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Thread: Not sure if I need to do anything

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2007

    Default Not sure if I need to do anything

    So Gabe is 3 years and 9 months. He fully nursed through my pregnancy, slowed down at the very end and then nursed a little bit after Mady was born, but really sort of forgot how, would soft latch for a second and then laugh and pop off, this went on for about the first three months. From that point on he would say that he nurses and not really ask to nurse, he was sort of checking in that it was still acceptable to nurse and I would never really tell him otherwise. However, my family is shocked that I say that it's okay, but I tell them what's the point of saying no to him, he's not nursing, he just wants to say he does and know that mommy still will. The coward in me should follow it up with and I will nurse him if he wants to!

    So at my in-laws on Friday Gabe insisted on nursing, and I allowed it, I was nursing Mady and told himt hat when she was done he could nurse, we have done that in the past but he usually forgets and moves on to something else by that time. This time he insisted, got on my lap as soon as she was done, unclipped my bra and insisted. So I let him nurse. I did have to ask him to stop because I needed to leave and he was okay and genuinely happy. He went in a told my mil that he just nursed and she looked at me with shock, I told her he wanted to and I didn't see the point of denying him when he truly wanted it.

    My question, do I need to do anything, DH seemed a little taken back but not blown away only asked at what point do I say no. That's how I feel too, I don't want to deny him, but then there's the side of me that's influenced by the rest of the world and wnders when do i say no....WWYD?

    As of this moment, I am going to continue how we have been, I see nothing wrong with it but then there's that societal voice that I try and not listen to looming int he back of my head....

    Mommy to Gabriel born 12/25/06 Breastfed 12/25/06 - 12/09 and possibly here and there still
    Madelyn born 9/24/09 delivered at home and caught by my husband

    "To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Piggott, AR

    Default Re: Not sure if I need to do anything

    "I see nothing wrong with it" - there is your answer. If you are OK with it, your kids are OK with it, and your husband is OK with it, what else matters? "Society" is not in your house 24/7, and these are your children to raise and to nurture and comfort. I know it is hard to field remarks and questions even you don't know the answers to, but frankly it is no one else's business. I have a 1yo I am nursing and will continue to nurse until she wants to stop - I have already taken to responding with "that's what we do" when anyone asks - I figure the looks and remarks will only get worse from here. 25 years from now, I will remember the tenderness of nursing my children, will I remember or care what someone said against it?
    Lori -
    wife to Davis, my best friend and strongest supporter
    45 yo mom to 3

    Lee Allen Christopher - 20 - precious preemie , all grown up; BF 6 wks
    Connor Ethan - 15 - my red head , ALL boy, ALL the time; BF 14 mo
    Mollie Rhiannon - 6 - my surprise , more fun than I ever expected; still loves her ninny!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2010

    Default Re: Not sure if I need to do anything

    I think you're doing great. If you need linkies, there is, of course, no evidence of any psychological harm to a child who breastfeeds into his third year or beyond:


    First-time mom to Little Manatee (1/7/2010)

    Nursed for 3 1/2 years!

    My little boy is my everything.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    Default Re: Not sure if I need to do anything

    I don't have any great advice for you, but wanted to let you know that we're kind of in the same boat, except that I exclusively pumped for Liam (he's 3.5 now), and he never really nursed. But after his brother was born, he wanted to nurse off and on. Well not really nurse, just kind of suckle. So I let him. And he still asks to this day if he can have "nursies" too. I just started rejecting him because I'm now at the point that I don't feel comfortable doing it. I have no idea why, and I almost feel a little guilty. But anyway, there was a time that we were over at my IL's, and he asked to nurse. And everyone laughed, and MIL said "you're way too big for that!", and it broke my heart. I unfortunately couldn't nurse him at the moment, but I wish I could've just to put everyone in their places.
    So I get the family shock of a nurisng pre-schooler. And I wish people weren't so judgemental about it.
    If you still feel comfortable doing it, then do.
    Mommy to L - May 7, 07' , B - February 7, 09' , and R - August 18, 12'

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    miles from nowhere

    Default Re: Not sure if I need to do anything

    Kelly, I'm sure you know that you aren't doing anything wrong by nursing him. At the same time the recommendations on breastfeeding include the mother's comfort by saying "as long as mutually desired by mother and child." If you don't want to do it anymore it's ok to stop. If you feel like it's time, maybe a talk with Gabe about it is in order. Just to see where he is with it and get an idea of his motivation for continuing. Maybe he's ready to stop and maybe he's not, but talking with him about it won't hurt things one way or the other.

    If the two of you do talk about it and you decide that it's time to stop I don't think you should feel guilty about it just because it wasn't his idea. You've done a great thing and given him a wonderful gift by nursing him as long as you have. If you're ready to end that chapter in your lives it's OK.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Ann Arbor, MI

    Default Re: Not sure if I need to do anything

    Here is a great article from Mothering magazine that talks about the benefits of nursing your baby past three years old. Sounds to me like you are doing a terrific job mama!!

    9 yrs. w/ DH
    mother to Dylan
    11/27/2009 ~ 7 lbs. 3 oz. ~ 20 & 1/2 inches

    and and

    we're almost to THREE YEARS!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Dartmouth NS

    Default Re: Not sure if I need to do anything

    I nurse my 18m old and my 4 1/2yr old. Lots of my family is supportive but others are very negative especially about the oldest child. Fortunitly she is old enouge to understand a lot now and I've explained to her that it's great for big kids to nurse but not everyone understands that. So we don't nurse in front of Grampy or Auntly Val etc. I've never told her she has to lie about nursing or that we should hide it, just that it makes some people uncomfortable so we'll choose to do it somewhere cozy just for us. She loves to nurse and will tell anyone who asks but frankly the people that are not okay with it don't ask.
    Mama to Bianca, born July 3rd 2006
    and Oakly, born April 17th 2009

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2006

    Default Re: Not sure if I need to do anything

    Its really what works for *you* and Gabe--not anyone else. I know its hard sometimes to shut out other people and their opinions, especially when its family, but its up to you and him.

    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs

    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    New York

    Default Re: Not sure if I need to do anything

    isn't it interesting that your toddler decided to actually breastfeed while you were at your in-laws? perhaps he was being your conduit for gently asserting yourself? are there other issues that you desire to let your voice be heard but you have been to meek to express? Just a thought.
    Started my family in 1986
    Finally done in 2001

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