It feels so strange writing that. Almost as strange as the fact that I have not nursed her for 2 1/2 days.
For the past year we have nursed at least twice a day, midday nap and bedtime...occasionally a morning session and when she was sick, no limits at all.
When she was approaching two I was having the back-and-forth with myself...one part saying "it's time" and the other part saying, "STFU."
When she was 2 1/2, we started preparing her for 3 years old being the limit. She turned 3 on August 6th. And I felt that a day of celebration was not a day to create unnecessary stress for my daughter.
Lately I had been thinking that I'd love to do a deep cleanse, a detox to rid my body of some of those environmental toxins that I associate some health issues I've had over the past couple of years. This is something I would not consider while nursing, because I don't want that being dislodged from my body and poured into hers. Also, the nipple pain when I'm ovulating and PMSing...it's just gotten to the point that is was no longer mutually desirable.
But I kept on because I know that this is a very short phase and I'll have plenty of time to get to me.
On Monday (the 9th) we went to her pediatrician for her check-up. I volunteered the fact that Norah was "still" nursing and the doc said, "Norah...it's time to stop nursing" or something like that. The thing was, that while I knew there was no reason for her to stop, I was ready to stop. This is why I chose to bite my tongue, one of the very few times in my life.
So, I went with it. When we got home we told Daddy that the doctor said no more nursing. We talked about it and I offered to rock her to sleep or go straight to bed and she chose to go straight to bed. And she did. And she slept.
And then I felt soooo guilty.
Next day for nap, I gave her the same two choices and she chose to rock this time.
She has not asked to nurse again. She is going down at noon and night and there have been no tears and no talk of it and I'm just.....surprised I guess.
I wanted it to be a stress-free event for her, but this seems too easy.
In 8 days I am leaving her for 3 nights for the first time, so the timing seems to be good...I just can't get over that it was such a non-event for her. I mean, I'm happy...I'm thrilled that she is not stressing about this. I guess it means that she was ready.
But why can't I shake the guilt?? It's crazy.