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Thread: How do you deal???

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    47

    Default How do you deal???

    I have a 19mo old that still nurses quite a bit, especially since the new baby was born. My grandma is staying with us and keeps making comments about how she thinks DD is too old. She acknowldegs that its my choice but still thinks I should wean her or that I should have weaned her before the baby was born b/c now its going to be even harder. I dont plan on weaning, but letting her wean. She went to an LLL meeting with me yeaterday and couldnt believe that there were 3 and 4 year olds nursing. She said DD better be weaned by then. I doubt she will and I told her that and she just rolled her eyes.
    Fine I have my opinions and she has hers. I tell everyone she will wean when she is ready. She is a big comfort nurser, so what do you say when they say that there are other ways to comfort her than to nurser her. yes, she gets kisses and stuff all the time but she loves to nurse. I just dont know how to twll them thats the way I comfort her. I think pp think its a lazy way to comfort her.
    I hope this makes sense. Lots of PG hormones still going crazy and being told I am not doing a good job with my toddler does not help!!!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    47

    Default Re: How do you deal???

    Ahhhh my grandma is driving me nuts!!! Every time she calls a friend that she want to see while she is here (she is from Cali) she tells them about how she is all for nursing and went to an LLL meeting with me but she draws the line at the older kids still nursing!!! Ahhh!!!!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Oregon
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    2,931

    Default Re: How do you deal???

    Kudos to you for your determination to continue nursing your daughter into her toddler years. It's what I intend to do as well, since I too want to keep giving my daughter not only the nutritional benefits of breastfeeding, but I think possibly more importantly as she gets older the security, comfort and love nursing provides. It's a beautiful gift!

    I think one of the most effective ways to deal with those who criticize our choice to breastfeed is to educate them. Here are a couple great resources detailing the benefits of nursing a toddler:

    This one Extended Breastfeeding Fact Sheet details the following benefits:

    Nursing toddlers benefit NUTRITIONALLY
    Nursing toddlers are SICK LESS OFTEN
    Nursing toddlers have FEWER ALLERGIES
    Nursing toddlers are SMART
    Nursing toddlers are WELL ADJUSTED SOCIALLY
    Nursing a toddler is NORMAL
    MOTHERS also benefit from nursing past infancy

    And a long list of fantastic resources can be found here:
    Extended Breastfeeding Links

    For specific ideas on how to respond to criticism:
    Handling criticism about breastfeeding

    We have an excellent forum on LLL for Dealing with Criticism, that you might want to check out too.

    Here are some additional resources from LLL that may help you deal with criticism of your breastfeeding and parenting practices:

    FAQ: "How Do I Respond to and Avoid Criticism about Breastfeeding?" Many sample responses to common questions. Choose the ones that work for you!

    Coping with Criticism: Discusses different kinds of responses for different kinds of situations; ignoring, offering information, using humor, empathizing, or agreeing to disagree.

    Hope something in there helps you get through to your grandmother just how important breastfeeding is to both you and your little girl, and hopefully she will begin to understand. It is a wonderful sign that she was willing to go to a LLL meeting with you! That's great! Good luck!

    Mama to Adeline Brett, breastfed for 4.5 years (12/14/05) and little Eliza June, new tiny sprite in my arms and still learning the ropes (7/18/10)

    Family Blog • If I'm here I'm nursing and typing one handed ... forgive the typos!
    And I'm not a newbie at all ... I'm trying to get my old user ID working from back in the day ... paint-the-moon

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    8,018

    Default Re: How do you deal???

    Hi Heather!
    Congratulations on the new baby! Only 1 week old, awwwww.
    Oh, how I remember those post-pregnancy hormones all too well. They transform what is a rationale concern or feeling into a tragedy! I did not tandem, but I was incredibly emotional about “losing my special relationship with DS” for at least a week after giving birth. I could hardly look at my DS without bawling!! So, take a valid feeling, like being worried about our relationship changing, add in hormones, and it can get pretty crazy!
    So, your very valid feeling of sadness about your grandma’s attitude it totally understandable, but know that your hormones are probably making it worse right now.
    You are a wonderful mama for making the effort to tandem nurse. It is ironic and awful that you should be made to feel like you are being a bad mother, when exactly the opposite is true!
    Unfortunately, I think it is all too common for people who support breastfeeding in general to disapprove of toddler nursing. It is purely a cultural anomaly that the U.S. is so backward about extended BFing. Extended BFing is the norm in most of the world, and the benefits of BFing only increase with time.
    Also, I am a complete supporter of comfort nursing. What people don’t understand is that the security of comfort nursing will make your children confident enough to be MORE independent as they grow older.
    Anyway, I don’t know how helpful any of this was, but I just want you to know that I support you 100% and wish you the best with your new baby and your tandeming experience.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    80

    Default Re: How do you deal???

    I think you're doing AWESOME too. I will also have TONS of critisim if I continue nursing past two. My mom is a very big advocate of nursing a baby, however she also thinks it should be done no later than two so she will be on my case BAD!! I will just begin to educate more, however we all know that many ppl still don't get it. SHew I wish we could just let them understand how GREAT it is and how CARING A mother is who can stand up for to everyone for the comfort and health of their baby. WTG momma you're doing great!!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    47

    Default Re: How do you deal???

    Well I kind of pointed out to my mom sucked her thumb for a really long time and that was her way of comforting herself, well Madison's is nursing. She said ok she can see that, but two should be the limit. HAHA wean in 4mo!! She also said its not that big of deal b/c she lives in Cali. and can just pretend Mad is weaned.
    I also talked to DH about extended nursing for the first time. I never really asked his opinion on it. Just made the decision myself! Well he said he isnt crazy about the idea but he also hasnt seen any reasearch about it and that if he saw that he would feel better about it. I am going to have him look through the links latter, so thanks sooo much!!!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    50

    Smile Re: How do you deal???

    Hi there,
    I just wanted to give you a shout out and say "Horay For You!" First of all for responding to your childs needs. Second of all for handling criticism fr a family member which can be a hard thing to deal with and go through. I want to encourage you to keep going. I have felt myself for the past 8 mths that I was going crazy. Or at least everyone around me thought so. I've had comments fr my mom, g-ma, best friend (who isn't close to me as she use to be), step daughters g-ma, etc. Comments like "Are you gonna bf him till school starts?" "Bfing isn't natural and if you continue I'm going to say something about it." "I don't want my children around that!" Is Corey ever going to lead a normal life?" "Bfing after 12 mths is crazy the mother who does that is doing so for herself and a child will never wean himself." I could go on and on. These have been an ongoing occurance in my life fr family and friends. I've learned to tune them out. Also I don't go over to their houses where comments like this will be heard. These words hurt especially coming fr my mom, supposedly best friend and g-ma. Just trust your own mothering instincts. You're doing a great job already listening to them. Keep up the good fight!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    50

    Smile Re: How do you deal???

    I forgot to say my baby is now 20 mths and not 8 mths sorry for the typo

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