Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25

Thread: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    82

    Default I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    Hi all,
    I know I will get a lot of advice here as I have for the last 11.5 months which has been very helpful. I just have to say, I am done breastfeeding. I feel guilty even saying it here because of all that I read from other posts as it seems like I am the only mother here that is actually looking forward to weaning. I'm sure there will be some bittersweet moments and memories, but I am ready. I have successfully raised a baby on exclusively breastmilk while holding down a busy full time job (pumping anywhere from 3-6x a day) and nursing on demand at home. The kicker is, DD is nowhere near done. Am I a horrible mom?

    DD turns 1 at the end of the month, and I always said I would BF at least a year. We have done it. I now need to know how to lovingly wean her. Her pediatrician said it is ok now to put cow's milk in a sippy cup to have her start to get used to it (she has been eating yogurt and cheese for months so I am not worried about allergies/milk tolerance. It is not replacing breastmilk intake). Well, she HATES it.

    The other problem is that at daycare, she eats solids wonderfully. With me, I struggle to get even a third of what they feed her. She just wants to nurse and does so still on demand even though she is very scheduled at school. She is also still getting up 1-3x per night. I have been trying to nightwean and it is just not working. I can get her to fall asleep 10x in a row by rocking and paci and then as soon as I lay her down, bam, back up crying. If I nurse her she is asleep in 5 minutes. I nurse her down for naps, and I nurse her down at night. She is absolutely 100% addicted to nursing.

    I know I am getting ahead of myself, she is not quite 1 yet. For the record, extended BF is not for me, regardless of how you paint the picture. Call me selfish, but I am tired and I want my body back. I feel like a horrible person for wanting to wean her. She does not have a blanket/lovie...I seem to serve that purpose. I love Madeline more than I ever thought I could love someone which is why I am feeling so guilty over this.

    Sorry for rambling...I am just looking for a little support as I do not have any friends who are mothers, let alone mothers who nurse. Thanks for listening.
    Last edited by @llli*klb1977; July 8th, 2010 at 06:32 PM.
    Proud Mama of Madeline Jade 7/31/09 and Sydney Anna 6/04/12. Married to My sweetie since 2000.
    Sydney and like crazy while holding down a busy full time job!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    4,893

    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    You shouldn't feel horrible at all, extended nursing is not for everyone. But I will caution against forcing her to wean, you certainly don't want to have the opposite affect. First, if you are trying to night wean, is it possible for someone else to go to her when she wakes? Right now, it's too confusing for you to get her and not nurse. She is looking for comfort and nursing is what does it. If someone else can comfort her back to sleep, it might only be a matter of time before she forgets and you can go back to comforting her without it. I would also go a little slower and perhaps stop one nursing session at a time, not try and cut all at once. I have heard that mothers have success with mixing breastmilk with cow's milk to make the transition.

    It is possible to wean her without it causing pain to either of you. It just takes a little bit of time. Be patient.
    If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. - Katharine Hepburn

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Independence, MO (kansas City)
    Posts
    234

    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    I have no advise, but you are not alone. I am at 4.5 months, and I have already put researching weaning on my to do list. I plan on going to a year and that is that. I know that a lot of people on here don't agree with that philosophy, but I understand 100%! I am thinking that I may pump and build up a big freezer stash so that I can maybe use it in a cup and mix in the cows milk in the transition so that she will still get some of the benefits.

    So I just wanted to offer and for making it this far. Good luck in the weaning process. I have only been around FF babies, and I know that weaning from the bottle can be a complete nightmare and even though I am looking forward to the freedom of having my body back, I am not looking forward to the process that will get me there.
    DD born 02/23/10 7lbs 7ozs - 18.5 inches
    1 week 7lbs 2ozs - 20.75 inches (I think the hospital measured wrong)
    2 weeks 7lbs 14ozs - 22.5 inches
    8 weeks 10lbs 14ozs - 23.5 inches
    11 weeks 11lbs 15ozs
    4 months 13lbs 15ozs - 26 inches

    DSS - 50% custody - 04/03/07
    DSS - occasional wknds most holidays and all summer - 11/16/00
    DSD - occasional wknds most holidays and all summer - 06/02/99

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    82

    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    Thanks for the quick responses ladies! I needed that! I am in no way "force" weaning her. I am trying to cut a session here and there, but if she won't have it, then no questions asked, we nurse. DH could get up with her at night, but he doesn't hear her! I could wake him up to go get her I suppose, I just don't know how she'll take it...I suppose we'll find out!

    Also, I am not producing enough BM to mix with the cow's milk. If I were, that would be exactly what I would do. Freezer stash is about to nothing and I am only pumping exactly what she needs for bottles at daycare. Maybe they could start putting a little cow's milk (like a TBSP at a time) in her bottles and slowly increase??? She drinks 3- 4oz bottles of BM a day.

    Well, off to bed before she wakes up! I think this would all be easier if I could be a SAHM but I am unfortunately not that lucky.
    Thanks again!!
    Last edited by @llli*klb1977; July 8th, 2010 at 07:00 PM.
    Proud Mama of Madeline Jade 7/31/09 and Sydney Anna 6/04/12. Married to My sweetie since 2000.
    Sydney and like crazy while holding down a busy full time job!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Landof2toddlers, Oregon
    Posts
    3,113

    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    No need to feel guilty. One year is a lot more than most babies get. In fact, one year is more than DS got. Pregnancy will do that to you. But you have a chance to work on that and make it as easy as possible for both of you. I would suggest focusing first on either pump or night weaning. Which ever you think would have the most impact on your quality of life. I know for me I hate the pump a lot more than I hate rolling over two or three times a night and feeding her (but I cosleep which probably makes a difference). If the pump doesn't make you feel like a jersey cow, but night feeding make you feel like a zombie start there (and the advice above is great). For some women that is enough to make nursing enjoyable. For others they are just done (again no shame there) and you cut out the next worst.

    you have done a great thing for your baby and you have good things for your own health. Give yourself a pat on the back mama
    proud but exhausted working mammy to two high needs babies

    • my surprise baby: the one and only D-Man born 3 weeks late (5/5/08) at 9 lbs 14 oz and 21.5 inches, and
    • the shock H-Girl born about a week late (10/7/09) at 8lbs 15oz and 20.75 inches.


    If I am here I am covered in baby (probably two) and fighting for control of the keyboard.

    Family beds are awesome

    Wondering if you have PPD? Take the screening and see your doctor. You deserve to feel better.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,374

    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*klb1977 View Post
    Hi all,
    The kicker is, DD is nowhere near done. Am I a horrible mom?

    Her pediatrician said it is ok now to put cow's milk in a sippy cup to have her start to get used to it (she has been eating yogurt and cheese for months so I am not worried about allergies/milk tolerance. It is not replacing breastmilk intake). Well, she HATES it.

    If I nurse her she is asleep in 5 minutes. I nurse her down for naps, and I nurse her down at night. She is absolutely 100% addicted to nursing.

    I know I am getting ahead of myself, she is not quite 1 yet. For the record, extended BF is not for me, regardless of how you paint the picture. Call me selfish, but I am tired and I want my body back. I feel like a horrible person for wanting to wean her. She does not have a blanket/lovie...I seem to serve that purpose. I love Madeline more than I ever thought I could love someone which is why I am feeling so guilty over this.
    The bolded parts seem like abivilence to to me....If you KNOW it's the right decision why the guilt? Examine this more closely. The words "AT LEAST" mean the minimum. So while I agree with both the other posters in theory at least, A year IS Better than lots of babies get, I think you should examine your feelings a bit more. I think what you are getting right now has to do with your Mama instincts. Almost a year ago when you held this tiny baby in your arms you thought at a year she'd be grown. And now it's only two weeks away and you realizes that she is STILL A BABY and that nursing is still something she NEEDS. So I imagine trying to balance that with wanting to be "free" will not be easy for you. Nor will the first year molars she is about to cut. And honestly....I felt it was VERY VERY hard to trust solid food to replace this food that I KNEW was perfect. I also think that a child that has never had any "Love transference Objects" (those are things you give your kid to hold onto and "love" in place of YOU) will be hard pressed to get all excited about one now. So take it slow.
    And know that it IS going to be hard for her. Because she still has a real need AND she probably doesn't yet have enough language for communication about it to be clear. It doesn't mean it can't be done with love. Just that it will probably take longer than the next two weeks if you don't want it to be traumatic.

    As a side, I don't think the word "Addicted" is really a fair way to categorize a childs' NEED to nurse. They need their mothers. And they Need the connection that nursing provides. But continuing to ask (Demand) to nurse they are simply communicating with you what they need. Calling it an addiction really plays into and perpetuates our societies twisted view on nursing an older baby as a negative and perverse thing. As as you certainly are aware as you are nursing and 11.5 month old, it's anything but. Consider that when choosing your words.

    Way too lazy for formula

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    82

    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post

    As a side, I don't think the word "Addicted" is really a fair way to categorize a childs' NEED to nurse. They need their mothers. And they Need the connection that nursing provides. But continuing to ask (Demand) to nurse they are simply communicating with you what they need. Calling it an addiction really plays into and perpetuates our societies twisted view on nursing an older baby as a negative and perverse thing. As as you certainly are aware as you are nursing and 11.5 month old, it's anything but. Consider that when choosing your words.
    Although I appreciate the advice given, this is the exact reason I thought twice about posting to this forum. As my daughter's feelings and needs are very "real", so are mine, I just has the ability to think abstractly about situations which I why I have reached out to mothers here. I am a very educated woman, and I know that my child is not actually "addicted" to nursing...I know she needs my help, security, love, comfort, and care. I am not at all playing into the negativity Mamas get who BF toddlers...that is right for a lot of people and done all over the world, so please do not belittle my feelings. I actually feel worse now from reading that comment, so if that was the goal you were trying to reach, then think of it as a success. I am not trying to be rude, because the other advice was very right on. I do need to be patient. I know this will not happen in two weeks. Much to what I thought, we WILL be extended BF

    I was just hoping for some understanding and support. I feel that we sometimes lose sight of our own feelings. Maybe I will delete this post. I apologize if I have offended anyone, that was not my intent. You are all wonderful Mama's who do what is right for yourself and your baby. I am just tired and alone in this process.
    Proud Mama of Madeline Jade 7/31/09 and Sydney Anna 6/04/12. Married to My sweetie since 2000.
    Sydney and like crazy while holding down a busy full time job!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    NW OH
    Posts
    3,473

    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    mama, it sounds like you are doing it the right way-gentle and loving.
    I'm sure there will always be guilt no matter what, mothers guilt is a wicked feeling sometimes!
    Check out Dr Jay Gordons night weaning method. I think it works great for cosleeping families, but it also is a method that you can modify to make it work for your family. We did this with my oldest and modified it and it worked great! If your husband is willing to take over night time parenting for a bit, I think that would help a lot. My husband never woke up,and our son was in the same room! I had to nudge him to get him up
    another night weaning article to check out
    I will say, I remember my oldest going through a big growth spurt at year, so he was nursing like a newborn for a while, but it didn't last too long. Good luck mama.


    I'm Heather, SAHM to Cooper , born 1/2007
    and Bennett, our precious NICU grad born 8/2009
    and wife to Bill since 10/2003!
    We're young, but we know we can do it!
    Life with the Stevens-blog

    I'm an Ergo Baby Carrier affiliate!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    NE PA
    Posts
    1,089

    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*klb1977 View Post
    I was just hoping for some understanding and support. I feel that we sometimes lose sight of our own feelings. Maybe I will delete this post. I apologize if I have offended anyone, that was not my intent. You are all wonderful Mama's who do what is right for yourself and your baby. I am just tired and alone in this process.
    Momma please don't take Shelly's post the wrong way. She is not trying to be unsupportive. She is just trying to make sure that you have examined your feeling on this subject, are doing what is right for you and your LO and that you are sure of yourself. She is very good at that. Good luck.
    Jessica

    Moma to DS1-the monkinroanie (3/09) and DS2-the sweet pumpkin (5/12)
    Strong Women- May we have the delight of knowing them, the courage to be them and the privilege of raising them.
    And yes I know my spelling terrible (is that spelled right? )

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    783

    Default Re: I'm done...there I said it. I feel awful.

    . Only YOU know what is right for you and your LO. I think you should try and look at the positives. You have made it 11.5 months! . You are here looking to wean with love! . You obviously know how much your LO needs you. That means you are a kind, considerate mama that is trying to put the needs of your LO first. . Focus on these things. Try to be patient. You may find that after you lose a couple of nursing sessions here and there, that that may be just the break you guys needed and may want to continue to BF, if even just at night or in the morning. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
    SAHM to all my boys

    Wyatt 2/23/99
    Isaiah 7/11/00
    Hunter 2/9/10- made it through our dairy allergy!
    and loving from afar, my DSS Kaleb 3/30/97

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •