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Thread: Lack of support already!

  1. #1

    Default Lack of support already!

    Hi

    I am so glad to have found this site (after ordering - the womanly art of breastfeeding - which is fantastic). I live in the UK and although my little girl is nearly 8 months at the moment, I hope to feed her well past a year. I am already finding that people are telling me to wean her to:
    "get my life back" - I have a life and I choose to and enjoy feeding my baby,
    as well as comments such as
    "please tell me you're not going to feed her as a toddler that is disgusting"
    Bearing in my these are friend's with babies of around the same age, nevermind people without children. I am lucky to have a full year off work and am enjoying everything about breastfeeding! The bond Faith and I have, the fantastic nutrition she is receiving and the comfort she so visibly gets from it. I just wish I could find more support locally!

    In the UK it seems that you're encouraged to BF, but once you get past 6 months the health visitors encourage you to start weaning. Having been told by one health visitor that I should not be night feeding at this age and should start controlled crying now! I am not doing controlled crying full stop and am continuing to feed at night. I feel I can't even mention to anybody (except one friend who feels and does the same) that although Faith starts the night in her cot, when she wakes at 12am for a feed we then co-sleep. This is often responded to with comments such as "you are making a rod for your own back!"

    It would be great to get support along the way, as I fear that regular negative comments may shorten my plans for continued breastfeeding. I hope to be strong and persevere as I know I will deeply regret giving up due to lack of support.

    Sorry for the rant and very long post, just hope someone can help me.

    Thanks
    Emma xxxx

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    2,570

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    My advice: Stop talking to your friends about it. They don't need to know that she starts in her cot and ends in your bed. Talk to your friend who is supportive...or us I know as a new mom you get a lot of questions and the biggest one is, "How is he/she sleeping?" I've learned to say, "Oh, she sleeps great." Because, really, for what I'm comfortable with and my REALISTIC expectations, she does sleep great.

    I know with my first, I tended to vent to my friends or other women, and what I learned is that often leads to advice that I did or did not agree with whether I was actually asking for advice or not. I think these people really do think they are supporting you. They think, "Duh, it's time to cry-it-out, have you tried that?" When really, if that's not at all what you are wanting to do, it will just stress you out.


    Jeanne (my middle name IRL)


    Mommy to two girls (M & M), born Sept. '07 and Sept. '09

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    2,570

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    Oh, and I just realized this is your first post, so I know you will find a lot of support here and like-minded mamas


    Jeanne (my middle name IRL)


    Mommy to two girls (M & M), born Sept. '07 and Sept. '09

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    55

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    Someone once told me that opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one.

    I find this sooooo true with parenting opinions. I just don't even discuss my parenting choices with many of my "friends" except for the very few who do breastfeed and/or co-sleep, etc.

    Don't worry about what other people think about your choices. Its about you, your little one(s) and your partner.

    Since finding this forum, I find that I totally turn here for my parenting advice/discussions since there tends to be like-mindedness.
    JKM 7/28/09 10 lbs, 22.5 inches still nursing at least twice a day (more if I would let him!)

    FDM 11/16/11 8 lbs 15 oz, 20.25 inches EBF

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Northern Pizzaland
    Posts
    604

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    Hi Mama!
    from another european mom!
    I'm in Italy and here the situation is similar.breastfeeding is good but not after a certain point,which can be 6 mos or 1 year depending on who you are talking to.
    you got great advices already,I agree with pps,don't talk with people about BFing and cosleeping!unless you are ready to get stupid,uninformed and unwanted advices!
    here you'll find a lot of likeminded mommas you can talk to.
    I still BF my 16 mos old and we cosleep fulltime.I just talk about this with other LLL moms at meetings or on this forum because most of my friends do CIO or weaned abruptly or do other things that are not in my parenting book(like spanking,for example)and I don't want to get confrontational.
    by the way I proudly BF in public when I'm around and I LMAO at people's faces when they see a walking baby climbing mummy to get his nur-nur!
    I'm Lisa,SAHM to M. 5/14/09 my velcro boy!

    we made it to 19 mos!!! no end in sight
    always and (I'd like to have a just LO and mom cosleeping smilie...)
    food sensitivity to dairy,apple and orange
    we just started to put cloth on
    if I'm here I'm
    love this forum!!!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,114

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jkmmama View Post
    Don't worry about what other people think about your choices. Its about you, your little one(s) and your partner.


    Also, people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Criticism can flow both ways- from them to you, and from you right back to them.

    In general, I feel that when dealing with criticism, you can either ignore or educate. If you prefer education, here are some resources:

    Extended Breastfeeding's Benefits
    When to Wean
    WHO breastfeeding resources (recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of 2 years, with no upper limit)
    Unraveling Breast Milk
    AAP Policy Statement on Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk (recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of 1 year, with no upper limit)
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,950

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    welcome and I am so sorry that you arent recieving the support that you need. I sincerely feel sorry for those who didint nurse. The bond is amazing, and if youa re able to nurse beyond a year...it is amazing! My DD is 18 months and the best times we have are when we nurse. I hope that you can drown out the negative and keep strong. You are doing the BEST for your baby. Can you attend any local LLL meetings? There you will find plenty of likeminded moms.
    Mommy of 4,
    3 who I watch over, 1 who watches over all of us

    J- 8/20/05 pumped breastmilk for 11 months due to his cleft lip and palate!

    M- 10/17/07 my precious baby lives forever in her mommys heart

    M- 3/31/09 my special gift, she helps heal her mommy and daddys heart. Nursed for 4 years and 10 days, self weaned the day her baby brother was born!

    E-, new little miracle born 4/11/13, my BIG baby! Born 8.6 at 38 weeks. At 9 weeks nearly 17lbs, at 12 weeks nearly 20lbs, at 6 months nearly 23lbs, at 8 months nearly 25lbs and all from BREASTMILK


  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    2,627

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    Yeah I vote for not telling people what you are doing unless you know they're going to be supportive. I'm not telling my friends who never breastfed about what we're doing because 1. they don't care 2. they're really not going to be supportive. My most supportive friends are friends who have similar parenting styles and either have breastfed or are bfing now. No one needs to know how you sleep, how long you plan to nurse or anything. I agree it's nice having friends who are supportive, though.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Essex, UK
    Posts
    50

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    Hi Emma! Welcome to the forums!

    First, congratulations on getting this far and how awesome is it that you want to continue!

    I live in the UK also. I don't know where you live, but where I am I don't necessarily have to stay with just one health visitor in my area. Luckily there are several that I can go to that are all relatively close by, so if I can't get to my usual one I have a few options available to me. Perhaps you could find a different one in your area that is a lot more breastfeeding friendly? I know that when my health visitor first came to our house she gave us a whole pack of information which included all of the different baby clinics and health visitors we could go to in the area.

    I also agree with the previous posters that sometimes it's a waste of time telling people about your choices unless you know that they'll be supportive. You will always find like-minded women on these forums though! Is there any LLL meetings in your area?

    Where in the UK are you?
    I'm Terri, a Canadian living in England.

    Married my soul mate in September, 2008 and share the same wedding anniversary as my parents and grandparents.

    Mommy to S born 19/03/2010 and to Z 01/11/2011

    We always, and we love as much as possible.

    "When you're moving in the positive, your destination is the brightest star" - Stevie Wonder, Jammin'

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Windsor, UK
    Posts
    32

    Default Re: Lack of support already!

    Hi, Emma!
    Welcome to the forum!!
    I, too, am in the UK and just 2 weeks ago I had a similar to yours conversations with a HV about why I shouldn't be feeding my daughter at night anymore. SHe was giving me her opinion, I didn't like it, so we're sticking with what we have been doing - co-sleeping and night-nursing.

    I agree with you about the lack of support. Most of the mums who gave birth at the same time as me, went straight onto formula feeding, and those who tried breast feeding gave up by now. We had a local breastfeeding support group at a Sure start centre locally, but before I got a chance to make it for a meeting, they closed down due to "the lack of interest".
    So I joined this forum and never looked back, the support you get here is amazing. I don;t often post but I lurk a lot
    1st time Mommy to Elizabeth Rose, born March 7th, 2010.

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