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Thread: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

  1. #11
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    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    mama. Weaning is hard on mama AND baby. You've done a wonderful thing for your daughter by nursing her as long as you have.

    You said you were feeling awful about your decision, Shelly was trying to help you figure out why you were feeling bad. You've gotten a lot of support here, I don't understand why you'd feel like you needed to delete the post.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  2. #12
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    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*norasmommy View Post
    mama. Weaning is hard on mama AND baby. You've done a wonderful thing for your daughter by nursing her as long as you have.

    You said you were feeling awful about your decision, Shelly was trying to help you figure out why you were feeling bad. You've gotten a lot of support here, I don't understand why you'd feel like you needed to delete the post.


    And just because something is right for me and my family doesn't mean it's right for you and yours. I'm not sure why you would worry about being flamed here for wanting to wean at a year.

    A friend of mine did it by replacing nursing with these smoothies she made with whole milk vanilla yogurt, V8 fusion juice and assorted fruits and veggies. The juice hid the taste of the broccoli and avocado. She replaced one nursing session a week that way and weaned her daughter by 13 months or so.

    I second (or third or whatever) the advice to take it slow. You don't want to throw your body out of whack or cause her to get desperate. Also, I know it would be hard, but it might be better to let Daddy take over nights. I know you have to wake him up - trust me, same thing here - and your baby will cry and it will take longer for her to go back to sleep with him than with nursing. But I think that it will be easier for her to understand not nursing with him since he doesn't nurse her.

    Good luck!
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #13
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    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    Thanks all, I know I am just hypersensitive and emotional right now. I think that if I pump wean that it will make the world of difference. Work has been very stressful lately, and I find that I am getting behind in my work due to having to pump 2x a day at work still. Unfortunately, (or fortunately!) I work with pediatric hospital patients so I can't take my work to the lactation room!
    I agree that if I can get to the point of weaning the pump and then maybe night wean, that I will feel so much better about our bf relationship. I think a lot of my feelings go deeper than just the bf relationship, but also my yearn to have more time with my daughter, and unfortunately quitting my job is not in the cards.
    I again appologize for coming off harsh, that was not my intent. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. You all have been helpful in helping me reevaluate my thoughts and feelings.
    Proud Mama of Madeline Jade 7/31/09 and Sydney Anna 6/04/12. Married to My sweetie since 2000.
    Sydney and like crazy while holding down a busy full time job!

  4. #14
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    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    pump weaning and night weaning can make a world of difference. Many women find that they enjoy nursing much more when one or both of those things happen.
    Jessica

    Moma to DS1-the monkinroanie (3/09) and DS2-the sweet pumpkin (5/12)
    Strong Women- May we have the delight of knowing them, the courage to be them and the privilege of raising them.
    And yes I know my spelling terrible (is that spelled right? )

  5. #15
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    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    I just wanted to send you . Mommyhood is so hard in so many aspects.
    Our blessings from God!
    Kylee was born September, 2006 - 9 lbs. 12 1/2 oz, 21 inches long.
    Kiefer was born January, 2008 - 6 lbs. 14 oz, 19 1/2 inches long.
    He was diagnosed with a severe peanut allergy at 12 1/2 months old. Others later discovered.
    And I am even more blessed by being married to my best friend and the most honorable man I've ever known.

    "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." - Abraham Lincoln

  6. #16
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    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    It was a huge relief for me when I pump weaned. Huge. That should be relatively easy for you to do since you are only pumping twice a day. And if you have a freezer stash you could go ahead and start now if you wanted. Try just pumping once a day- sometime between when your usual pumping sessions would be. Then move it back a bit each day. Once I was down to one session per day I just stopped cold turkey and I was fine. I kept the pump with me just in case for a few days and then dropped it.

    I agree that if you are going to nightwean it might be easier to have your DH go to her at night. That way, from her perspective, the breast is simply not available rather than being denied to her for reasons she can't understand.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  7. #17
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    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*klb1977 View Post
    Although I appreciate the advice given, this is the exact reason I thought twice about posting to this forum. As my daughter's feelings and needs are very "real", so are mine, I just has the ability to think abstractly about situations which I why I have reached out to mothers here. I am a very educated woman, and I know that my child is not actually "addicted" to nursing...I know she needs my help, security, love, comfort, and care. I am not at all playing into the negativity Mamas get who BF toddlers...that is right for a lot of people and done all over the world, so please do not belittle my feelings.
    How am I by discussing language with you belittling your feelings?
    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*klb1977 View Post
    I actually feel worse now from reading that comment, so if that was the goal you were trying to reach, then think of it as a success.
    Why do you feel that way? The part I wrote about language was AN ASIDE. It was a a very small thing. It was about 10% of my post. I am sorry you are feeling defensive about it. Language is important. And people say that about children who are not tiny babies all the time. And plenty of educated women are unaware of the way they play into societies stereotypes. They do it without thinking about it. (Other Examples: "Breast is Best", Breastmilk Reduces risks of......XYZ.")So when I see a breast feeding mother doing it, I think it's important to say something. Because it deserves consideration. I think we as a group need to lead in terms of language around breastfeeding.
    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*klb1977 View Post
    I am not trying to be rude, because the other advice was very right on. ......

    I was just hoping for some understanding and support.
    I feel that we sometimes lose sight of our own feelings. Maybe I will delete this post. I apologize if I have offended anyone, that was not my intent. You are all wonderful Mama's who do what is right for yourself and your baby. I am just tired and alone in this process.
    I am not trying to be rude either. Sometimes support comes in forms other than ME TOO! ME TOO! Please consider that. You have gotten support here. I am happy you and your child have made it this far. I am in support of a gentle loving weaning. I am respectful of your feelings and think they deserve the respect of your full examination. And you are certainly not alone in the process or even in your feelings.

    Way too lazy for formula

  8. #18
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    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*rcsmom View Post
    Momma please don't take Shelly's post the wrong way. She is not trying to be unsupportive. She is just trying to make sure that you have examined your feeling on this subject, are doing what is right for you and your LO and that you are sure of yourself. She is very good at that. Good luck.
    I agree. Shelly used to rub me the wrong way often. I have found that she has helped me to grow. When I was insecure, her posts could hurt, but it wasn't her intent. It was my own insecurity. Shelly has helped me to grow, Thanks Shelly.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*christinao View Post
    . Only YOU know what is right for you and your LO. I think you should try and look at the positives. You have made it 11.5 months! . You are here looking to wean with love! . You obviously know how much your LO needs you. That means you are a kind, considerate mama that is trying to put the needs of your LO first. Focus on these things. Try to be patient. You may find that after you lose a couple of nursing sessions here and there, that that may be just the break you guys needed and may want to continue to BF, if even just at night or in the morning. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
    When I was wanting to wean my little guy, I found that cutting him back helped me significantly and I was able to keep nursing him for at least another 6 months. I am not saying that it will be the case for you, or that you should strive for that. Just wean a little and see.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*klb1977 View Post
    Thanks all, I know I am just hypersensitive and emotional right now. I think that if I pump wean that it will make the world of difference. Work has been very stressful lately, and I find that I am getting behind in my work due to having to pump 2x a day at work still. Unfortunately, (or fortunately!) I work with pediatric hospital patients so I can't take my work to the lactation room!
    I agree that if I can get to the point of weaning the pump and then maybe night wean, that I will feel so much better about our bf relationship. I think a lot of my feelings go deeper than just the bf relationship, but also my yearn to have more time with my daughter, and unfortunately quitting my job is not in the cards.
    I again appologize for coming off harsh, that was not my intent. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. You all have been helpful in helping me reevaluate my thoughts and feelings.
    Your baby is 11.5 months, right? I pump weaned at about 10 or 11 months. At around that time, I had the baby sitters give my LO formula. *GASP* In my opinion, you can cut back now and let your LO have solids and water or milk or, if you have milk stored, let her have that until it runs out. She isn't 10 months, she is almost 12 months and will be ok without bm while you are gone. Pumping was a pain for me. If you think that pump weaning will make the difference for you, go for it!

  9. #19
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    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    If I were you I would def pump wean now. Like pps said this can often make a world of difference in how you feel about nursing. If you pump wean then you can just nurse on demand when you are with your baby and it can reduce a lot of work and stress on you.

    Then reevaluate how things are and how you are feeling after that. Taking it step by step I think can reduce your overwhelming and conflicting feelings surrounding weaning.

    I was wanting to wean a couple of months ago b/c my 2 yo was nursing 12+ times a day and I was totally touched out. After getting some good advice on this forum I decided to day wean him as I felt the night nursings were most important to him. It's worked out pretty well so far. We now nurse at nap and bedtime and anytime in the night that he asks. I feel so much more comfortable with this and can see us continuing for another year or so like this. JM2C
    Jen - mom to 3
    DD who I FF
    I survived 10 painful mastitis infections and managed to nurse DS1 till he was 3 years and 7 months
    and now DS2 4 years now working on gentle weaning and


    "Pride is one of the seven deadly sins; but it can not be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues - faith and hope." Charles Dickens

  10. #20
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    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*klb1977 View Post
    Thanks all, I know I am just hypersensitive and emotional right now. I think that if I pump wean that it will make the world of difference. Work has been very stressful lately, and I find that I am getting behind in my work due to having to pump 2x a day at work still. Unfortunately, (or fortunately!) I work with pediatric hospital patients so I can't take my work to the lactation room!
    I agree that if I can get to the point of weaning the pump and then maybe night wean, that I will feel so much better about our bf relationship. I think a lot of my feelings go deeper than just the bf relationship, but also my yearn to have more time with my daughter, and unfortunately quitting my job is not in the cards.
    I again appologize for coming off harsh, that was not my intent. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. You all have been helpful in helping me reevaluate my thoughts and feelings.
    Keep in mind that, especially now that your daughter is at the year mark, breastfeeding is what you make it. There are no hard fast rules. I hated the pump and my daughter didn't wake at night. I loved nursing her to sleep each night, so that is what kept us going until 18 months, when she weaned on her own. Don't get me wrong, there were many random daytime sessions, but for the most part my daughter needed nursing to sleep. She didn't need the comfort any other time. You can nurse once a day if that is what works for you and your daughter. You don't have to either breastfeed or not breastfeed. Do what works for you.
    If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. - Katharine Hepburn

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