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Thread: Getting DH "on board"

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    69

    Default Getting DH "on board"

    When my DS was about 4 months old, the conversation of how long to breastfeed came up b/w DH and I. He said he assumed I would only bf for 6 to 9 months. This really surprised me! I said, "well do you want to switch to formula then? Because he can't have cow's milk until he's 12 months old!" He said "oh, I guess not...". We've just started introducting solids a few weeks ago, and DS hasn't been really "eager" for solids like he is for the boob (he grabs at my shirt or rubs his face in my boobs when he's hungry or tired, lol). My DH keeps saying I need to offer him more solids so he doesn't want bm so much. I was not impressed. He said, "well how long are you going to bf him for, until he's 18???" I said "no, just until he's 8!!".

    My goal is to go at least over a year (I'm already past 6 months ), and preferably up to 2 years. I think this is a realistic goal, and all the info our health region gives out recommends bfing at least 2 years. I've pointed this out to DH, but he just seems reluctant. Maybe it's a little disturbing to him to see a baby grabbing for my boobs, but I'm not really sure what his issue is. Has anyone else's DH been reluctant for extended bfing? And how did you get past this? I know in the end it is my decision, not his, but we try to make most parenting decisions together and I really want him to be on board with me. Thanks for your input!
    I my LLL meetings and this forum! Without them I wouldn't have been able to deal with poor latch, mastitis, over supply or thrush. Make a goal and stick with it! After many hurdles, I my baby boy, born all naturally 01/23/2010.

    Birth Weight: 7lbs 15ozs
    6 Weeks: 11lbs 2ozs
    9 Weeks: 14lbs 0oz
    12 Weeks: 15lbs 3ozs
    4 Months: 16lbs 10ozs
    5.5 Months: 19lbs 1oz
    6.5 Months: 20lbs 0oz

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Dyess AFB, TX
    Posts
    43

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    My dh was at first. He thought ds would only bf for 6 months. But then 6 months came and went, so he thought I'd just stop at 12 months.....well, that's come and gone too....now ds is almost 19 months, and still going strong....

    Dh is deployed right now, and we were Skyping a video call the other day, and ds yanked up my shirt and latched on. DH had tears in his eyes....Who knew?
    I'm Jerrie Ann....married to Rod (my wonderful Air Force man), and mother to Nora (Dec 30, 1994), Natasha (Feb 11, 1999), and Jack (Jan 12, 2009)....I'm the owner of Jack's Magic Milk Bags!!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    2,627

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    I just give him information about the benefits, say I want to do it because I think it's good for us and he is all for it. She sleeps with us and the other night she latched on and pretty much fell right back to sleep nursing and he said it was so beautiful. I know she's not ready to give it up at 12 mos so I know he won't push for it plus he knows it's important to me and I've worked really hard to get there. Just take it one month at a time and you'll know when you are all ready for it to end.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    1,048

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    i bombarded my dh with info on benefits....i was always emailing him little articles or blurbs about it.....we went till almost four! at every bday dh would comment to me, allright, we're almost done and my response was 'ummmm do you live in our house and see what goes on?' ds never really decreased his nursing...it would have taken active weaning on my part
    there came a time when dh stepped up his distraction skills which was fine...
    im pregnant now, and dh made the comment, 'well, i think three is a good age to wean' when it happens naturally right before their eyes its not such a 'weird' thing
    ~To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world~

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Where they keep it weird
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    1,182

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    I can totally understand you wanting your DH to to support your decision but it is YOUR decision because it's YOUR body. My DS is almost 17 months old and still breastfeeds frequently. My DH has asked me a couple of times when will I start weaning him and I just say I don't know. If your baby isn't ready I say keep on truckin! I hope you both come to an agreement.
    I am Lea (middle name)
    Mama to Dominic born on 3/23/09
    Wife to G 4/27/07
    We're blessed to have been for 3 years and counting! Proud to with our squirmy worm

    "My home is not a place, it is people."
    -Lois McMaster Bujold

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    652

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    I wrote a post very similar to yours when my ds was about 5 or so months. He had said some comments about not bfing too long, how it was yuck, etc. Fast forward to now, ds is 10 1/2 months, and my dh is a huge bf advocate. He has recently said that he would be ok with ds bfing up to 18 months, which is a huge leap for him. I just tried to not be angry or upset when he said ignorant comments and I was always saying how great breastmilk is and how it help calm ds, etc, etc. I guess it just rubs off after a while. Hopefully your dh will change his tune.
    Ds 9/09 nursed for 20 months

    Dd 12/11 nursing a toddler again

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,132

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    I think in your shoes I might stop asking for your DH's input on the subject of nursing past a year. If you keep asking him what he thinks you should do, you may be giving him the impression that he gets to make the decision. It's like wanting pizza for dinner and then asking "Honey, should I make pizza or tacos for dinner tonight?" If he says "tacos" and you not really enthusiastic about making them, then all you did was give him the false impression that he was going to be the one to choose what you had for dinner. If you just said "I'm making pizza for dinner tonight, set out the plates," he might just say "Okay."

    The other tactic to take would be to really delve into the discussion, and ask him why he thinks you should stop nursing at 1, and why you should push solids now. Does he think that nursing will make your child overly dependent on you? Does he think that babies "need" more nutrition than breastmilk can give? Does he feel that your breasts are actually his breasts, and he doesn't want to share them with the baby?
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    2,005

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    I think in your shoes I might stop asking for your DH's input on the subject of nursing past a year. If you keep asking him what he thinks you should do, you may be giving him the impression that he gets to make the decision. It's like wanting pizza for dinner and then asking "Honey, should I make pizza or tacos for dinner tonight?" If he says "tacos" and you not really enthusiastic about making them, then all you did was give him the false impression that he was going to be the one to choose what you had for dinner. If you just said "I'm making pizza for dinner tonight, set out the plates," he might just say "Okay."

    The other tactic to take would be to really delve into the discussion, and ask him why he thinks you should stop nursing at 1, and why you should push solids now. Does he think that nursing will make your child overly dependent on you? Does he think that babies "need" more nutrition than breastmilk can give? Does he feel that your breasts are actually his breasts, and he doesn't want to share them with the baby?


    Do you have a local LLL group or any friends with older nurslings? It may be helpful for your dh to see kids older than a year nursing and to have a conversation with some of the supportive daddies.
    Proud mom of 2 boys, both weaned gradually and with love.


    Find a local LLL leader

    For each and every one of us, the person from whom we can learn the most is our own baby: listen to him. - Mary White, LLL co-founder

    The best-kept secret in child psychology is that children who were never spanked are among the best behaved."
    Murray Straus, Ph.D.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Good ole ATX y'all!
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    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    My DH was wary as well of my "extended" breastfeeding (I loathe to call it that b/c it's really not extended. Research shows that the natural range of weaning age is between 2 and 7 http://whale.to/a/dettwyler.html).

    After 6 months DH was still on board so I kept going, when baby turned one DH saw what a baby he still was, nothing magically happened to make him a grown up at 12 months so he was supportive for us to keep going. When baby turned 18 months he realized that we get tons more peaceful sleep than most parents b/c I nurse and co-sleep and he's not interested in beginning hearing crying at night now. DS is now almost 3 and DH has become an lactivist in his own right. He now supports Evan leading the weaning and also defends us to anyone family, friends and co-workers and can site research.

    This was a gradual process though. Sometimes we had discussions about it but mostly I sent him different articles and research over the months a little at a time and let him digest it on his own and let him observe Evan and he came to it on his own which I think is better. I found myself getting defensive sometimes b/c I knew that I wanted to nurse Evan as long as he wanted but I tried to be patient as possible.
    Jen - mom to 3
    DD who I FF
    I survived 10 painful mastitis infections and managed to nurse DS1 till he was 3 years and 7 months
    and now DS2 4 years now working on gentle weaning and


    "Pride is one of the seven deadly sins; but it can not be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues - faith and hope." Charles Dickens

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Ohio
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    1,106

    Default Re: Getting DH "on board"

    DH was the same way the first time around but after seeing how everything unfolded he is a true supported of self weaning. He even advocates for self weaning. All I did was answer his questions honestly when he would ask about it. I did find that the only times he would ask when I would wean our son was after the MIL came over to visit or called. Now even she is supporting breastfeeding. She actually told me Friday evening that she was telling a pregnant girl at work how great it was for the baby. Wish she would have been that way when our first son was born...heck back then she asked me when I was gonna wean our 3 month old cause he was getting "too big for that"

    When your DH brings up weaning just say something like "our LO will stop when he's ready" or "when we are ready" and then follow up with some good info about the benefits of nursing beyond one year.
    Michelle

    Wife to Donnie , my best friend
    Mom to Trenton 1/9/97, Dillan 11/22/01, Ashton 6/19/09

    All boys, weaned at 15 months, at home with Ashton

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