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Thread: Pressure to wean

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    9

    Default Pressure to wean

    Hi -- I'm 20 weeks pregnant and nursing my 2 1/2 year old son. I've been hoping for child led weaning during this pregnancy, and in reading through some of the earlier threads, have many of the same issues that other mommies have.

    Substitutions just don't work for my son. He has given up nursing except at nap time and at night time. Sometimes he can stir at night and I can sooth him back to sleep (we still cosleep) , but other times he needs to nurse. I'll let him nurse a few minutes and then ask him gently to "open open" and most times he will just let go and sleep.

    I"ve tried the 'nummies are sleeping and we don't nurse until mr. sun comes up' to no avail. It just does not work for us.

    My dh has always pressured me to 'just cut him off', but that goes against every fiber of my being and I need weaning to be gentle and peaceful with no resentment from my son.

    I really don't mind tandem nursing, but my dh is rather disgusted by it. No attempt to talk to him about it will sway his thoughts. And it would be nice for me if dh could put my son to sleep at night when I'm busy with the baby this summer.

    Anyway, I'm pulling out my copy of "How Weaning Happens" to see if I can find any insights I missed before.

    I really thought once my milk was gone (and my son has said there is no more milk), that he would gradually just cut him self off.

    I'm not in a hurry, but would like to take any additional gentle measures over the next two months to softly encourage sleeping without needed to nurse.

    If any of you mothers have gone through a gentle, gradual weaning with a child that cannot be soothed by any other method sometimes, I would be grateful for your input.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    239

    Default Re: Pressure to wean

    I highly recommend the Tandem Nursing Book, I think it is called Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Jennifer Flowers??? and you can get it from your LLL library or order through the website. It is really helpful for all the pregnancy issues and exploring tandem nursing even if you don't really see yourself doing it right now.
    I have never had a problem with my dh but I think a lot more can be accomplished sometimes by being gentle and quiet and letting family members see the beauty of the relationship as it evolves over time. Not to imply that you haven't handled the situation in this way but I know that there have been people in my life that no amount of arguments would have convinced and it just caused stress for me and my nursling.
    There are some threads further down on weaning three year olds and night nursing that might be helpful to you.

    momuvseven

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18

    Default Re: Pressure to wean

    I'm not sure if it is available in LLL group libraries in the US, but it is here in NZ - I would recommend "The No Cry Sleep Solution" or "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley.

    She offers ideas for gently breaking the breast/sleep association, and for continuing co-sleeping but still helping your child learn to get to sleep by themselves and stay asleep. And, as the title suggests, she doesn't go near CIO.

    I mention both books, as they do have similar philosophies. I found the baby one to be helpful when my ds was about 16mths, and then the toddler one when he was 2 1/2 as well, after the disruption of his baby brother arriving.

    "Adventures in Tandem Nursing"
    is also excellent!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    1

    Default Re: Pressure to wean

    I am so glad you wrote. I tried to post a couple of days ago and got back on the post again to find that you are in the almost exact situation as I am, except I am 22 weeks pregnant and my son is 21 months old. Same hubby and all. I tried some of the ideas from the "No Cry Sleep Solution" and they sounded great and I'm sure they worked for someone, but after many attempts on many suggestions I was ready to throw the book across the room. My boy just really likes his num-nums. I hope someone will post actual experience advice for the both of us. I need to know that there is someone who actually went through this and the steps they took to make it happen. Again thank you for the post. It's even comforting to know that their is someone in my boat with me.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    43

    Default Re: Pressure to wean

    What about having some special "big boy" activities that you offer frequently instead of nursing? I would probably be careful to not "pressure" your son to not nurse if he's really intent on nursing, but just say things like "how about we nurse for 10 seconds, and then water the plants/feed the cats/wash and dry some dishes or whatever? So you're not really taking away the nursing as much as substituting some more interesting (hopefully!) activites?

    Brainstorm some special things that you ONLY do when you're trying to distract him from nursing.

    Also, the more things you do that don't remind him of nursing, the easier it will be. For example, try to avoid sitting in a spot that he usually nurses in. Keep him occupied with novel things, like spray bottles, ice cubes, a rock collection, whatever. If he mentions nursing, you can say, ok, let's nurse right after we eat this delicious snack and drink! And then hopefully he forgets. After a few days, maybe you can reintroduce the idea that we only nurse before bed and when the sun comes up (or whatever schedule works for you).

    There are tons of other ideas in Mothering Your Nursing Toddler and How Weaning Happens. Good luck!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    135

    Default Re: Pressure to wean

    Could you negotiate with him that he nurses after waking up, rather than before going to sleep? As you say, with a new baby around, it would be very useful if somebody else could put your toddler to sleep.

    As for your husband's attitude, maybe he finds the idea dusturbing of baby and toddler feeding simultaneously? But of course, they don't have to, they can feed separately!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    113

    Default Re: Pressure to wean

    I tried all those things you mentioned early on in my pg, but Konur was just not ready. Finally when I was about 30 weeks, he was ready to night wean. We talked about the sun asd the moon and about how he would soon not get milk until the sun came up. Then one night my nipples hurt so bad I couldnt take nursing through the night again, I told him they had boo-boos on them and needed a break. He cried a little that night, but nothing like when I tried it before. We cuddlked and it was okay.


    Mayber by beung patient, your ds will cdome around, too.


    I hope dh to keeps his thoughts and comments to himself, your son doesnt need to know how his daddy feels about something he depends on so dearly.
    Lori )O(
    Extended nursing, home birthing, unschooling, Nursing Necklace making, WAHM to Konur 3-11-01 and Mali 6-16-04
    Leave Nursing Necklaces Feedback Here

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