not "your" opinion, and you are going by what your dr. said to do.
    IRL all my friends call me Buff, Wife to CB since 10/11/2003

    Mom to DD - "MJ" born 9/2007 @ 8lbs 10oz, 21.5" She's 6 years old!
    My journey nursing MJ started HERE, but we got through it and she breastfed 19.5 months, self-weaned on 5/17/09


    Mom to my current nursling, DS - "ME" born 10/2009 @ 10lbs 1oz, 22.25" He's 4 years old! And yup, he's still nursing.

    Ask me about my successful VBAC! Click here for my birth story.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    SoCal
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    Default Re: Dealing with advice

    The real issue seems to be with your DH not the advice giver. You should have a talk with him and involve him in the "why" of the choices you make for your family.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    Northern Cal.
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    4,984

    Default Re: Dealing with advice

    Yeah, I think the issue is getting your DH on board here. If he feels confident about what your'e doing, he will be less likely to indulge/listen to bad advice. Maybe have him read some stuff about it on Kellymom or one of your books?

    If your DH is like mine, he'll respond well if you just tell him how he can help you. Tell him that this kind of advice is just really distracting right now and that he can support you by supporting your breastfeeding relationship with your baby. That is, what would be really nice right now is if he could make sure baby's diaper is dry, your water glass is full, and your nursing stool/pillow are close by!


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    19

    Default Re: Dealing with advice

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jenna562 View Post
    The real issue seems to be with your DH not the advice giver. You should have a talk with him and involve him in the "why" of the choices you make for your family.
    I have, since I made the decision to bf and the more I learned by research I would share it with him. We would talk about it and he understands my reasons for wanting to bf. I think most of his deal is that I can not bf in bed, I can not get comfortable so I usually end up sleeping down stairs on the couch. It is so much more comfortable for me to bf. I cosleep with lo so we cuddle up on couch and when he wakes up to eat I feed him and he goes right back to sleep, I try to keep it dark and quiet at night so hopefully he learns it is bed time and not play time as he gets older. Dh does not like for us to sleep apart like this and neither do I but I am doing this for lo, besides it will not last forever.
    Mommy to

    Tristian 12 (9-11-98)
    Tyler 10 (1/28/00)
    Tori 9 (10/30/01)
    Tanner (10/26/10)

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,564

    Default Re: Dealing with advice

    I know you know this, but it is such a short time. Not trying to be rude, but is this your DH's first baby? Or did you guys just raise your other three so differently than this one, since you decided to bf?

    I can't believe that lady telling him to tell you to give the baby cereal. Maybe you could laugh and say - Wow! Can you believe what some people do?? - when he brings this kind of thing up, like you think he thinks it's absolutely nuts too?

    It is amazing to me how much advice you get on raising children. Especially if you mention anything other than the American ideal of a scheduled baby that STTN from birth.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    Northern Cal.
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    Default Re: Dealing with advice

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*ttistin View Post
    I think most of his deal is that I can not bf in bed, I can not get comfortable so I usually end up sleeping down stairs on the couch. It is so much more comfortable for me to bf.
    Hm. I would try to work on BF'ing in bed, I think it's much safer than the couch, plus, way more comfy in the long run. I'm sure you're fine, but technically, cosleeping on couches is not recommended because babies can fall off, fall into the crack, etc. I don't want to freak you out, but I think there are several reasons to keep trying the bed-nursing: (1) it's safer; (2) your DH will be happier; (3) it's more comfy; (4) in the long run, your baby will get too big for the couch!

    But of course, regardless of where you sleep, your baby doesn't need solids or a bottle!

    I love this tutorial on side lying nursing. It took me six weeks before I figured out side lying nursing, because my boobs were big and I couldn't figure it out, but whoa-boy, was it a lifesaver! Hopefully once you get that tongue tie sorted out, etc., this will all get easier.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    SoCal
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    Default Re: Dealing with advice

    Hmmm, the thing I wonder is though, is he truly confident in these choices if he seems to question things. From your siggy it seems like you have other kids were they BF as well?


    Off topic, but to you cosleep on the couch?
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    166

    Default Re: Dealing with advice

    I had a few issues after DD was born. DH talked about everything to family, friends, coworkers, etc. It got to the point where he was talking about my scar healing and I finally told him to STFU about our business. They do not need to know how often she nurses, where she sleeps, if she "sleeps through the night" , if we got vaccines, what she weighs, how often she poops, if we are using disposable diapers ... and on and on and on.

    I'm a private person. Having a baby opened a door that some people just shouldn't go through. DH was also coming home with some ANNOYING anecdotes and assumptions that we spent way too much time bickering about.

    After I got upset with DH about divulging info on my lady parts he stopped sharing anything but the basic motor milestones like rolling over, sitting up, crawling, pulling up, walking ... etc. I swear I still can't get some of that horrid advice out of my head.

    I'd suggest to stick to the obvious topics like motor skills and eye color. The rest of the info should be restricted to those that know what is in your medicine cabinet. (anon message boards excluded) And then I'd tread very lightly with the info you share.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    318

    Default Re: Dealing with advice

    My bad advice comes from my mom and MIL. I just tell them that I am not giving solids until LO can sit up all by herself and get the food to her mouth on her own. Then I say she is my baby and things are different now and I will do as I please. It sounds kinda blunt and rude but I was nice about it once...they didn't take the hint so the next time I didn't spare their feelings. Maybe you could get DH some info on breastfeeding and solids. Also with my DH I went to the store and handed him a box of infant cereal and infant cookies that he was oh so dying to feed her and he realized that they were empty calories with little nutrition in them and he hasn't bugged me to feed her them since. good luck and
    Mother to the wonderful Teya - born June 21, 2010

    Wife to Pat Sept 13, 2008

    We are and at school

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