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Thread: Getting DH "on board"

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    612

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    Here's my position on this. If your DH raises the issue of weaning, he's the one who needs to have substantiation for his position that breastfeeding should stop before your child decides to stop it. YOU don't need to be on the defensive. You're happy breastfeeding, your child is happy breastfeeding. If he wants to interfere in that relationship, he needs to be backed by hard science to support his position that breastfeeding should stop. Since there won't be any kind of evidence, what you're talking about is really his feelings and response to "peer pressure" regarding BFing.

    So, if DH asks when you're going to wean, I'd respond with "why do you want me to wean?" Ultimately, it's going to be an emotional issue (he feels like it interferes with intimacy, doesn't want his child to be clingy, is embarrassed, etc.). But ask him if he has some medical evidence or study that supports his position that your child should be weaned by "x" date. If none, ask him why he feels that it should happen, and go from there to address his feelings.
    First-time mom to Little Manatee (1/7/2010)

    Nursed for 3 1/2 years!



    My little boy is my everything.


  2. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    My DH was very supportive of breastfeeding at the beginning, but in his family, no one had ever BF'd past about six to seven months, so honestly, he was just a little unfamiliar with the concept. He made several remarks about how it would be good to wean Joe so that he could share in feeding him, etc.

    I mostly just ignored these comments or nodded vaguely. Honestly, I never tried to get him on board with arguments or studies. I know my DH too well for that! Bossy arguments only go so far with him.

    BUT ... I know my husband doesn't really love major change. If something is working, he's not going to push to change it. So I knew that quiet persistence would win the day. Nursing Joe makes DH's life easier! So when it comes down to it, he's just not motivated to argue with me. Plus, he sees how much Joe and I love it.

    So I never really argued with him about it, but after a year came and went, I've noticed he never really says anything about weaning anymore.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    69

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    Thank you everyone for your responses! DH has become much more supportive of bfing as time goes on. He also has come to love co-sleeping, which he used to insist was a "bad habit to start". He hasn't brought up the issue of weaning lately, and I think part of the reason is DS has starting eating more solids (although he still nurses every few hours day & night). If the issue comes up again, I will just ask him why he is pushing the issue and hopefully I can find out why he wants to wean. I think a lot of it was he just hasn't really been around babies much and really had no clue about breastfeeding / weaning. I have been educating him a lot, and all the brochures our health region gives out advocates bfing for two years or beyond. I think that helped to open his eyes!
    I my LLL meetings and this forum! Without them I wouldn't have been able to deal with poor latch, mastitis, over supply or thrush. Make a goal and stick with it! After many hurdles, I my baby boy, born all naturally 01/23/2010.

    Birth Weight: 7lbs 15ozs
    6 Weeks: 11lbs 2ozs
    9 Weeks: 14lbs 0oz
    12 Weeks: 15lbs 3ozs
    4 Months: 16lbs 10ozs
    5.5 Months: 19lbs 1oz
    6.5 Months: 20lbs 0oz

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    awe thats good they have good info. LOts of doctors offices here in the states don't do that.

    I found too that as they got older breastfeeding became something that was just between me and toddler.

    Hubby had his way of comforting toddler and I had mine.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    1,805

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    this sounds awful... but i just didn't let it be a discussion. DH was never breastfed as a baby so just didn't know a whole lot about baby stuff in general. I just let him know that i knew what was going on in terms of food, and that i was going to nurse until max was done nursing. He thought it seemed odd, but didn't take long to get on board. Now I get home from work and he says "how many ounces did you pump?" And he asks his other friends (who are all manly cop conservative dudes) if their wives are still nursing and says, "i think he'll be nursing for a long time." And he's PROUD!

    I think if you have issues the best thing you can do is present benefits - ultimately, daddy's going to want what's best for the munchkin, right?
    Julia and Maxwell (and Dan and Haddie)
    Maxwell, born January 3, 2010
    A year on Mama's milk and still loving it

  6. #16
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    174

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    My son's dad was concerned about me breastfeeding our son who is a year old so much too.. etc. So I pulled up the Kellymom website and let him read about solids and weaning.. and he saw for himself the reasons why things are good the way they are. It really helped settle the argument. I pointed out to him that the Kelly mom website is written by a lactation consultant, and that all other resources are pretty much based on babies that are fed formula, and showed him where like 90% of kids are getting formula at a year, and we are in the minority and so have to seek information specific to our minority.
    The fight was over after that. He agreed with me after reading the research.

    Hope it helps : )
    Kristin

    Momma to Benjamin, we recently made it nursing to age 2!!!!

    Benjamin born 9-17-09

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    My husband has asked once or twice how much longer we're planning on nursing, saying, "Well, you've passed your goal of 12 months..." I said yes, but well... our son (14mo) doesn't seem to want to stop and either do I, despite nursing issues we've had recently. I honestly didn't expect to still be nursing this much past 12 months (5-8x/24hrs), but here we are! Besides, there are so many benefits to our son for continuing to nurse a while longer, and I get to continue to eat a lot but be at a good weight for me, which is awesome.

    My mom nursed all three of us back in the 70s-early 80s. My dad was actually really, really supportive of breastfeeding, and his eyes still roll back into his head when he hears people making excuses for not nursing and/or showing their ignorance about the benefits of breastfeeding. That said, I think my mom didn't nurse us in public much past 10-12mo (my brother was weaned by then because my mom got seriously sick, but my sister and I were still nursing). My dad also jokes about how I nursed a long time (until 2 1/2 years, although the last year or so was only once before going to bed), so he still doesn't have a full grasp on the benefits of nursing past 12 months. I had lunch with him a couple of weeks ago, and my son needed his usual few minutes of nursing before eating lunch. I pulled out the nursing cover and started to sit my son on my lap (he almost always nurses sitting facing me). My dad started to ask me if I wanted to go sit in the lobby or something to nurse. I said nope, I'm fine here. So I think even for someone as supportive of nursing as my dad is, especially considering that he's in his 60s, seeing a toddler nurse matter-of-factly in public pushes the envelope a little further for him. However, I see that as an additional reason to nurse a toddler in public - I'm doing what my son needs, and hopefully it'll help normalize toddler nursing.

    As far as solids, offering different solids and not forcing them on him - letting him decide when he's ready to try them - is a good way to go. My son has been very slowly moving towards having more solids - we've come a long way in the last 2-3 months. So it'll come with time. In our local LLL group, they've talked about how some kids seem to have an inborn intuition that they're not ready for some (or all!) solids, and that they wait to have more of them until their systems are ready. So as much as you can, keep offering different foods and let him decide when to start having more of them.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Toronto, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    430

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    I remember one time when DDs father said something about him and i going out for a night when DD would have been around 14 months old. I said I probably wouldnt be able to and his response was that if she was still nursing then it was MY fault and not hers Anyways, were at 22 months now and its never been brought up again. Through the limited time he does spend with us he fully recognizes that this is DDs choice and something SHE enjoys and not something I am pushing on her. I think anything thats out of the norm or something that you've never witnessed or experienced is bound to bring up some ignorant and negative comments based purely on misinformation and being uncomfortable, but in DDs fathers case I think he really does see extended nursing as completely *normal* now which I think is wonderful!
    Last edited by @llli*kalynasmom; October 5th, 2010 at 08:43 AM. Reason: grammatical error
    First time mom to Kalyna born December 14th 2008

    Born: 7lbs 7oz
    Month 1: 8lbs
    Week 5: 8lbs 6oz
    Week 7: 9lbs 5oz
    Week 9: 10lbs 2.6oz
    Week 17: 14lbs 7oz

    Nursing a 3.5 year old!
    Love , and

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    381

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    Very interesting thread! Thanks to all who replied with great ideas and your stories.

    I have been BFing for only 16 weeks. When I first got pregnant my original goal was 6-8 months because I was confused how I would do it while working. But, learning all the health benefits and also with how much we both love it, I now want to go to at least a year and almost surely beyond, even with working full time. However, my DH keeps reminding me about my original 6 month goal. I think he's trying to be a cheerleader, but it comes off like he can't wait for it to end. Yes, sometime I get worried about supply, or thrush, or clogged ducts, or am tired after a night of reverse cycle feeding. Or am sick of pumping sometimes. But that doesn't mean I'm remotely ready to stop! It's funny how protective I feel about the BF relationship. I would imagine it is a bit confusing for our DHs looking at it from the outside in.
    Mom to Taiga born 6/2010

    Pocket cloth diapers. Baby led solids. Full-time working mom. I my DH, DD, kitty Dr. Benway, and my working border collie Odin!
    BF for 1 year and she and I still love it !!!!

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    44

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    As I am still nursing DD2 who is a few days shy of 2.5yrs old - My DH was a little weary of extended nursing after we got past a year mark but as time went on he saw the benefits to DD2 and it just really isn't an issue anymore. As she does get more interested in solids she will gradually nurse less often which might also make DH more comfortable with nursing past the first year. My DD2 did want anything to do with solids until around 9 months but there will be a point where the baby will get more nutrition from solids then BM but I feel that it really varies based on the baby's personality.

    I do feel that it is worth mentioning and maybe a thought for your DH is that BFing is more then just nutrition, it is nurturing. I found BFing invaluable when it came to a young toddler. It is a big confusing world out there to them. There is a lot of changes going on in the world of a baby who is transitioning into a toddler (somewhere in that 14 month to 20 month stage) having the consistency of nursing and your presence is such a calming effect... when my DD2 was having a meltdown, tantrum, bad day, or whatever; nursing was always a great way for calming her down and changing her mood. (I couldn't even count the number of times my DH would hand her over to me during these times and say "she wants you... stick a booby in her!" lol)

    Good luck with everything. Keep up the wonderful job!
    Mommy to DM 6/21/06 and YR 4/9/08 30 months and counting

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