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Thread: 17 months and still going but...

  1. #1

    Question 17 months and still going but...

    It's now 17 months and I feel fortunate to be able to still BF my DD. It's one thing when the critics are friends, mortified strangers staring at you, or even the pediatric NP who gave a glare when told. However, I'm also getting from the DH and his mother.

    I've stopped pumping for a couple of months thinking that would start a slow wean but I still seem to have a good enough supply for morning, afterwork, and nighttime feeds (she is eating solids well as well). DD also is off the bottle and will not drink breastmilk from anywhere but the source. She often nurses for comfort, which is fine when I'm around but with 50-65 hour work weeks the DH feels that he's being set up because as he says "there's no boob" to calm her down and that she has no self soothing skills otherwise. BTW, she usually does fine in daycare, at least they have not expressed any such concerns.

    I'm not in a hurry at this point to wean but am wondering if I'm allowing DD to be too dependent on BF for comfort at her age.

    As for the mother-in-law, any advice to establish boundaries are moot, she is loving but terribly intrusive and have not won that battle and likely never will.

    Anyone in similar situations and/or can help me figure out what I might need to change?

    my little queen born 6/2/09

  2. #2
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    Default Re: 17 months and still going but...

    My DH says the same thing...not in a "I want you to wean" kind of way but in a "I wish I had a ni-ni to give him so he would sit still for 5 minutes" kind of way. They know we have "that" power over our nursing toddlers. That's what Mothering through breastfeeding is talking about. Nursing is a fix all. If you wean not only with your DH not have that to calm your LO...you won't have it either. A friend of mine weaned her DD at 13 mths because she is 31 weeks preggo and didn't want to tandem nurse. She is regretting it now! She called me crying a few weeks ago and said she begged her DD to nurse again and she wouldn't. She said she didn't realize how much easier it is to parent a toddler when they are still nursing.
    Michelle

    Wife to Donnie , my best friend
    Mom to Trenton 1/9/97, Dillan 11/22/01, Ashton 6/19/09

    All boys, weaned at 15 months, at home with Ashton

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    1,946

    Default Re: 17 months and still going but...

    my DD is 19 months and still nursing with no end in sight. I have gotten those looks and questions, but I feel 100% certain that our nursing relationship is just as important today as it was as a newborn. The power of mothering with the breast is AMAZING!!! I wouldnt give it up for the world. Maybe if you arm yourself on info about extended BF, then you will feel more confident in your decision!

    GOOD LUCK!!!!
    Mommy of 4,
    3 who I watch over, 1 who watches over all of us

    J- 8/20/05 pumped breastmilk for 11 months due to his cleft lip and palate!

    M- 10/17/07 my precious baby lives forever in her mommys heart

    M- 3/31/09 my special gift, she helps heal her mommy and daddys heart. Nursed for 4 years and 10 days, self weaned the day her baby brother was born!

    E-, new little miracle born 4/11/13, my BIG baby! Born 8.6 at 38 weeks. At 9 weeks nearly 17lbs, at 12 weeks nearly 20lbs, at 6 months nearly 23lbs, at 8 months nearly 25lbs and all from BREASTMILK


  4. #4
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    Default Re: 17 months and still going but...

    Repeat after me: "The American Academy of Pediatrics says that 'Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother,' and that 'There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer'." (Reference: http://aappolicy.aappublications.org...rics;115/2/496)

    It's totally normal for a baby to calm rapidly in response to nursing. It's one way in which breastfeeding makes life easier on a mom, as opposed to a dad. All those months when you've been up at night with the baby and he hasn't- the fact that you can calm her more easily now is your payback for that! Your DH needs to stop blaming nursing for his difficulties in calming her, and develop some alternate ways of soothing. It's going to take some creativity on his part, but that's parenting for you. Suck it up, buttercup!

    As for the mother-in-law, any advice to establish boundaries are moot, she is loving but terribly intrusive and have not won that battle and likely never will.
    If you can't establish boundaries, the only thing you can do is ignore her. Or perhaps have a huge blow-up. Sometimes a screaming fight is what it takes...
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
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    Default Re: 17 months and still going but...

    I don't know why but it makes people--including my own parents, my in-laws, and my husband--feel better when I tell them DD is slowly cutting back on nursing . She's not, but telling everyone this gets them off my back and what goes on between DD and me is between DD and me. If they happen to be around when DD asks for milk, I'll just put on a puzzled expression and say, "That's weird, she usually never asks for milk at this time." I don't know, it has worked for me, so far. But maybe that's because I seem to have no compunction about lying.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: 17 months and still going but...

    I wouldn't lie....but yes maybe ignore her or avoid talking about it. My 16 month old is nursing right now and nurses around the clock, hasn't cut back at all so I don't know if she'll be nursing when she's 4 or how long, but really it's between her and me and somewhat my husband but really it's definitely not your mother in law's business.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: 17 months and still going but...

    My dh seems to think its a great idea to wean during the day when ds is playing happily. At night when ds is screaming bloody murder because he only gets 10 min on each side (preg and still some soreness) not so much. So he just doesn't mention it anymore unless its at night to ask if I'm sure ds can't nurse a little longer . I fought the weirdness from the in-laws until almost two and then we cut back to only nursing at naps and nighttime so I just let them believe that he's weaned. I agree with pp to fib a little and say she's cutting back to in-laws because its not really their business anyway and if they push it later you can just point out that weaning can be a very long process.
    SAHM to Timothy 8-8-08 Keegan 4-27-11 and Rowen 3-27-13

  8. #8
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    Jul 2009
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    Default Re: 17 months and still going but...

    I love the support the other users posted and I fully agree that the breastfeeding relationship is between you and your child. It is up to the both of you to decide when it's time to wean. It sounds like this is not the time.

    I would suggest taking a step back and seeing it from you DH's point of view. He is obviously feeling overwhelmed because he and your LO don't have the tools needed to find peace when they are together. It sounds like it's time for the 3 of you to explore some methods other than breastfeeding to get to some sort of calm. You have already seen that when this isn't possible your DH starts to resent breastfeeding because it's the only tool the 3 of you have to achieve peace and he can't use it.

    Here are some ways that I have found to find that peace without breastfeeding:

    1. Reflect the feeling your LO is having back. For example your LO is screaming and throwing himself on the floor because you just left the house. Getting down on the childs level and saying "You're sad you're really really sad! Mommy left! You want mommy to come back!" For most children this reflection of their own feelings is extremely helpful to them because it allows them to feel that their own feelings are valid. You can then move from this into distraction "Mommy will be back later. Let's go find the playdough!"

    2. Distraction. Instead of saying "No you can't" "Don't touch that" "No!" etc. try being proactive and when your LO is about to do something they shouldn't distract with another option.

    3. Wearing my toddler. This one worked so well!

    Good luck and remember that you and your nursling are the only ones who get the decide when to wean.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: 17 months and still going but...

    Are you confident with yourself when people ask? Do you simply say, "Yes" when people ask if she is still nursing? confidence tells people that there is no argument to have. Ultimately it is your decision to continue nursing your child. People ask me all the time if DS is still nursing and I say, "Yep" or "heck ya" and I never use the term, "still" because that gives people the impression that he shouldm't be nursing "still"...do you understand what I mean? "He is nursing" compared to "He is still nursing" is completely different. If someone asks how long I plan on nursing DS I say "until he is done" That's it...simple and to the point. If you debate it with people it makes them think they have input on your decision. now with your DH...you need to sit him down and talk to him. It is likely that his mother is telling him that you need to wean your DD. Explain that medical professionals have found that extended breastfeeding is beneficial for both the toddler and the mother. Something like, "Things have changed since your mom had children." When I was a baby doctors thought formula was "just as good" or better than human milk so a lot of people still believe that especially our mothers and MILs. I had to go through this with my MIL and after 4 grandchildren being nursed between my SIL and me she finally learned that no matter what she said or how she said it, we weren't listening. This time around with DS3 she finally admitted that after seeing her grandchildren breastfed she wished she would have nursed her own children. She still tried to put a blanket over me when we were being rolled from labor/delivery to mother/baby in a wheelchair and nursing through the hallway but I simply handed it right back to her and said, "thanks but I don't like to put blankets over my children because I like to see their beautiful faces while they nurse" That was the last time she tried.
    Michelle

    Wife to Donnie , my best friend
    Mom to Trenton 1/9/97, Dillan 11/22/01, Ashton 6/19/09

    All boys, weaned at 15 months, at home with Ashton

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