Re: Desperate to wean
The behavior you describe is absolutely normal. As far as I can tell, kids who nurse into childhood have a deep affection for their moms' breasts. My kid (age 4) has been weaned for over a year now but still likes to rest her head on my "pillows", and often puts a hand in the vicinity when she's cuddling.
It's also totally normal for a kid to not comply with your attempts to limit her. I could write page after page about the battles I have with my 4 year-old over hand washing, and hair washing, and wiping her feet, and not picking her nose, and respecting my privacy in the bathroom, etc.
Does that reassure you? Your kid is okay!
Now, on to you. It's totally okay to feel done with nursing. Many women feel done long before age 4. And if nursing is making you feel so bad that you're resorting to smacking your kid's hand, then I'm thinking it's not something that is good for either one of you at this point. Yeah, your daughter clearly loves nursing, but that enjoyment doesn't seem to be worth the price of if the tension and hurt it's provoking between the two of you. FWIW, I have a brand-new baby and while I don't resent her touch, I do feel somewhat resentful and inappropriately groped when my older daughter gets a little too touchy-feely with my breasts. So you're not alone in feeling "violated" by an older child's touch- though obviously there's a big spectrum out there in how women feel about it.
Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"