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Thread: So so sad

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    227

    Unhappy So so sad

    Hi All

    So, I posted a few days ago saying that my 9 mos DS and I had been really ill with a tummy bug. At the time I was producing very little milk because I was so dehydrated so DS was getting very frustrated. Anyway, this seems to be the catalyst to him being weaned.

    Since being ill DS has not settled in our bed and will only sleep in his own cot. Not only that but he has only asked to nurse a couple of times. DH and I agreed that I wouldn't nurse DS anymore as he was happy enough without it and as I have to travel a lot with work it will make DH's life easier when he settles DS and I am not there.

    I know that DS is perfectly happy with the new arrangement as he is sleeping, eating and being his usual self. However, I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo sad about it!

    Is it normal to feel this sad about the end of a nursing relationship? My boobs are quite sore still (we stopped nursing about 5 days ago) and I just keep thinking 'it's not too late' and I am so tempted to started nursing again.

    I am so heartbroken that I feel thoroughly depressed and it is affecting my work (I am at work right now!). I just can't get it out of my mind and choke back tears all the time. I can't really talk to my work colleagues about it as none of them have breastfed for any length of time.

    I can't talk to my DH about it because he believes that we have made the best decision. Don't get me wrong he has always been a massive supporter of breastfeeding, but to quote 'well you have to stop sometime, so now is as good a time as any'. As supportive as he is, I don't think men can truly understand this.

    Any support or advice would be great

    Thanks in advance
    Amy, very proud Mum to beautiful Gabriel, born 11/12/2009. We are looking forward to baby number 2 arriving in January

    We loved , but stopped after 9 months because I went back to work. We think that cloth nappies rock

    Could not have breastfed without the fab support of husband Chris and of course the LLL!!!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    20,819

    Default Re: So so sad

    Oh, Mama! It's definitely normal to feel sad when the nursing relationship ends. I was a little mournful when my first DD weaned even though she was 3 years old and we were both ready.

    I personally would not let go of your breastfeeding career just yet. Your DH may think that weaning will make his life easier when you're not around- but you can tell him I said "Suck it up, buttercup," because that's not a good rationale for early weaning. And 9 months is early: the recommendation from the American Academy of Pediatrics is for breastfeeding to continue for at least 1 year, and as long thereafter as mutually desirable. At this point, your baby needs either breastmilk or formula to make up the majority of his diet- so why not have it be breastmilk?

    I would get busy with the pump ASAP. Breastmilk in bottles is a valuable resource, and at the very least pumping will relieve your discomfort. And I would also start offering the breast to the baby as often as possible. The likelihood is that he's not really done- just on a nursing strike.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    Good ole ATX y'all!
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    Default Re: So so sad

    with everything mommal said, if you don't wanna give up then keep going! At least pumping bm is better than formula and then you can just bf when together.

    Also breastfeeding produces lots of hormones in the momma. One that produces let down is also a feed good hormone that you feel when happy and relaxed and also during sex. (can't remember the name of it right now I'm severely sleep deprived at the moment) The sudden loss of this nice daily hormone can bring on depression and sadness. So that is totally normal. Not to mention the loss of the relationship. It is so sad. Especially when you haven't had time to prepare.

    Your LO is likely on a nursing strike though. That's pretty typical when a LO gets sick. When he's better he may make more demands for it. So be prepared for that.
    Jen - mom to 3
    DD who I FF
    I survived 10 painful mastitis infections and managed to nurse DS1 till he was 3 years and 7 months
    and now DS2 4 years now working on gentle weaning and


    "Pride is one of the seven deadly sins; but it can not be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues - faith and hope." Charles Dickens

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    Texas
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    Default Re: So so sad

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*proudmamaof3 View Post
    with everything mommal said, if you don't wanna give up then keep going! At least pumping bm is better than formula and then you can just bf when together.

    Also breastfeeding produces lots of hormones in the momma. One that produces let down is also a feed good hormone that you feel when happy and relaxed and also during sex. (can't remember the name of it right now I'm severely sleep deprived at the moment) The sudden loss of this nice daily hormone can bring on depression and sadness. So that is totally normal. Not to mention the loss of the relationship. It is so sad. Especially when you haven't had time to prepare.

    Your LO is likely on a nursing strike though. That's pretty typical when a LO gets sick. When he's better he may make more demands for it. So be prepared for that.


    Sounds like a nursing strike. DD went through one and I stopped nursing then. I wasn't comfortable about doing it, but thought she didn't care. I didn't know about "nursing strikes" then. I STILL regret stopping when we did. At least with DS I was more educated and we had a great, long nursing relationship.
    I say if you don't feel comfortable stopping yet - DON'T!
    Our blessings from God!
    Kylee was born September, 2006 - 9 lbs. 12 1/2 oz, 21 inches long.
    Kiefer was born January, 2008 - 6 lbs. 14 oz, 19 1/2 inches long.
    He was diagnosed with a severe peanut allergy at 12 1/2 months old. Others later discovered.
    And I am even more blessed by being married to my best friend and the most honorable man I've ever known.

    "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." - Abraham Lincoln

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,564

    Default Re: So so sad

    Are you giving him formula in bottles instead? At 9 months, he needs to be getting the bulk of his nutrition from your milk or formula.

    Also, here's a link on whether or not babies under a year self wean:
    http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/babyselfwean.html

    that he is probably on a strike. And you can decide to take advantage of that and wean him now, if you want, but he is probably not self-weaning. Only you can really decide what you want to do, and I wouldn't put any weight in your DHs opinion regarding this issue, personally.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
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    Maine
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    Default Re: So so sad

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*twokmommy View Post



    I say if you don't feel comfortable stopping yet - DON'T!
    absolutely.

    a lot of times i think partners of the one who's breastfeeding don't get how mutually beneficial nursing is. My DH has always been very supportive, but assumed i would stop at a year because that's what most mamas do around here. It helps us a lot to talk about it openly. a lot.

    Now he jokes that it'll be time to stop when max can walk over to me while i'm standing up and latch on

    ultimately, if your husband is supportive and wants the best health for your son, it'll be easy to talk this one through.

    good luck, mama.
    Julia and Maxwell (and Dan and Haddie)
    Maxwell, born January 3, 2010
    A year on Mama's milk and still loving it

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Canada
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    Default Re: So so sad

    If you're not ready to stop, please don't.
    Mommy to L - May 7, 07' , B - February 7, 09' , and R - August 18, 12'

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
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    Default Re: So so sad

    9months is really really early. Your sadness is your instincts telling you it's too soon. Follow your instincts Mama.

    Way too lazy for formula

  9. #9

    Default Re: So so sad

    How is it going? Any update?
    Thinking of you.
    Alene
    LLL Leader

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,106

    Default Re: So so sad

    Agree not self Weaning sounds like a nursing strike if u don't want to wean don't tell dh to deal with it because formula is not as good and is expensive and u cud also point out that breastmilk never gets recalled because there r bugs in it
    Michelle

    Wife to Donnie , my best friend
    Mom to Trenton 1/9/97, Dillan 11/22/01, Ashton 6/19/09

    All boys, weaned at 15 months, at home with Ashton

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