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Thread: Is he self-weaning?

  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    1,363

    Default Re: Is he self-weaning?

    Sorry to hear it isn't going as planned. Not much else to offer...

    I'm Erica

    Mommy to "C" - currently 3 and half years old
    - nursed for one year

    and mommy to "M" - currently 2 years old
    - nursed for 23 months

    Wife to my handsome DH for 5 and a half years!

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    164

    Default Re: Is he self-weaning?

    Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their advice and support. It definitely made this all easier than trying to go it alone (altho DH has been very supportive too, has also encouraged me to continue offering to DS to bf)...

    This may have all started as a nursing strike but I may have handled it poorly in the early days and now it seems DS is no longer interested at all. Even with skin-to-skin and expressing a little milk so he gets instant gratification hasn't done the trick. And the fact that he doesn't scream about it anymore does make me feel better about this all. At least we're not ending on a sour note now.

    I suppose the main thing that makes me so sad is I didn't know that the last time was THE last time...thinking back, I'm not even sure when it was...I'm betting it was a few sucks at only one side before leaving for daycare, and I'm positive it wasn't a happy experience for either of us. I wish it had been a happier close to our bf relationship

    I guess I'm just surprised at how hard it is to see this end. As I've mentioned before, DS never really nursed for comfort--he really seemed to view it simply as a food source. He never really asked to nurse once he started solids and LOVES to eat almost everything I put in front of him. And while I enjoyed knowing that I was giving my baby boy the best possible nutrition while we were bf'ing, giving him what he was BORN to have, I admit to many times thinking it'd be so much easier when I wouldn't have that tether between us...when I could eat PB&Js again, have a beer whenever I wanted again, and feel OK about going out for longer than a few hours while DS stayed home with DH and not worry about when DS would want to bf again. But now that it seems I don't even have the option to cuddle with him in that way...wow. The flood of emotions is crazy.

    Anyway, I think it's time to wrap up this ridiculously long thread--which again, has been WONDERFUL for me!!!--and say thank you again to you all. I will continue to offer as pump-weaning continues and there's still some supply left. And I'll still feel wonderful about sending whatever bm I do pump to daycare with him for as long as pumping weaning lasts. And OF COURSE if anything changes I will post! But I also think it's time for me to stop fixating on this and move forward with my stubborn, beautiful, loving, strong-willed, adorable, HEALTHY, HAPPY, and sweet little baby boy. This is no longer about ME and what I want, but him and what he needs: a loving, PRESENT, happy mommy who is there for him in whatever way he needs me. I know there will be MANY more examples of how MY plans won't always be the same as his!

    So thank you for listening to all of my rambling and worrying. And thank you again for all the support and guidance from so early on in our bf'ing adventure to what I'm betting is the close of it...I know I couldn't have done it without all of you. This is an amazing place full of amazing women.

    Married to Jake 10/7/06
    1st time mommy to Luke 6/24/09 1 week early but right on time. Was finally able to enjoy after good help from these wonderful ladies.

    Now back to these great forums with the arrival of little girl Meghan 5/6/12 ...2 weeks early, but still right on time. Successfully delivered naturally this time around!

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    miles from nowhere
    Posts
    11,086

    Default Re: Is he self-weaning?



    Many hugs, mama. Weaning is hard. And it's even harder when it's not what you really want to do. But your perspective is a good one- that it is about him and not so much you. You do have every right to mourn your experience and feel bad about it not going the way you expected, with the added bonus that when you need a little pick me up you can just look at your healthy happy little man and know that he is all good and that makes it so much easier.

    Try not to look back and second guess yourself or play the blame game. I know that's easier said than done, believe me, but it's not productive. I don't mean ignore it or anything, but just recognize that maybe you could have done things differently and gotten a different outcome...but maybe not. There's no way to know, so there's no point in dwelling on it.

    Your comment about not knowing when the last nursing was made me tear up. I totally understand that and just wanted to say that even with extended nursing pairs that can happen. My daughter, who weaned right around her 2nd birthday, did it so slowly that I don't know when her last time was. I tried to keep track, but after a month of thinking that every time was the "last time" I sort of stopped paying attention. And then one day I thought about it and realized it had been weeks and I couldn't remember. On the other hand, I have a very vivid memory of my last time nursing with my son and it's not a happy one. He was 9 months old, it was two days before thanksgiving, and I nursed him in the doctor's office right before she came in and told me that I had to wean him immediately. Out of the two I prefer the first way.

    Also recognize that there are hormonal changes that are taking place, though if you are still pumping that will probably help. I had a crazy couple of weeks after weaning my son and it was only looking back that I realized that it was partly the hormones making me nuts.

    Anyway, long ramble, sorry about that. Your post touched me and I felt I could relate. You've done such a wonderful thing for your son by nursing him this long, I hope that THAT is what you remember most when you look back at this time in your life as a mother.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    1,363

    Default Re: Is he self-weaning?

    Thanks for sharing your heart.

    This is almost exactly how my son and daughter were with their personalities.

    They didn't comfort nurse - and as soon as they got the hang of solids, they were hooked!

    I'm glad that you are at peace with how things turned out.

    Weaning definitely is bittersweet.

    Best of luck with this next stage and hang around so that other mommas can benefit from your experience!

    I'm Erica

    Mommy to "C" - currently 3 and half years old
    - nursed for one year

    and mommy to "M" - currently 2 years old
    - nursed for 23 months

    Wife to my handsome DH for 5 and a half years!

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Brussels, Belgium
    Posts
    1,302

    Default Re: Is he self-weaning?

    this has been so hard!
    On YouTube a mother was nursing a 4-yo and in her interview she said they had weaned but she went on tour with her band to Europe, and when she returned her son had an ear infection 'and I had so much milk left' so they gave it a try and it worked How long was her tour that she still had milk? (The unanswered question!)
    My DD is comfort nursing right now and instead of doing the Pantley Gentle Removal Technique described in 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' to end a sucking to sleep association, I'm letting her continue; thanks to your post.
    Katharine
    Be the change you want to see in the world--Mahatma Gandhi
    mid-August DD (2010) & DS (2011 VBAC)
    Ouch! Is it thrush or Raynaud's phenomenon?

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