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Thread: I've had it!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    Rio Rancho, New Mexico
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    554

    Angry I've had it!

    Am I just completely crazy for not wanting DS to have sweets?! I've told my parents how many times that I don't want them feeding him things like dessert (it's always whipped cream, soft pie, etc.), my mom gets it and doesn't do it anymore as much as she'd like to, but my dad just does not listen! It happened last night and I even got mad at him, I said "Fine I give up is that what you guys want?" and he said "I don't know what you're talking about." He doesn't think it's bad for them to have it, he doesn't think he knows what he's eating, "He's gonna want anything we're eating." His views are pretty much totally opposite of me. Well after getting mad at him last night I thought he'd get the point. Well I guess not, he did it AGAIN tonight! AHH!!!! I'm so upset. It's getting to the point that I don't even want to be around him anymore, or worse leave him alone with him cuz who knows what he'll do while I'm gone! My problem is that DS does not need that stuff, and he's going to want it all the time now! Why give it to him? But I think the worst part is that he doesn't listen to me. So what can I do/tell him to make it stop? I'm not ready to just give up cuz he is my child and I want what's best for him and I think that is what's best for him!
    Megan/Meg
    Married to James 1/3/09
    SAHM to Aiden Joseph 5/31/09
    PG with #2 EDD 10/3/10

  2. #2
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: I've had it!

    Hug - no you're not crazy!

    My older lo really didn't have any candy or much in the way of desserts other than fruit until relatively recently and things like cake are pretty much for things like birthdays or other special events.

    It's hard to do especially with our own parents but I found there are lots of tines when I've had to firmly state that THIS is the way we are doing things with our children and then stand firm.

    For food we said that lo may ONLY eat things that we approve. Non-negotiable.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  3. #3
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    Aug 2009
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    Default Re: I've had it!

    i agree with you on the sweets, for the most part, but i've also realized that i won't be able to completely control what my son eats forever. articles i've read said that if they get it every once in a while at Grandma's, it is no big deal. i still don't like it, and fortunately, my in-laws know better than to fight me on it. if i say no, it's no. for right now. i'm sure it will be different in a couple of years when they can conspire with him to break Mommy's rules.

    as far as your dad not listening to you, have you tried sitting him down and calmly explaining your concerns to him? pointing out that it isn't even about the sweets anymore but how you worry that he doesn't respect "your son, your rules?" how, as a first time mother, you really need your family to support you, not undermine your efforts to raise your child? i would hope that once he realizes just how important this is to you, he will respect it, even if he doesn't understand it or agree. try telling him that. "you don't have to agree with me, but i do need you to respect my wishes when it comes to my child."
    Ham-Holder, SAHM to Elliott, 07/12/2009
    , , , and now cloth diapering
    loving it when baby to me!
    http://mommasdinner.blogspot.com/

  4. #4
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    Default Re: I've had it!

    if they get it every once in a while at Grandma's, it is no big deal
    the key here is every once in a while. If it's happening regularly it is a big deal!!

    don't you live with them??? if not then there is a simple solution - don't hang out there every day. keep your visits short and sweet and make them at your house. they'll have access to less of the stuff they'd knee-jerk give him.

    if you do live with them... avoid them at all costs and get out as soon as you can. they clearly aren't respecting you as a mom but - if you are still living with them it's hard for them to do that as they're still caring for you as their daughter - not as an adult...

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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    Default Re: I've had it!

    No I don't live with them thank God it would be so much worse. I'm going to try the "I know you don't agree with me but I need you to respect my wishes" that is really good, I didn't think of that. I'm not there a lot, but I don't want to completely avoid it either. We go over there maybe twice a week, sometimes three times. I've cut back some of the time I spend there. Things were really getting better, but all of a sudden he's back to doing it again. We'll see what happens.
    Megan/Meg
    Married to James 1/3/09
    SAHM to Aiden Joseph 5/31/09
    PG with #2 EDD 10/3/10

  6. #6
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    Aug 2009
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    FL
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    Default Re: I've had it!

    So sorry your Dad doesn't get it. Mine was the same way with my nieces and nephew...he hasn't started with T yet because we just started solids, but I know it'll happen...especially because DH can get like that too and if he has an accomplice (my father) then it makes it seem like it's okay to go against what I say.... However, I will say that going to granmommy and grandaddy's house is a treat, so I don't have a problem with my Dad spoiling T with some sweets while we're there. And I know from experience that once T is older and he happens to get pukey from the candy and junk food, that my Dad is more than willing to take care of the poor kid...and that includes cleaning the barf off of sheets . I don't know, I might be the minority here, but I think it's good for kids (and granparents) to be spoiled by granmommy's and grandaddy's every once and a while.

    Breastfeeding my 4 year old

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    2,738

    Default Re: I've had it!

    We had this sort of happen when DS was small and we hadn't started many solids and FIL was sneaking him mashed potatoes,etc. We just said it was unexceptable, we wouldn't be going there anymore if it happened again, and that we were the ones to decide what and when things go in our kids mouths. They are your kids, so set the rules now, and it will hopefully be easier when you have the second. Not one person has done a thing to #2. She is lucky cause they already know my grounds. That being said, when my son was older I would let some sweets/treats slide when we were at Grandma's house, I just had to realize that is something that they both enjoy. And it's a treat not everyday life.
    Mama to my Rubies
    C '07
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    And my Christmas Eve baby
    L '12
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    W Apr '11
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  8. #8
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: I've had it!

    My older LO is 3.5 yo and I'm okay with him getting treats at grandparent's or aunt's houses.

    But the original poster has a 8 month old! IMO WAY too young for candy / sweets!

    In addition to establishing that YOU are the PARENT and that YOU get to make the rules, sometimes it can help to ALSO say things like:

    "you may not have realized it but the current recommendations say .... "

    or

    "our pediatrician says ..."

    That way it's not your parenting experience vs. theirs but what the current experts say.

    Our pediatrician is great - he's said that any time we want we can "blame him" by using the "our pediatrician says ..." line.

    HTH
    Last edited by @llli*lsksam; February 1st, 2010 at 10:15 AM.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,564

    Default Re: I've had it!

    Sorry you're going through this. If you saw them three or four times a year, and your baby was older (as in - NOT A BABY), I wouldn't be too concerned about it. But you see them two or three times a week. In my opinion, someone you see that often must behave more like a parent. I have one very obese nephew and one soon to be very obese nephew that get coke and candy and all kinds of dessert a few times a week at their grandparents house.

    I have a sugar addiction and do not intend to pass that on to my child, if I can help it. If she gets a sweets overload a few times a year, I won't like it but I won't make a big deal about it.

    It seems like you have had a pretty hard time in general with your parents and food for your DS. I wouldn't let them feed him AT ALL anymore. Right now it's sweets. In a few years it could be that they encourage him talking back to you, or you'll hear things like "Well, I know Mom said that it's not OK, but Grandpa says that it is"

    I hear this all the time when I'm at my in-laws in regards to my nephews. I know that I am coming on really strong here, but this is an issue that really chaps my hide. I would be FURIOUS if anyone gave my 15 month old whipped cream. FURIOUS. I have a hard enough time getting her to sleep without her getting all sugared up.

    Sorry, I went way off the tracks here. I hope you can work this out with your parents. And I think what Lynn said about the pediatrician is great. I use it all the time with people that question my parenting.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    Rio Rancho, New Mexico
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    Default Re: I've had it!

    Yeah I really have a hard time with the whole solids things. They were the ones who made me feel pressured and I gave into pureed partly because of them. I wanted to BLS. I was complaining to my mom about it yesterday and mentioned that I gave into purees but that's still not good enough (because he has to give DS sweets, etc.) and I mentioned that I had wanted to to BLS so she started on the whole "well I don't see how a baby can go from breastfeeding to" and I cut her off and said nevermind because I was in no mood to go there again and she was going to keep on so I just sternly said nevermind and she says "well you're the one who reads all the books so I guess you'd have to ask the ped about it." In my head I was like wth?! She knows I'm the one who reads so why does she always disagree?! The reason I'm complaining about it so much right now are for your same reasons: mommy2lilah. Plus, with #2 on the way I'm even more worried. DH is planning on joining the military, and we are hoping that will take us away from here so we can be independent for once and raise our child the way we want. I'm just tired of all their pressure and them not giving me the freedom to do things the way I want to. It's totally different than what they did with me and my bro, so I could understand being curious about how I want to do things, but they think their way is the only way. Maybe I'll cut it down to once a week, GP never gets to hold him while we're eating. Maybe I'll have to start treating him like a child since he can't be an adult and listen to the way I want to raise my child. I feel like he still treats me like a child since he doesn't listen. But again, mommy2lilah, I LOVE sweets, and I'm addicted to them as well, so I'm trying my hardest not to let DS get like that.
    Megan/Meg
    Married to James 1/3/09
    SAHM to Aiden Joseph 5/31/09
    PG with #2 EDD 10/3/10

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