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Thread: I think I've made a decision...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    6

    Default I think I've made a decision...

    After trying again today... I think I'm going to pump exclusively and feed that way. I know it's not ideal, but my relationship with her is seriously suffering. While I was very happy with her, ever since I started trying to make the switch I really don't have a good feeling about her. I just get frustrated, and can't wait for her to be done so I can put her down... wheras before I loved holding her, and felt very bonded. Now I'm feeling totally disconnected, and resent it when she wakes up.

    Today I tried again... and then for this last feeding I pumped beforehand, and gave her a bottle. It was nice, when I was done feeding her I held her, and actually enjoyed her, and was happy to start cleaning etc. I feel so much more productive this way, and she seems so much more peaceful. I'm only 21, and I'm staying at my mom's house and not with my bf (I'll be going back there soon, but waiting on our room to be done). Nobody is here all day to help out, and they look at me like *What did you do all day* when I spend all day nursing. I dont want to be tied down to a room nursing all day for a few weeks until it gets better.

    Is this plan ok? Or am I screwing up again?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    651

    Default Re: I think I've made a decision...

    I think it's great that you're willing to pump...bm is the important part...although, would you be willing to call a lactation consultant as a last resort...and if that doesn't work then pump? You could also look up on this sight a LLL leader and ask where the local LLL meeting is...they're free and you'd have a chance to vent to a bunch of moms and get a whole room of help and support. Those first few weeks are so hard...I remember...even if you have a good nurser, I wanted to quit the first two weeks just because I couldn't believe how much he nursed. Pumping is fine, but I've heard your body knows the difference and will stop making milk alot sooner. I don't know if this is true for everyone, but I've heard your supply can dry up before your baby is ready. Whatever you decide, we're all here to support you and encourage you, you're doing a great job!!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    4,894

    Default Re: I think I've made a decision...

    Hayley'sMom,
    I noticed your other post and did not respond because I felt you got the best advice possible, but I think now I can offer a bit of perspective from a Preemie parent standpoint. My daughter was 7 weeks early and spent 4 weeks in the NICU. It took about 2 weeks before they let me put her to the breast (I pumped and they gavage or bottle fed her) and it was a serious struggle from the beginning. Every nurse and Lactation Consultant that I spoke with said that she was just too young yet and they promised me she would get it. They all said be patient, once she is 40 weeks she will be considered full term (for lack of a better word) and she will master the suck, swallow, breath and be strong enough to do it. When she was released from the hospital she was 37 weeks and we took her to the Pediatrician, who was also a Lactation Consultant. At that first visit we set up a nursing appointment for 41 weeks. Her advice was to continue to try (at that point I was attempting the shield) but I shouldn’t worry about it until our appointment at 41 weeks. She reiterated the same things that the nurses and Lactation Consultants said before (she did her residency in the NICU so she was skilled at Preemie care, plus she had her own Preemie that she breastfed). By the time 39 weeks rolled around I was in constant tears. My husband came home from work one day and I was in a pool of tears and told him of my declaration to become an exclusive pumper. I was at my wits end. I had stopped even trying. Then I had my 41 week appointment with the Pediatrician. And guess what? She took to the breast! It was almost immediate. Don’t get me wrong, we still needed a lot of practice, but she finally got it. Something in my little girls head finally clicked and she got it. She was strong enough and “mature” enough to finally get what she needed from the breast and didn’t need the bottle anymore.

    So with this very long winded story I am trying to give you hope. You are not yet at the point where your baby was even supposed to be born. Give her time to finish developing. It’s such hard work being a baby, forget about being a baby that should still be safe and sound inside momma’s belly. I know it’s frustrating, but in the long run having her directly on the breast is better for both of you. Find a Lactation Consultant, talk to a LLL Leader, go back to the hospital. Do whatever you have to do to get the support that you need and deserve. You can do this! Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk. I feel so strongly that you can breastfeed, I would love to be able to help you through this. Stay strong.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    181

    Default Re: I think I've made a decision...

    Oh dear-rather hard to read your post, as it seems like you are really unhappy. I was trying to understand that your daughter was early? Hope that I am right about this. I struggled with my daughter for about a month, and she was full term!!! She was a real cluster feeder, especially at night, and would scream bloody murder if she wasn't nestled on the breast!!!

    However, I also feel that it's more important to have a strong, loving relationship with your daughter, even if it means pumping full time or using formaula. I am sending lots of hugs your way!!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: I think I've made a decision...

    Thanks for the support everyone. I really feel a lot better since deciding to pump. I am going to try her back on the breast when she was supposed to be born. Maybe she'll be stronger then, and by that point I believe I can take her off the formula (she needs to be on it until she's reached at least 6 and a half pounds and the dr agrees to let her come off).

    She is a premie, born at 34 weeks. She's a fighter, but I was really wearing her out. She's actually spent some time awake today!!! She hasn't spent much time awake since I started trying to exclusively bf her.

    Actually she just woke up so I'll respond more in a bit!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    651

    Default Re: I think I've made a decision...

    Hayley's mom,
    Its so wonderful that you're feeling better and getting some good bonding time with dd...keep us posted as she gets closer to her due date and on wether or not she gets it mastered. Hey...I remember you saying in one of your posts that you might bottle feed her first a little to take the edge off then let her finish on the breast...are you still going to try this? Maybe if you did like once or twice a day, then it would keep her practicing so that she might one day just get it! Hugs to you...you're a great mom!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
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    17,425

    Default Re: I think I've made a decision...

    Certainly pumping and feeding her that way can be done. And if you scroll down there's an entire board devoted to it and people here who do it. And we totally support them. But it doubles the amount of time spent feeding. Because you have to get the milk, then feed it to her and then deal w/bottles. Instead of just feeding her. Make sense? Anyone who is questioning your productivity during the day should be told that this is what ALL new nursing mothers do and that you be patted on the back for doing it w/ no support!
    So certainly if you are feeling like your resenting the baby as a result of feeding her than do what you need to to be OK. But as far a time commitments go, you'll be spending more time at if you exclusively pump....

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    176

    Default Re: I think I've made a decision...

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I tried to nurse for months after my small baby (who we had to supplement) became nipple confused. I think it did hurt bonding for me since I got so frustrated every time he didn't nurse. I was working w/ a LC and trying everything, but nothing worked. I exclusively pump now and, while I don't love it, it's not nearly so frustrating. He's 6 months old now and doing very well. Good luck w/ whatever you decide.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    1,967

    Default Re: I think I've made a decision...

    I thought I would throw my 2 cents in. While I have no idea what it is like to have a premie (kudos to you for hanging in this long)- I have experienced the frustration and the resentment that you feel. It is really difficult. I spent many nights crying, sobbing, and convulsing because I was so tired, frustrated, and just sick of nursing. We would nurse around the clock and got off to a rough start as well. I am a little older than 21, but not much so I also thought "Is this all I am going to do for a year?!!" But mostly I was devestated because breastfeeding was very important to me and I didn't know if I was going to be able to stick it out. I was afraid that my frustration would traumatize her forever. But I kept going, mostly because I had no other choice for the time being (couldn't afford formula and no electric pump) and because I had ONE person tell me that it would get better. And it does get better. I really enjoy our nursing relationship so much now, and the bonding you have eventually is priceless. Like I said, I am young, and none of my friends have babies yet, or are even close. But having her, and breastfeeding both, have not made me feel isolated at all. I have a ring sling, so she just goes with me everywhere, and with time I have gotten over fears of nursing when I am out and about. Overall, breastfeeding has not made me feel tied down at all. If you would rather pump, great, but I just wanted you to know that I have had many of the same feelings you are having now, and personally I am so glad that we kept breastfeeding. However, I will say that I did more pumping and bottle feeding in the beginning just to preserve my sanity. Keep up posted on how your little one is growing!

    Misty
    Loving my two sweet girls Audrey (7/18/06) and Annie (6/18/09) Baby #3 due to appear 8/5/10

    Feel free to ask me about my successful HBAC , food allergies, cloth diapers, and the joy of having a high-needs, non-sleeping little dear who has grown into a wonderful preschooler.

    Blogging here.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: I think I've made a decision...

    Today is day 1 and 1/2 that I've been pumping and giving her a bottle. I'm loving it b/c I still feel like I'm doing the right thing for her, and I'm not nearly so stressed. My milk is increasing... interesting how I'm doing it... I'm double pumping, then when milk stops coming, I put it on the let down speed again, then back to the *sucking* speed. When that stops working for the second time, I take one pump off, and massage the breast being pumped. Switch when milk stops flowing... then I just switch a few more times, and then magically I have 2 to 3 ounces of milk! While that all sounds complicated, I feel so much better about it all, and Hayley seems much more at peace. She's eating more like a breast fed baby too. Instead of eating every 4 hours 3 to 4 ounces, she's waking herself up at about every 2 hours and 45 mins or every 3 hours, and eating about 2 to 3 ounces.

    I use a slow flow nipple, and sit her upright to eat (helps with avoiding hiccups), and don't push her to keep eating once she seems done. I like how it's all working out, and I've gotten to hold her a lot!

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