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Thread: Will I want to BF my next baby?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    Default Will I want to BF my next baby?

    My first child is 7 1/2 months old and she has had no formula yet. We just started on solids a couple of weeks ago and she's sort of taking to them, but I'm not pushing on that. Anyway, my issue is this. Lately, I have been having thoughts about weaning. My original goal was 6 months but once I got there, I thought, heck this is easy so I will go for a year. But the last several weeks I have had issues with her not letting others put her to bed, etc. becuase she wants to nurse to sleep and I am realizing that I may never be able to get a sitter and have a night out if I continue this way. Anyway, what I really want to do it stick it out for at least a year. I think it's the right thing to do for my baby. Part of me loves nursing...it's just so intimate. I think I can do this for another 5 months for sure, but the thought of starting over again with another baby isn't very appealing. I am wondering, if I continue to breastfeed my baby to a year am I going to ruin it for the next child? Will I not have it in me to do this again? Any moms out there who've BF'd for over a year and then again with a second child?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Will I want to BF my next baby?

    I can't answer that fo ryou, since I have only one lo at this pount but I think the question is kind of like that of labor pain In the midle of havign your first baby woudl you have said "Gee, I can't wait to do this again!!" but after it is all said and done and you have your sweet babe in your arms... it's almost like you forget! I'd bet that after you've weaned, whenever that may be, you'll forget about your trials!
    Mother to Emily June, b. Sept 18, 2005 and Lucy Quinn, b. 1/20/2012

    “Buy the ticket, take the ride."
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Default Re: Will I want to BF my next baby?

    First, I hate to say this, but even formula feeding mom's sometimes are the only ones baby wants at this age...and for many months or years to come sometimes. If baby is really attached to Mommy, baby only wants Mommy, especially at night...when LO is sleepy and fighting it. With time, you can work through it. One of the most important things you can do is to let your dh have plenty of time with the baby...and let them work out what works for the 2 of them to get LO to sleep if LO doesn't need to nurse. It may seem frustrating for dh at first...because LO will probably fall right to sleep if you nurse...so you may need to make an evening shopping trip or something so you're out of the house. I've never thought crying it out was the right thing for us, but I did realize that it's not crying it out if Daddy is cuddling baby and they're working together to figure out how Daddy can comfort baby in his own way.

    Second, I know you're tired and probably aching to go out without a baby glued to you for a little while, but remember, it is soo soo easy to get a breastfed baby to calm down if you do nurse them. It is the best trick mom's have to calm a crying baby or help a crabby baby sleep. And, there's no washing bottles or mixing them or sterilizing them or lugging a 40 lb diaper bag around at all...just you, no matter where you are, you can breastfeed.

    Finally, when you get to the point where you look at other people's tiny babies and want another one of your own, regardless of the strains and pains of pregnancy and birth, then you'll more than likely want to breastfeed again too. There is such a bond formed, that you'll want to share that with your next baby too.

    Relax, take it one day at a time, and know that everything will work out just fine. Remember, it can take up to 18 mos. for your body to fully recover from pregnancy, so part of your feelings right now could be due to the fact that your body isn't actually recovered from birth yet...plus, lack of sleep and added stress......that in itself can make you wonder about breastfeeding another child.

  4. #4
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    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Will I want to BF my next baby?

    I find that even though my dd prefers me to put her to bed, if I am not there, they make do...and usually its not more difficult. My dd really wants me, if I am around...but if I'm not, she can and does adapt, quite well actually. Have you actually tried leaving your lo with someone else and just giving it a try, without you available in the next room? Because if I am available, in the next room, dd won't allow anyone else to put her to bed.

    And you say it has only been the past few weeks...my experience is that babies change so fast that in a few weeks it may have worn off and she may be on to some new challenge! Or maybe not.

    Like the other posters have stated, you will probably not remember the bad times...only the good, after it is all said and done...and you will remember the fantastic bond breastfeeding gave you. Believe me, I was never going to have another baby after the h&ll my baby put us through her first 4 months of colic...and now, even though I remember that it was bad...I have forgotten just how bad. And I am in the process of convincing dh to have another!

    Erin
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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    Default Re: Will I want to BF my next baby?

    Thanks so much for all the support and words of wisdom! I really appreciate it. As for me being in the next room, that's a good point. Most times when my husband tries, I am there. However, last week we left her with a sitter and she went down ok the first time, but she woke up 2 hours later and was SO upset and nothing the sitter would do could calm her down. That time, I wasn't there. But she was fine as soon as I got home. Maybe it's just a matter of time and her getting used to other people sometimes. Thanks!!!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Will I want to BF my next baby?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mommie of 2 View Post
    First, I hate to say this, but even formula feeding mom's sometimes are the only ones baby wants at this age...and for many months or years to come sometimes.
    Yup. My first dd was formula and she would let no one so much as touch her..lol. Attachment can happen with a bottle or the breast - it depends on the mom I think.

    As we sit here and try to conceive again - i think every now and then "Could I do this again?" dd is 1 yr old - and it has been a great year - but bf'ing has been a huge committment - and i wonder could i do it again. But then i look at the health difference between dd#1 and #2 and there is not even a question in my mind - i will bf because it is the best thing to do.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Will I want to BF my next baby?

    Awe I agree with everything here. I was also going to say instead of weaning why don't you try expressing some and maybe having someone else give a bottle everynow and then. I can't pump much, never have been able too, but that would be something I will try for next go around. I think the nursing relationship is one that us as mothers have to make a commitmemtn to in order to stick too it. It is very hard at times. I have just recently started going out later in the day and leaving dd with dh so that I could go by MYSELF somewhere even shopping. THis gives them a chance to bond without me in the next room as well as me a chance to get out ALONE. I think it's starting to hit me too as I NEVER have a free chance, and I don't really want to take the time because I don't want to quit bfing I love it WAYYY too much, but i do sometimes wish I could get out and about. Hang in there we've all had those feelings. As far as her being attached to you, my lo did that too. She goes in spurts almost. Like for a month she'll want no one but me, but then she'll turn around and want no one, not even me except for daddy. That's just how they are!! Hang in there everything will be fine. I also agree that once you have another one, you'll remember how special it was, not so much the time it took. KWIM.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    138

    Default Re: Will I want to BF my next baby?

    I can relate to your post so much - I too wonder this same thing. I was so sad when my dd stopped nursing, but now that she is done, I am so happy to be done with it and be able to leave her with other people. That being said, I'm not sure if being able to leave my dd has anything to do with stopping nursing or not. We stopped because my dd started to refuse, bite, strike constantly if she was given even one bottle, throw fits in public and embarrass me with my shirt up, etc. Right about this time she started to be okay with me leaving her too. So, it could have been that she was naturally gaining more independence from me (hence the multiple strikes, refusals, etc.), or it could be that not nursing made it easier to leave her. Hard to tell because every baby's different and you can't try two different things with the same baby.
    At any rate, the combination of my dd being so high need (colicky, clingy, etc.) for the first part of her life and the "normalcy" I know feel working and having time away from her (and the fact that she does well with me gone) has led me to doubt whether I ever want to go through that again. Maybe I need more distance on the whole experience, but I'd almost be willing to adopt a 1 year old or never have a baby again to avoid reliving the stress of this past year (most of which was caused by my dd's temperment, not breastfeeding, I'm sure). So, I think what you're saying is definitely normal - although my feelings have not disappeared quite as quickly as those of the pps.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    152

    Default Re: Will I want to BF my next baby?

    I breastfed my first for 23 months, 2nd for 18 months (she self-weaned that early) and am still bfing my 3rd at 25 months.

    Were they attached to me? They all were even beyond the bfing stage. We just have a close, special bond which I hope will continue to last. Yes, it made it difficult when I wanted to go out, but I'd pump some bottles and if they were hungry enough, they'd take them (just not from me! LOL).

    My current lo will nurse to sleep with me everynight. But if I'm not here, she manages to fall asleep with the sitter on her own.

    I don't think the attachment is necessarily the bfing. I think it's just that they feel safest and most secure with you. That's a great thing and can make your relationship with them great later on. My 9 year old boy is always telling me things that his friends don't tell their parents. It's great to be in the loop, and I think that started with me being there for him and him feeling safe with me.

    Anyway, don't give up. This can be the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship with your child, plus you're giving your child nutrition that can never come from a bottle, no matter how hard the formula companies strive to copy mother-nature.

    I wouldn't say that you need to nurse for as long as I did. That's a personal choice and one that can never be pushed on you. But nurse for as long as you feel comfortable. And just like labor, you'll soon forget the tough times, love the memories of the good times, and more than likely make the same choice all over again. I did!

  10. #10
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    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Will I want to BF my next baby?

    I BF my first baby for 22 months.

    I am planning to BF this next one -- due in 14 days! -- too. No bottles, just like last time.

    Having seen both bottlefed/FF and exclusively BF babies, I must say I prefer exclusively BF, even though it's a little more complicated getting time away alone from the baby.

    But it can be done, via several ways. I used to nurse and then go do what I needed to do alone and plan to be back in an hour or two. I have horses that require my attention 2x a day, and somehow, I did it, 365 days a year, with a new baby. For going out, we simply took the baby along for the first year. I HATE leaving him with anyone anyway, so that wasn't a big deal to me. But I have heard of parents getting a babysitter and taking the baby and the sitter along so they can go to the movies sans child/ren. The parents attend the movie, and the sitter walks the baby in the mall or whatever. If something crops up the sitter can't deal with or the baby is hungry, they call the parents out of the movie or dinner or whatever.

    I babysit a bottlefed/FF baby, and while his mom can just leave him, she leaves him a lot for "girls nights out" and stuff. There just doesn't seem to be as strong a connection there. He doesn't even fuss when she leaves him anymore. It's almost like he doesn't care.

    Also, bottles are a LOT of work and expense. She's spent a fortune on formula, and when they've lost a bottle or whatever, they've had to buy several. Nipples have to be replaced every so often. She has to wash bottles and prepare formula every day. She has to haul along a big diaper bag everywhere she goes with the baby to hold all the stuff needed for formula. Formula STAINS badly, so the baby clothes are not resaleable.

    It's totally normal to have thoughts of weaning off and on. This week, you may really want to. Next week, you may cry at the thought of your LO stopping. And babies have their own timetables. My mom intended to nurse all of her babies for a year. I stopped on my own at 9 months. My sister at 10. My brother didn't want to stop at a year, but she force-weaned him.

    And it does get easier for someone else to put them to bed. They act differently for other people. My own LO is horrible for me to change his diaper, but the one friend I trust to watch him sometimes says she has no trouble!

    Try to enjoy the time now and not worry about what may come in the future. They grow up so fast. I can hardly believe that a) I have a two year old and b) we're having another one here very, very soon. I SWORE I would never do it again and here we are!
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
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    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

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