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Thread: Desperate to wean

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    In Peace

    Default Re: Desperate to wean

    I understand the violated feeling. I weaned my son at 32 months because that is how I felt. I applaud you for nursing as long as you did. I honestly thought I would let him wean himself, but at a certain point, I couldn't do it any longer.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*green.momma View Post
    This really upsets me momma. Smacking a child (even if it's on the hand) who is asking to nurse isn't a good idea. You are the adult in the nursing relationship and if you're not into it anymore then wean her.
    As you said, you have read the books, pick a method and do it.
    I cannot speak for the OP, but I don't think she is doing it to hurt the child, but "protect" herself.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*newmomma View Post
    If you are no longer enjoying your nursing relationship then I think you should wean. If you still enjoy nursing her occasionally, then I think you should limit your nursing times.
    Good Luck.
    It helped me for about 6 months to limit nursing time. After that, I had to wean DS.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*LLLKaren View Post
    LLL's philosophy is that "Ideally the breastfeeding relationship will continue until the baby outgrows the need."

    Notice it doesn't say until the child is tired of it and never asks again. A child may well enjoy nursing long past the time when they need it. And the breastfeeding relationship is a relationship -- it involves two people, and the needs of both should be taken into account.

    Using distraction, time limits, and all those other weaning tools may help you figure out if your daughter does really still have a need for nursing at some times of the day. I found with my son when he was three that many of his nursing sessions were habit, plain and simple. He nursed when I was sitting in a certain place because, well, he always nursed when I sat there. And when we changed our routine, he did just fine without them. It might mean that you can't sit down for a while!

    I've known many moms who said they could never imagine weaning found that once their children got to a certain age, they (the moms) felt done. It's very common. And not at all a sign of being a bad mother. You'll be making many other kinds of sacrifices for your child for years to come.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2008

    Default Re: Desperate to wean

    Just wanted to let you know that I can totally relate to how you're feeling , and I've done the same thing in frustration when I've told DS that there's no milk right now and he just keeps on demanding and grabbing and pulling at my clothes. I hate myself for reacting so badly, but he's the sort of kid that will not take no for answer and I'm tired (he's never STTN either!). He's 3 1/2.

    I don't have any advice other than to keep on trying to set some limits. She won't like it at first and it's really hard if you have a demanding kid, but eventually she'll get it. I've had to leave the room with DS screaming at me when I've asked him to wait a while before he can nurse, and I've gone back in a couple of minutes and he's happily playing with something else and has forgotten all about it.

    My little boy will be 4 in January and he's said he'll stop nursing when he's 4 so I'm going to hold him to it! (I really hope he means it).

  3. #13

    Default Re: Desperate to wean

    I feel the same way. My daughter is 4 and she seems completely uninterested in weaning. She will climb on me, grab at me and latch on uninvited whenever she can. Often my reaction is to want to push her away. I am still nursing my son who is just over a year and I don't feel this way when he nurses. I give limits, (count to ten), I try to redirect. I have offered her a party for when she finally weans. I am at my wits end. My eldest weaned really easily but my youngest daughter is totally different. So no suggestions, but I totally understand.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2006

    Default Re: Desperate to wean

    My DD just turned 4. She nurses in the morning and at night and often when I get home from work (5:00ish). She knows that she cannot nurse in public even though both her little brother s can (DS1 = 2; DS2 = 3 months). She also knows that she is not suppose to nurse when she falls and gets a bumped head, scrapped knee, etc - although I admit I break the rules depending on the accident.

    I am really getting tired of nursing her (in a way). We have talked for months about how she will wean when she starts pre-school in August. However, this makes her sad and she will even look at me with tears in her eyes and tell me she doesn’t want to wean. I try to make it sound fun by talking about extra hugs and getting to do big girl stuff (this doesn’t seem to help). I guess I struggle with stopping nursing her on my terms when she is clearly telling me she still needs it. On the flip side - oh my goodness she is 4 and I’m nursing 3 people.

    So, I stay at the really firm limits stage right now. Good luck!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2008

    Default Re: Desperate to wean

    I have wanted to be done nursing my daughter for the last year. She's now 3 1/2yrs old and I'm thinking about having a weaning party soon for her - letting her set the date, and doing it. She nurses every few days at this point, because I've weaned her down to that. Occassionally she will want to each day, but the ONLY time I will nurse her is in the morning when we wake up. I want to enjoy nursing her, but I just don't. I know she doesn't truly need to nurse anymore, she lives it a lot - she says she likes the taste of my milk and likes the snuggles. But I explain to her that we snuggle lots without nursing too. When she asks to nurse and I just really, really don't want to - like if her little brother has nursed a lot during the night - she will sometimes whine about it but I'll tell her she needs to respect that I said not right now, later, if she wants to be able to nurse later.

    And that's bring me to another point - teaching children about boundaries includes, in my opinion, our bodies. I have talked to my daughter about how each person's body belongs to that person and that person decides who touches them. I tell her she needs to ask before she puts her hand down my shirt, for example, because that is a part of my body. I will also tell her sometimes that she needs to stop hanging on my leg because it's uncomfortable for me, but that I'll give her a hug instead. I will ask my daughter to leave the bathroom sometimes because I want some privacy. She will also ask me to do this and if we're not in a public place, I'll do that. I find that more and more we have discussions about respecting others, and I think that's so important. Given your daughter's age, I think it's totally reasonable for you to talk to her about respecting your body. If you think you will feel ok nursing her once/twice/three times a day - then you could ask her when she likes to nurse the most - when she wakes up/goes to sleep, whatever, and explain that that will be the only time(s) she nurses. If she protests because she likes to nurse, just remind her that she will still get to nurse, at such and such a time. And stick to it. I think you feel the way you do because you feel such a loss of control in this situation. But instead of lashing out by hitting her hands, use your words with her - she's old enough to understand. And you could talk to her about setting a date for a weaning party, if you want to end it. I'm going to plan one with my daughter, and she can choose the food, dessert, and activities. I'm going to make it really fun. I've thought about collecting various pictures of her nursing over the years and giving them to her. And I'll probably get her a little gift and write her a letter/story about our nursing relationship. Because she's pretty sentimental already. She can nurse one last time and then that will be it. Just some ideas. Hope it helps.
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months

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