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Thread: Lack of support already!

  1. #11

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    My mother, sisters, cousins, coworkers, friends and complete strangers have said the same things to me. My baby is 16 mos old and still sleeps with me, and nurses on demand. If it's making you and your baby happy, that's all that matters. Good for you for looking elsewhere for support! Please don't give up...you'll be so happy you didn't. I felt the same way when mine was around 9 mos and today I'm proud that we weathered it! All the best to you and Faith.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Minnesota, USA
    Posts
    23

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    Remember breastfeeding and "extended" breastfeeding is the BIOLOGICAL norm for humans, even if it is no longer a CULTURAL norm for most of us. I'm not afraid to say I sleep with my children, that I let they young one nurse whenever they want. I'm confident now in my decisions (thanks to LLL) and I think more women need to see a confident MOTHER. Don't be quiet, unless the situations is really beligerent, you don't know who listening and who you could be supporting by speaking up.
    Son #1 Born Winter 2004 (BF/FF out of ignornance, nursed for 3 years)
    Son #2 Born Fall 2009 (EBF thanks to LLL!!!)

    Be the change you wish to see in the world!

    Best book ever: Gabrielle Palmer's "The Politics of Breastfeeding, when breasts are bad for business"

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    112

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    I've just learned to not bring up nursing/sleeping stuff with people. If pressed, I'll mention that John ends up in our bed halfway through the night, but that's about it. People at work know I'm still pumping, but no one comments on it.

    I have noticed that the cosleeping happens far more frequently than people will fess up about it. I thought I was kinda a freak, but a lot of women I've talked to say they did it/still do it. I know as a working mom, I do it out of laziness, because I just don't want to spend the time resettling him or being sleep deprived while he cries. Plus, he's nice and snuggly. :-p

    I know when he was much younger, I was constantly putting myself out there for validation of parenting skillz, but it would just backfire on me. It's just easier to stay quiet and find community in a crunchy group (Holistic Moms Network in the US, LLL, breastfeeding groups, etc) or online.

    Keep breastfeeding for as long as it works for both you and your child. For me, I had supply issues, and I took it day by day, with my first goal making it through cold/flu season. I'm a teacher, so I wanted that added health benefit for him. People can make all the comments they want, but they aren't the mom. You hold the control. Besides, when they get older, their nursing patterns change and you can redirect them to only nurse at home or out of public. Going out with my son, I don't think anyone would guess he's still nursing at nearly 16 months (unless he's trying to pull up/down my shirt).
    Mom to:
    Johann, Born June 21, 2009 8lb, 7oz & 22in nursed until 2 years old
    Lydia, Born March 30, 2013 9lb, 5.6oz & 21.75 inches

    Nursed through hypothryroidism, IGT, and a SNS both times around

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    94

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    Its a shame that people feel the need to let you know their opinion on your parenting choices. As a first time mother, I've learnt to just ignore these and filter out anything that may be useful/relevant to how I want to parent my child. I think it's a necessary sanity thing really, to learn to ignore these comments.

    Here in NZ, the govt promotes BF, and encourages exclusive BF till 6 months, but that's as far as they're prepared to go, and that's the point that a lot of people think they have to wean, and will start passing comments about people who BF beyond that. It's accepted to BF to 12 months here, but anything beyond that is deemed unusual.

    I'm still BF my 27 month old DD, and when we got to 13 months old, I found that I knew so few people who had BF that long, that I needed support to make myself not feel so "out there", so I started going along to my local La Leche League meetings, and found many mothers continuing to BF beyond the social norms.

    So check out if there is a LLL group near you, you'll hopefully find it helpful, encouraging, and a good reality check that there are other mothers out there who think like you.
    Alison, mummy to Erin
    Born @ 30 weeks, 2nd July 2008, 3lb 11oz, fully breastfed

    cloth nappy wearing bub.

  5. #15

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    another mum in the UK too!

    DD is six mo old and we're starting to realise too that we're a minority now - bfing and cosleeping. The HV I have wasn't to great either but I see a different one at the baby clinics and she's ok, maybe that's an option for you too? There's quite a few different baby clinics round here, I couldn't go to the original one as we had swimming lessons at the same time so just changed to one on another day. They had no problem with that and I only go once a month or so anyway!
    I'd definitely second (or third!) the advice to go to a LLL meeting as well (or maybe a babywearing group as they often have similar ideas), there's lots of mums who think the same way; you just have to find them .

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Piggott, AR
    Posts
    60

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    I agree with "smudgycat" - I just avoid bringing it up anymore. Mollie is 1 today and we nurse on demand and cosleep. Maybe it's having 3 kids, or maybe it's being older when she came (38), but I just don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation. In the beginning I wanted to share what I think is a wonderful thing, but have been disappointed in some of the responses I have received. It doesn't matter anyway - I know what I am doing is the best for her and I will have no regrets about any of it when she is grown.

    This time is precious and fleeting and I will enjoy it to the fullest!!!
    Lori -
    wife to Davis, my best friend and strongest supporter
    43 yo mom to 3

    Lee Allen Christopher - 19 - precious preemie , all grown up; BF 6 wks
    Connor Ethan - 13 - my red head , ALL boy, ALL the time; BF 14 mo
    Mollie Rhiannon - 5 - my surprise , more fun than I ever expected; BFing, no end in sight!!

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