Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 1 of 5 12345 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 47

Thread: I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

  1. #1

    Default I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

    My friend's baby is almost ten months old, and he's below the 5th percentile for weight. I know that's not necessarily a problem, but I am concerned that she is underfeeding him.

    There are several reasons why I'm worried:

    First, she says she nurses him on a schedule at 7, 12, 4, and 8, but I've been with her several times when she's gone longer than six hours without nursing. That's what I did when I was weaning my babies, not at ten months!

    Second, she has breast implants.

    Third, both mom and baby are anemic.

    Fourth, baby's hair is falling out.

    Fifth, the doctor told her to supplement with formula because baby is underweight and anemic.

    Details:

    She gives him tons of baby food all day long in a feeder. It's something I've never seen before, and you can't just buy one at Target or Walmart. She ordered it from some obscure website. It's basically a bottle for giving baby food.

    She doesn't feed any foods with fats or protein. It's all things like green beans and pears that have very few calories.

    I thought foods at her baby's age were just for fun and practice and should only be given with a spoon or what baby can feed himself. Am I wrong here?

    She was going on a date with her husband tonight, and she called me earlier to say that she had pumped for several hours, every thirty minutes, but only had half an ounce from all that pumping combined. I asked her what she was going to do, and she said, "I'll just leave a couple of jars of baby food and some juice." When I asked her if the low output for the pump concerned her, she said, "No, I know I have tons of milk; I just can't get it out with the pump because my boobs are so big."

    The little fellow is just so skinny! I feel sorry for him! I know breastmilk is best, and no mother who's commited to breastfeeding wants to give her baby formula, but wouldn't it be preferable to babyfood in a bottle?

    I'm at a loss. What do you other moms think? Would you be concerned? If so, how would you deal with the situation?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    1,519

    Default Re: I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

    I would be concerned about some of the things that you posted except for the breast implants. The only reason I say this is that I have breast implants and I successfully nursed my youngest son for over two years with no issues. It would be one thing if her baby was simply in a low percentile for weight. My oldest son wasn't even on the charts when he was younger, but he is completely healthy and there is nothing wrong with him. He is just a small guy! The fact that they are both anemic sets of a red flag for me. Has her pediatrician suggested what she should be doing besides supplementing with formula?

    How close of a friend is she to you? Would you feel comfortable voicing these concerns to her?
    Penthouse

    Mama to
    DS1 (9 years old...nursed for 7 months - how I wish this forum had been around back then!)
    DS2 (after nursing for a tad over two years, I *think* we are done )

  3. #3

    Default Re: I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

    Thank you for the quick reply.

    It's good to know that you can nurse successfully with implants. I was worried about that...

    We're pretty good friends...we talk on the phone a couple times a day and take our little ones out shopping occasionally.

    No, I don't think the doctor has suggested anything other than formula supplementation.

    Can you tell me more about why the anemia in mom and baby concerns you, please?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    1,519

    Default Re: I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

    It only concerns me because it means that they are iron deficient. I normally hear pediatricians suggest an iron supplement for anemic babies who are breastfed. The reason why they suggested formula is because it has iron in it, but there are definitely other ways to get iron besides formula.
    Penthouse

    Mama to
    DS1 (9 years old...nursed for 7 months - how I wish this forum had been around back then!)
    DS2 (after nursing for a tad over two years, I *think* we are done )

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    612

    Default Re: I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

    Anemia is actually a condition where there is a shortage of red blood cells. Red blood cells are what carry oxygen to all your cells, including your brain and all your organs. There are several potential causes of anemia. The most common is iron deficiency. Deficiency in copper and Vitamin B12 can also lead to anemia. With babies, iron deficiency is typically the cause (and baby food fruits don't have iron). Hair loss is a symptom of a pretty significant anemia.

    It's a problem because baby's organs are literally starving for oxygen, and it sounds like it's significant and long-term.

    My personal take on this is that it's a very significant situation. Your friend should not be nursing on a schedule, that is not how breastfeeding is supposed to work. My son is almost 9 months old, and eats every 3 hours. 5-6 hours during the day, with almost 12 hour stretches at night, that's not enough.

    I think you need to have a very serious talk with your friend. This is not just the pediatrician pushing formula. Her baby's health is at stake.

    And I know this may be controversial, but I've worked with a lot of children in crisis, and I have zero tolerance for parents whose stupidity is jeopardizing the health of their children. So I'd call child protective services on her if she doesn't do something to help her child. Not everyone will agree with me, but I'm not one to tiptoe around someone's feelings to avoid causing a major scene, while a child is dealing with malnourishment and neglect. I was myself a victim of abuse as a child, and no one ever lifted a finger to help me, and I couldn't care less about how upset some dingbat parent who's starving her child will be when CPS comes knocking at the door. Have a talk with her first, but if she's not listening to her pedi, she needs a wake-up call . . .
    First-time mom to Little Manatee (1/7/2010)

    Nursed for 3 1/2 years!



    My little boy is my everything.


  6. #6

    Default Re: I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

    Manatee, your thoughts are EXACTLY what I needed to hear! Everything you said is what I feared. And clearly you are very knowledgeable about iron deficiency.

    My current plan is to wait for a few more people to post their thoughts on the situation, and then I will print the responses and give them to her.

    What do you think? I know I may risk losing her friendship, but I agree, something MUST be done immediately for the sake of that sweet little boy.

    The ladies on this site are so knowledgable and say things so eloquently. That's why I'm thinking of printing their comments.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,631

    Default Re: I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

    I second the previous posts. Babies should not be nursed on a schedule- it's a ticket to a lowered milk supply. Milk supply = demand. If the baby isn't allowed to have enough chances to demand, he won't be able to maintain a good supply.

    Also, when there is a concern about weight gain, you don't want to be concentrating on low-cal solids like fruits and veggies (with the exception of avocado, which is a perfect first food and has tons of fat). You want to give high-cal solids like cheese, meat (great for anemia!), beans, and whole-milk yogurt, and add some olive oil to the low-cal foods. Or, shoot- give the kid formula. It's easier to get the right proportion of fats/proteins/sugars/vitamins/minerals by using formula than it is by giving solids.

    If you print this out, I want to address your friend directly: Mama, I'm concerned. Usually I'm totally reassuring when there's a baby with a low weight percentile, or even one who has fallen off the charts- as long as that baby is being nursed on demand. My biggest concern here is the scheduled feedings. I would immediately boost your nursing frequency to every 2 hours and see if that makes a difference. If that's not something you can or want to do, I recommend seeing a lactation consultant (preferably an IBCLC), or following the pediatrician's advice. And I'm very much NOT pro-formula. But there are situations where it makes sense. Best of luck!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Montreal
    Posts
    2,313

    Default Re: I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    I second the previous posts. Babies should not be nursed on a schedule- it's a ticket to a lowered milk supply. Milk supply = demand. If the baby isn't allowed to have enough chances to demand, he won't be able to maintain a good supply.

    Also, when there is a concern about weight gain, you don't want to be concentrating on low-cal solids like fruits and veggies (with the exception of avocado, which is a perfect first food and has tons of fat). You want to give high-cal solids like cheese, meat (great for anemia!), beans, and whole-milk yogurt, and add some olive oil to the low-cal foods. Or, shoot- give the kid formula. It's easier to get the right proportion of fats/proteins/sugars/vitamins/minerals by using formula than it is by giving solids.

    If you print this out, I want to address your friend directly: Mama, I'm concerned. Usually I'm totally reassuring when there's a baby with a low weight percentile, or even one who has fallen off the charts- as long as that baby is being nursed on demand. My biggest concern here is the scheduled feedings. I would immediately boost your nursing frequency to every 2 hours and see if that makes a difference. If that's not something you can or want to do, I recommend seeing a lactation consultant (preferably an IBCLC), or following the pediatrician's advice. And I'm very much NOT pro-formula. But there are situations where it makes sense. Best of luck!
    I agree whole heartedly with everything that is said here!
    Amanda
    Formerly: baby-blue-eyes

    Canadian Mum to Naomi Born 03/17/08 and has a dairy allergy we are hoping she will outgrow. Nursed for 1 year
    And Gavin Born 01/13/10. 22 months, still nursing and already determined to find every possible way of giving me a heart attack with his dare devilishness

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    463

    Default Re: I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

    I agree wholeheartedly as well. My DS is 10 months old and still nurses at least every 2 hours during the day, 3-4 at night, sometimes more often. And this is in addition to solids, although he usually only nibbles on whatever I'm eating. DS is just above the 5th % and very healthy. But severe anemia and a schedule of nursing only 4 times a day and low-cal solids is a VERY different story!!
    Sharon
    SAHM to my boys:
    Z, my land-lubber born 11/09
    Nursed for 22 months, 18 of those with a tongue and lip tie
    Allergies to peanuts and tree nuts

    E, my water baby born 05/12
    Currently nursing through the aftermath of a tongue and lip tie revision, still trying to work it out

    We , , and !

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    MollyWeasleyIsMyHeroVille
    Posts
    6,863

    Default Re: I'm worried about my friend's baby! What would you do?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    I second the previous posts. Babies should not be nursed on a schedule- it's a ticket to a lowered milk supply. Milk supply = demand. If the baby isn't allowed to have enough chances to demand, he won't be able to maintain a good supply.

    Also, when there is a concern about weight gain, you don't want to be concentrating on low-cal solids like fruits and veggies (with the exception of avocado, which is a perfect first food and has tons of fat). You want to give high-cal solids like cheese, meat (great for anemia!), beans, and whole-milk yogurt, and add some olive oil to the low-cal foods. Or, shoot- give the kid formula. It's easier to get the right proportion of fats/proteins/sugars/vitamins/minerals by using formula than it is by giving solids.

    If you print this out, I want to address your friend directly: Mama, I'm concerned. Usually I'm totally reassuring when there's a baby with a low weight percentile, or even one who has fallen off the charts- as long as that baby is being nursed on demand. My biggest concern here is the scheduled feedings. I would immediately boost your nursing frequency to every 2 hours and see if that makes a difference. If that's not something you can or want to do, I recommend seeing a lactation consultant (preferably an IBCLC), or following the pediatrician's advice. And I'm very much NOT pro-formula. But there are situations where it makes sense. Best of luck!
    As usual couldn't have said it better at all!


    ~Meg~
    Wife to Ray (09/07/07)and Mama to:
    Xander (01/19/07) nursed for 30 months
    Liam (12/12/09) still nursing through the night and in the mornings!
    Sebastian (7/29/12) my newest little nursling who graciously shares his milk with big brother!


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •