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Thread: Heartbroken - 2nd Time Around w/ OALD/Oversupply

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Heartbroken - 2nd Time Around w/ OALD/Oversupply

    Sorry for the long winded, rambling post ... I'm incredibly emotional right now (and not solely because of this issue, but other crummy family stuff).

    I just had my second baby girl in July and she just turned 12 weeks today. Okay, wait ... I should probably start with my first baby girl, Adeline's story. We were regulars here on LLL's forums back then. I had a massive oversupply and overactive let down, as well as horrible thrush that lasted for months and she had severe reflux. My poor baby was so traumatized by the force and quantity of milk that she eventually began to scream if I put her to my breast and frequently went on nursing strikes. It was a heartbreaking time for both of us, we would both be in tears on a daily basis. I felt like a failure for not being able to comfort my baby ... instead my own body was creating a nightmare for her tiny self. Despite all of that, when the milk flow was normal she would LOVE nursing. Adeline would nurse for hours on end, and as much as some moms shudder at being "stuck" nursing for 3 to 4 hours at a time, I loved it. After I got my milk supply under control at around 6-7 months, she began to really adore nursing all the time ... comfort nursing was her thing. And night nursing all night long. She didn't go to sleep without nursing to sleep even a *single* time until she was four and a half years old. Yep, after all that nightmare we still nursed through my second pregnancy and she kept nursing until a few days after baby came (but that's another long post, LOL).

    So, here we are with my second precious baby girl, Eliza. We had a good start ... and then my milk came in. She was okay at first, struggled with it and swallowed tons of air, but she managed. However, over the weeks she became more and more fussy at the breast, refusing completely many times (rooting to nurse, then screaming when I put her in position to nurse ... or starting to suck and then screaming when the milk came down). From the beginning she would nurse for a max of maybe 5 minutes ... many times even less, before popping off. Eliza never seems to relax nursing, rarely ends with comfort nursing (instead she nurses, gagging and choking, for a few minutes while flailing her arms, eyes wide open and then pops off all flustered and upset). And she rarely nurses to sleep. This is so different from my first ... even with all the problems Adeline and I had she always, always nursed to sleep. And she would always nurse while sleepy and through the night (sleepy nursing and eventually reverse feeding was what helped us survive those nursing strike periods).

    I am trying to be mature and rational about all this. But it's really breaking my heart. Eliza has now started to suck her hand in a mad frenzy for comfort. I know I should just be happy that she *can* be comforted ... but is it selfish for me to want to be the one to comfort her? Now, even when my breast is nearly "empty," if I try to comfort her with nursing she refuses and instead looks for her hand or just cries in fussiness. I'm still working on lowering my supply, but am I too late? Are we destined to never have a sweet, nurturing breastfeeding experience like I had with my first baby girl? I feel like a failure and I feel like I can't even comfort my 12 week old baby. Tonight I tried nursing her laying down in bed, there was no forceful let down or tons of milk, and yet she flailed her arms and legs and tried getting away after just half a minute ... and then acted incredibly fussy until she found her hand to suck on. I was just so emotionally upset that I had her daddy hold her ... she sucked on her hand in his arms until she fell asleep. She's still asleep on his chest now, when normally I would have her sleeping next to me ... but I feel like she doesn't need me. (and I realize how childish this sounds, believe me, I do)

    My husband just shakes his head at me and tells me I should be happy that she is content. And I *am* happy that she can comfort herself ... but I am also heartbroken that I am unable to provide that comfort, and at the possible loss of another beautiful breastfeeding relationship (and she is most likely our last baby if my husband has his way).

    So, I guess my questions are ... am I crazy, immature and selfish for feeling this way? And do you think she'll ever enjoy comfort nursing so we can have that beautiful, nurturing nursing relationship ... or will she just nurse when she *has* to for food and be done with breastfeeding as soon as she is able?

    Mama to Adeline Brett, breastfed for 4.5 years (12/14/05) and little Eliza June, new tiny sprite in my arms and still learning the ropes (7/18/10)

    Family Blog • If I'm here I'm nursing and typing one handed ... forgive the typos!
    And I'm not a newbie at all ... I'm trying to get my old user ID working from back in the day ... paint-the-moon

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Heartbroken - 2nd Time Around w/ OALD/Oversupply

    I don't have a lot of advice but I just wanted to say that it is totally normal to feel the way you are feeling.
    Jessica

    Moma to DS1-the monkinroanie (3/09) and DS2-the sweet pumpkin (5/12)
    Strong Women- May we have the delight of knowing them, the courage to be them and the privilege of raising them.
    And yes I know my spelling terrible (is that spelled right? )

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Default Re: Heartbroken - 2nd Time Around w/ OALD/Oversupply

    Totally normal to feel the way you do! I think we all pattern our second (and probably third, fourth, fifth, whatever) nursing experiences after our first- fearing the things that went wrong with our first, hoping for the things that went right...

    I think it's definitely not too late to hope for long stretches of comfort nursing and cuddling. I had some OS/OALD with my second and I thought she'd never want to comfort nurse... But she's 5 months old now, the OS/OALD is pretty much gone, and she LOVES to comfort nurse and cuddle!

    Just hang in there and keep on block feeding. You'll get there.

    P.S. Nice to "see" you back, though I wish it weren't because you have a problem that needs solving!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Heartbroken - 2nd Time Around w/ OALD/Oversupply

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*paint.the.moon View Post
    So, I guess my questions are ... am I crazy, immature and selfish for feeling this way? And do you think she'll ever enjoy comfort nursing so we can have that beautiful, nurturing nursing relationship ... or will she just nurse when she *has* to for food and be done with breastfeeding as soon as she is able?
    Not at all mama. Not selfish at all. You want to comfort her at the breast. It is a site of nourishment AND safety. That does not change because of your OALD. There's still hope for resolution.

    Both my girls dealt with my OALD and now DD2 is a very happy comfort nurser at 18mos. You'll get there.

    Good to 'see' you again. You were one of the first mamas to answer my post. Congrats on the birth of your second DD.

    Mama to my little Diva: Miss K (7/15/06)
    And her little sister: Lulu Pie (3/21/09)

    "Don't toush da mango"
    One-handed typer Extraordinaire!
    My body creates, houses, nurtures and nourishes life. That is awesome.
    Kegel Kop says: TIGHTEN UP!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Heartbroken - 2nd Time Around w/ OALD/Oversupply

    Good to "see" you again and congratulations on your gorgeous baby!

    I think we all have an idealized view of how we'd like our breastfeeding relationship (and mothering in general) to be. So when the reality falls short, yes it is totally normal to be emotional and upset.

    I think that your new baby is very young still and that your breastfeeding relationship will continue to evolve. Yes - it will probably be very different than your experiences with your first child. I'm still learning how to look at each child individually and let go of jumping to comparisons.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  6. #6
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    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: Heartbroken - 2nd Time Around w/ OALD/Oversupply

    Annie. Congrats! 12 weeks is so early! It took you and Addie longer than this to find your groove. Give yourself time. It MAY very well be a completely different nursing relationship. But as committed as you are and I know you and I know your commitment giving your baby the best food, it won't matter. You will find your way with this Newb just as you always did with Addie. Through strikes, through gag issues and solids, you made it. Even if this child doesn't want to comfort nurse you will find your way. Just the way Haylee and Erin found their way. Congratulations on your new daughter! And it's always a pleasure to see you.
    kkvm,kvjcfivjjdfijiduf8duuuuueb78 That's DJ saying hi. And He also weaned right around 4.5 years old. There are pictures of his weaning party in the weaning section.

    Way too lazy for formula

  7. #7

    Default Re: Heartbroken - 2nd Time Around w/ OALD/Oversupply

    I am brand new to the forum (today)! I do not have any advice, but I share your pain. I am a new mom to a 11 week old and I have OALD/OS too. She has a love/hate relationship to nursing and it makes me feel awful when she gags, coughs, spits, and fusses at my breast. I feel like I am hurting her rather than nurturing her. So, I feel the same exact way as you. In fact, last week my ped suggested she was "allergic" to my breast milk (not something I am eating) and told me I had to stop for five days so her belly could heal. I literally burst into tears in his office over stopping for five days. She refused the formula, so it didn't happen (thank goodness). I need to post my own questions about this, but just wanted to tell you that I think your feelings are normal and hopefully it will get better soon All the best.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    18,063

    Default Re: Heartbroken - 2nd Time Around w/ OALD/Oversupply

    welcome back...

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