Hello mamas, It's been awhile since I have been on the forums. We started cosleeping when DS was 14 months old. I haven't been obsessing about Lennon's sleep as much, which was one of the main reasons I was on the site, to obsess!!
Cosleeping has been AWESOME!! I look back and can't believe I got up a zillion times a night for so long. However, the last 3-4 nights have been more difficult. He has been waking up around 3 am and it takes FOREVER to get him to go back to sleep! He usually nurses for a few minutes, unlatches, and then goes back to sleeping. THe first or second night this happened I was so asleep (he usually doesnt wake between say 12-5ish so I think this really through me off) It was like a dream. I barely remember it, but when DS woke up and wouldnt go back to sleep I got so upset with him. I was pushing him towards his dad, and telling him to be quiet and go to sleep, and wasn't very nice about it. JR told me the next morning that it had woke him up and he said, alayna calm down, which apparently snapped me out of it, He said I immediately held Lennon to me and put him to sleep. It was like a dream, i remember realizing i was being mean and then realizing how it was pitch black out through the window, when i thought it was morning. It took a little longer then to put DS to sleep because he was pretty awake by then. I felt, and feel, ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE about this!!!!! JR said he could tell I was out of it, and that it's ok, but I still feel really bad about it.
Also, I'm worried I;m to blame for his not sleeping well now. SInce then he wakes around that time and is harder to get to sleep. Last night was the worst, he stayed latched on from 3-5 and would not let me even move to get comfortable without getting upset. I got frustrated again, but this time I was wide awake and handled it much better. I tried telling him to sleep and that numeez (nursing) had to sleep too. It was horrible. when he would unlatch, he would wake and cry as soon as he felt me move. I felt like a prisoner!!
I'm sorry if I'm being so dramatic, but this has got me so worried again. My first thought about his waking was that maybe he is ready for more space. We're pretty crammed in a full sized bed and he kicks his dad a lot. We have been planning on getting a bigger bed. Not only for cosleeping but also so that we can move the bed we have now into DS's room and try putting him to sleep there from now on. This somewhat scares me, however, because I don't want to get up a zillion times a night again!!!
And of course my second, and most worrying thought: I feel horrible about how I responded to DS;s night waking the other night. what if he is anxious about sleeping with me now?
Sorry this is so long. Im a mess!