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Thread: friend with premature baby

  1. #11
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    Default Re: friend with premature baby

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommy2lilah View Post
    So I just talked to her husband and pumping is going really well. She has quite a bit of milk ready now and they are going to try feeding him today. I'll check with the NICU. She probably won't need my milk, but it would be good to know if she would be able to use it. If they will allow it, perhaps I'll start pumping once a day now and then if they don't need it, I can just donate it to someone else via milkshare.

    They did tell her that she could go 5 hours at night but to pump every 2 to 3 hours otherwise. Should she not take that 5 hour break to sleep?

    I really like the idea about a map of restaurants in the area, hours they are open, gift cards and the like. I think I will send out an email to friends at work to try and organize that.

    I have overwhelmed (or embarrased?) the husband with my offers to clean their house, dishes, laundry etc, so for now we will just bring food and other things and let them tell us if they need anything else.
    They told me to get rest at night too because by the time he came home everything would be different. They told me as long as I was pumping at least 8x during the day, I could sleep at night, then after he came home I would adjust to the new schedule.

    It's probably just a lot for him to process. Once it goes in and gets digested I am sure they will be super appreciative of the offer.
    I'm Hillary
    Wife to Gualberto
    Mom to Nolan
    Born at 32 weeks-3lbs/10oz
    11-25-2007
    Our precious early angel


    Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz
    Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth ~ Albert Einstein
    First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Looking for more information about vaccines?

  2. #12
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    Default Re: friend with premature baby

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*nolies.mama View Post
    It's probably just a lot for him to process. Once it goes in and gets digested I am sure they will be super appreciative of the offer.
    I know. I am sure they don't know which end is up yet. It is hard to know what they will need help with. The wife's mother lives here in town and so she will be doing a lot for them. But she'll probably need a break too.

    I am sure they are getting a ton of support right now, we will just have to be mindful to continue offering help as the weeks turn into months.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #13
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    Default Re: friend with premature baby

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommy2lilah View Post
    I know. I am sure they don't know which end is up yet. It is hard to know what they will need help with. The wife's mother lives here in town and so she will be doing a lot for them. But she'll probably need a break too.

    I am sure they are getting a ton of support right now, we will just have to be mindful to continue offering help as the weeks turn into months.
    You're a good friend mama. I wish you had been my friend when Nolie was born!

    And you know some little things that you could do too...we got these little squares of fabric, maybe 6x6 or something, that we would put in his isolette. We put one in with him and then took one home and slept with it. Then we changed them out each day so not only did I get to smell him all day and when I pumped but he got to smell us too. It was just a little "bonding" experience, so maybe you could get her something like that and suggest it.
    I'm Hillary
    Wife to Gualberto
    Mom to Nolan
    Born at 32 weeks-3lbs/10oz
    11-25-2007
    Our precious early angel


    Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz
    Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth ~ Albert Einstein
    First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Looking for more information about vaccines?

  4. #14
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    Default Re: friend with premature baby

    That's a great idea! I have some fabric at home that I can cut up, wash and then include ideas for. I also have two lovey's that Lilah never liked. I'll give those to them too... they could use them for that as well, if they wanted... good idea!!
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  5. #15
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    Oct 2007
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    Default Re: friend with premature baby

    I was thinking some more about what I woud have liked while my son was in the NICU. After I got my Moby wrap, I saw the insert about how to use it for skin to skin kangaroo care. Of course, this was after my son was home, but I would have loved something like that for use in the hospital for modesty purposes. I had to resort to basically being shirtless with a blanket draped over us, which was uncomfortable. Try asking her if she would like something like that.

    I just thought of something else for the baby. Blankets. Yes, they keep the temp just right for the baby in the isolettes, but they used blankets in my son's hospital to shield light/noise from the baby. I don't know how much baby stuff she has, but suggest taking a blanket in for that purpose.

    Also, as much as you like to be with the baby in the hospital, after the first few days, the visits get a little repetetive. If she has a hobby she can do while she visits, like reading, cross stich, drawing, etc., offer to get her a new book, pattern, pencils, etc. My husband actually brought in his computer to watch movies with headphones.

    I don't know about the 5 hours at night. I was told to not go more than 4 hours at night. I did more often because of other issues I have with supply, and the fact that their schedule guidelines have never been enough for me. If it is enough for her, great. But also remember that right now, her supply is also hormonally driven, and in a few weeks it won't be as easy to get as much milk. I guess just warn her to be on the look out for supply dips, because she doesn't have the luxury of a baby nursing all the time to increase it when needed.
    Last edited by @llli*ladydilee; April 5th, 2010 at 04:26 PM.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: friend with premature baby

    ladydilee - It's like you're reading my mind! I'm going to search for my Moby tonight, wash it and then give it to her along with the instruction book. I asked if they had held him yet and the dad said he didn't know if they were allowed to. They are still nervous and scared of hurting him. They will get there.

    The mom scrap-books. I think I will look around for some stuff and give that to her in a couple weeks with a food run. Right now she would probably think that would be odd.

    I'll print out some info on pumping and stuff for her as well. I don't want to come on too strong and know-it-allish. I'm passionate about breastfeeding and don't want to be too pushy or scary for her.

    Hillary - at work my log in is weird. I pm'ed you back but can't tell if you got it. I'll check at home tonight.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  7. #17
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    Oct 2007
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    Default Re: friend with premature baby

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommy2lilah View Post
    ladydilee - It's like you're reading my mind! I'm going to search for my Moby tonight, wash it and then give it to her along with the instruction book. I asked if they had held him yet and the dad said he didn't know if they were allowed to. They are still nervous and scared of hurting him. They will get there.

    The mom scrap-books. I think I will look around for some stuff and give that to her in a couple weeks with a food run. Right now she would probably think that would be odd.

    I'll print out some info on pumping and stuff for her as well. I don't want to come on too strong and know-it-allish. I'm passionate about breastfeeding and don't want to be too pushy or scary for her.

    Hillary - at work my log in is weird. I pm'ed you back but can't tell if you got it. I'll check at home tonight.
    I guess it is still fresh in my mind because it happened in Novemeber for me. We also had no help at all, so I have thought a lot about what I would have liked to have happen.

    Tell the dad that if the nurses do it, they can do it, at least for basic care. If the nurses pick up the baby, wash the baby, change the baby, then they as the parents can too. And should be encouraged as well. Physical touch is proven to help the baby. I'm not sure if this is their first, but if that is the case, I hope they get over the new baby shock quickly.

    As for the scrapbooking, remind her that a lot of the stuff they use for her son in the hospital are not reusable and will just be chucked once they are finished with it. They offered me his bloodpressure cuff when we left. She may or may not want the stuff, but at least if she knows she can ask for it, she can make the decision.

  8. #18
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    Default Re: friend with premature baby

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*ladydilee View Post

    As for the scrapbooking, remind her that a lot of the stuff they use for her son in the hospital are not reusable and will just be chucked once they are finished with it. They offered me his bloodpressure cuff when we left. She may or may not want the stuff, but at least if she knows she can ask for it, she can make the decision.
    We have all that stuff too. it is CRAZY small...it blows your mind to go back and look at it...especially when they are older...it really reminds you how far they have come. I am really glad we have it.
    I'm Hillary
    Wife to Gualberto
    Mom to Nolan
    Born at 32 weeks-3lbs/10oz
    11-25-2007
    Our precious early angel


    Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz
    Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth ~ Albert Einstein
    First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win ~ Mahatma Gandhi
    Looking for more information about vaccines?

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,081

    Default Re: friend with premature baby

    I agree with saving some of the stuff from the NICU - we got lots of things from Owen's NICU stay and I'm glad we did. Especially the little tiny diaper - it's much smaller than my daughter's baby doll diapers. I put it out at his birthday party, along with the first hat he wore, and seriously our family and friends couldn't believe that he wore a diaper and hat that small.

    Also, you could get her 2 little journal type books. One for her to record things in - milestones, comments from Dr's and nurses, etc. and the other for her to leave by her baby's isolette for the nurses to write things in when she's not there. I wish I had done that, but didn't think about it until after. Also, when Owen was in the NICU the nurses would take pictures when I wasn't there and I'm glad I have some of them now. They wrote cute little things on the back, like he was "saying" something to me. So maybe get her a disposable camera.

    And then I'd just let her know of some places she can go to for support, because talking to people who have been in the experience is so helpful. So maybe give her this site, www.preemie-l.org and www.inspire.com/groups/preemie.
    Mommy to:

    Emmalynn Marie
    Born at 37 weeks on 12/22/06
    5lbs 1oz 19 1/2in

    Owen Charles
    Born at 29 wks 6 days on 01/17/09
    2lbs 14oz 15in
    In NICU for 2 months


  10. #20

    Default Re: friend with premature baby

    Hi, all! All of your suggestions are SO GREAT! My son was born at 28 weeks in December, and just came home 3 1/2 weeks ago, so it is also very fresh in my mind.

    I say GIFT CARDS! Our church and my husband's work organized a bunch of gift cards for us, and oh my goodness they were so helpful. We don't have any other kids, so we were pretty much always away from home at the hospital. It was SO nice to just pull out our stash of gift cards when it was time to eat! It might not be the best food, but the hospital also should have gift cards for their cafeteria. It is usually CHEAP and $20 can go for a week!

    A book my cousin sent us when my son was born was so great. It is called "Preemies: The Essential Guide for Parents of Premature Babies." You can get it on Amazon. It was so so so so helpful to us. We often would read it at his bedside.

    Lastly, I agree with being there for your friends. We also had several friends that just didn't know what we were going through, and kind of drifted. Being a parent of a preemie is SO different from being a parent of a term baby. People often don't really realize that.

    Keep it up! You're a blessing to your friends

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