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Thread: Depression

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    232

    Unhappy Depression

    Hey girls--I know I can count on you ladies for some advice and support.
    Moderators--if you feel this would be more appropriate in a different area, please feel free to move it!

    Here's the deal...before getting pg for DS 3 years ago I was on Prozac for 3 years for clincial depression. I stopped taking it as soon as I got my BFP and have never been back on any meds. I went through a good case of baby blues w/him, but nothing more. I have started to feel myself coming unhinged for the last couple of weeks--since I returned to work. Today is my worst day yet as I just went to pump and cried the entire time. I just can't stop crying now. While I'm typing this, I have to keep wiping tears to be able to see what I'm typing. I feel like I've got a major case of post-partum kicking up, and with my history, that's not all that surprising. The problem is, I feel like it's worse because I'm BF....am I wrong for this? The guilt of leaving bottles and my baby is almost unbearable. I feel like I want to pick up my personal belongings, walk out of this building and never come back---which would make my DH have a complete heart attack seeing as how me staying home w/the kids isn't going to come close to paying the bills. I have no vacation time available because I just got back from maternity leave, we don't have sick time where I work, and I've exhausted my FMLA....the only possible way to get paid is LTD which I wouldn't qualify for for quite a while.

    What should I do? Unfortunately, I'm an emotional eater, so I keep catching myself eating things that are really bad for me and Ada Grace just to make myself feel better, which doesn't work at all--I end up feeling more guilty for giving her bad stuff through my BM and I've started to gain back the 50 pounds I had lost.

    Any help you guys can offer would be much appreciated!! Thanks!!
    Krista
    Krista
    Wife to Barney
    Mommy to Justin Reed
    Mommy to Ada Grace (7-7-06) 7 lbs 14 oz, 20 lbs 14 oz at 1 year


    Our little Angel, Henry James, grew his wings December 14, 2007

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    1,433

    Default Re: Depression

    <hugs to you>

    I know exactly what you are feeling.. I have been on medication for depression now for over 2 yrs, I would love to get off of it...When I found out I was pregnant the dr said it was alright for me to cont w/med's and after giving birth the same thing...Lately I have been feeling blue again, it seems more on the weekends when dh is home (lol) so I don't know if i have ppd or my med's just isn't working anymore..

    I think that it is great that you are here on the forum wanting to talk to us about this, this is a great way to vent...Don't be to hard on yourself w/having to work, sometimes we just have to do what is needed to take care of our families...I am sure that the other ladies will be great at offering some suggestions as everyone here is very helpful.. Do you have it will you can speak with your dr without having to go in so that he/she can let you know if they need to see you??

    Talking about your feelings is a good way to help with feeling blue, keep us up-to-date about how you are doing!!

    Keep up the good work, you are doing great. I am soo proud of you for being so strong, asking for help..
    Jenn SAHM and carseat to

    DD 5 years old , nursed till just shy of 3 yrs old



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Bryan, Texas
    Posts
    4,260

    Default Re: Depression

    I think right now the best thing that I can offer you is a big (((((HUG))))). I'm so sorry that you are having a tough time going back to work. I have suffered and been clinically treated for depression before, so I know what you are going through. I was terrified when I had Shiloh, so scared that PPD would rear its ugly head.

    I think that you are wonderful for sticking with BFing. You are taking the time out of your stressful and hectic day to pump the best stuff for your sweet baby. I would encourage you to spend all the time that you can with justin. sleep with him (if that's an option) bathe with him, take naps with him....get that time in with him...it will help you remember who you're doing this all for.

    Have you been back to the doctor to discuss treatment/course of action for depression? It'd be a good idea to get a handle on it since you feel it creeping back in. I know how tough it is to try to resist the urge to eat when we are upset, trust me...I do! Try to keep healthy snacks around so that even if you do grab for something, it will be a good something. But don't beat yourself up either. Try to sit near a window and get some sunlight. Our seratonin levels are affected by sunlight/lack thereof. That is why people statistically suffer from depression more in the winter than any other time. Also, try to get outside as much as you can.

    I hope that some of this has helped. I only have a 5 month old, so I'm not too experienced in the BFing category, but someone should be along shortly that might have more suggestions there.

    PM me if you need to talk more privately.

    Leslie
    All over the world there exists in every society a small group of women who feel themselves strongly attracted to giving care to other women during pregnancy and childbirth. Failure to make use of this group of highly motivated people is regrettable and a sin against the principle of subsidiary. ~ Dr. Kloosterman, Chief of OB/GYN, Univ. of Amsterdam, Holland


    **Leslie**

    Mama to:
    Shiloh (5/6/06) Nursed for 13 months and Josephine (7/26/08) Nursed for 23.5 mos Currently nursing my new little firecracker, Finley Catherine, born on the 4th of July!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    131

    Default Re: Depression

    Hi Krista. I hope you know that you are going to get through this. I don't know about meds and BF enough to say anything one way or another. Nor do I know if there is any proven way to get through PPD without medical or professional support. But, I do know you aren't alone, you are going to get through it and in the meantime a lot of things are going to really stink (or whatever word you want to use there).

    I suffered from PPD 11 years ago and took Paxsil and BF and wonder how close I am getting now. For me too, it seems completely connected to being back to work and trying to pump and not feeling good about myself in general and wanting to chuck it and feeling trapped that I can't for financial reasons.

    Also, in my head I know that I cant lose the weight I gained during pregnancy just like that. But, I feel fat, tired, confused and I don't know.. basically like crying. I had lost 35 pounds 2 years ago and kept it off feeling GREAT that I would *never* put that kind of weight back on again. And now I want to eat chocolate all day.

    I can't say I have advice. But, I hear you and I feel for you! Just hang in there today, look for the help you need, today, and try to make little baby step choices to treat yourself well. If you can't be *yourself* because of depression, then maybe a doc or some professional person can help. But, in the meantime, just know that you are loved and are important and you will get through this. Write anytime.

    Jeanne

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    1,168

    Default Re: Depression

    Krista, I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so awful. I'm sure you know how common this is postpartum moms. Since you have a previous history of depression and had success treating it with a medication, and since you seem to be so close to a breaking point right now, I URGE you to immediately call your doctor, explain your symptoms and feelings, and get an appt ASAP to be seen and to discuss your options.

    There are several anti-depressant meds that are compatible with breastfeeding. I am pretty sure that it is better to breastfeed and take an antidepressant than to either stay depressed (that's not good/safe for either you or your kids) or to wean to formula.

    So -- I know how really HARD it is to get things done or follow through on ideas when you feel this low -- go look up your doctor's phone number and give them a call. Okay? Right now!

    Keep us posted; I'll be holding you in the Light, hon.

    --Rebecca

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    232

    Default Re: Depression

    Thank you so much, ladies--for your help.
    I have an appointment at 2:30 this afternoon w/the other doctor in the practice. Mine is out of the office until tomorrow afternoon and I didn't figure I could wait that long. I'm sure I'll get written up for leaving work and not giving 48 hours notice as is required, but take a quick stab at how much I care about that!!!
    Krista
    Wife to Barney
    Mommy to Justin Reed
    Mommy to Ada Grace (7-7-06) 7 lbs 14 oz, 20 lbs 14 oz at 1 year


    Our little Angel, Henry James, grew his wings December 14, 2007

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: Depression

    Hi Krista...I have been watching and responding to your threads about pumping, mastitis, oversupply, being the dairy cow, etc. It really seems like you are struggling right now, physically tired, emotionally drained! I am sorry to hear that, and send you hugs!

    I have struggled with depression/anxiety since dd was born. I felt so guilty that I had to leave her with a sitter when I returned to work. I cried and cried every morning when I left her. I felt like someone else was raising my baby and that she woudl bond with her instead of me (now this seems very irrational, which leads me to believe I was worse off than I thought ). When she was about 4 months old, I finally "caved" and called the doctor, who prescribed Lexapro. It is not recommended to take while breastfeeding, it is an L3 I believe, but it is highly recommended for anxiety. Mostly it is rated that because it can couse somnolence (excessive sleepiness) in the newborn, and since we were past the newborn stage, we decided to take it anyway. I also started counseling.

    I have felt so much better. Almost immediately I started sleeping better. It took a while for me to get back on top of my game but now I feel like I am actually managing my life. There are sometimes when it overcomes me, but in general, things are better.

    Please, please, call you doctor. Even if you don't decide to go the medication route, talking to someone will help. And feel free to pm me if you need to vent...I will always listen (and I am free!).

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    163

    Default Re: Depression

    I just want to tell you that it isn't easy for any woman to leave their baby to work full time. Sometimes that is what we have to do to support our family. Kudos to you for providing the "liquid gold" for your baby. Sitting there pumping does make you think about not being there with your baby, but at least if you can't be there physically, you are taking the time to give your baby the best nutrition possible!

    I have had three friends (make that four) that have gone through serious bouts of depression and most happened a few months after their baby was born. It was very difficult for them to talk about. It is not something you can just "get over" as some people think. I think talking to their doctor and getting on meds helped. The latest one didn't tell me but her spouse did because he was so worried about her. She started some meds given to her by her MD and I can see a total turnaround in her outlook! Another one of those friends told me about a week ago that she knew that she was going to have to stay on the meds because she was just too edgy without out it. She felt herself lashing out at everyone constantly. Her son is 2 1/2. A lot of people are battling the same battle you are.


    I think so much that we all want to be these perfect "super moms" that do everything for our kids and anything less won't do. It is so hard to balance everything and sometimes it is good to cry...let out those feelings....not hold it in. I know that sometimes I have to remind myself "I did my best " We live in this society where now we not only have to be financial coproviders. We are also homemakers for our household at the same time. All I can say is it is really hard!

    With my first two kids I always had to go to work and they never gave me much time to pump. I was young I didnt understand the whole supply and demand thing. My milk quickly dried up. Now I am remarried and lucky enough to stay home this time, still working 4-5 days a month. I wish I could have done more for the first two. Now I feel really stretched having three kids to keep track of.

    The one really helpful thing that a councelor told me when I had some significant depression with my first son over 13 years ago was to make time for walking or exercise. When you exercise your body releases natural endorphins (natural Happy High) that will make you feel better.

    Good luck to you, You are doing everything you can do! You feel guilty for not being with your baby, but you are taking care of your baby the best way you can. Keep it up.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    1,168

    Default Re: Depression

    Quote Originally Posted by justin's mama View Post
    I have an appointment at 2:30 this afternoon w/the other doctor in the practice. Mine is out of the office until tomorrow afternoon and I didn't figure I could wait that long.

    Brava, Krista! WTG on taking that step right away!

    Knowing how to ask for what we need is SUCH a strength. I hope that anyone reading this thread who has been dealing with similar feelings will be inspired to also reach out and get some help now.

    --Rebecca

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    131

    Default Re: Depression

    Good for you Krista, I hope you get the support and advice you need from doc and keep coming back here for the mutual support too! I wanted to second the idea of walking because I think it really helps. I gave up on exercise for a while because I was expecting myself to go out and jog and do Tae Bo and whatever... but when I gave myself permission to just walk a little or lot or fast or slow, I did it and I know it helps. Let us know how things go with Doc, if you feel up to it!

    BTW, your work my WANT you to give 48 hours notice for a doc appointment, but this is an urgent situation, so don't think twice about it. If they question it, your doc can surely let them know it was of medical urgency!

    jeanne

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