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Thread: Pushy MIL

  1. #11
    @llli*emama is offline Shares Widely And Frequently
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    444

    Default Re: Pushy MIL

    I found that when someone says something ridiculous to me about the way I'm raising my daughter, the best and most infuriating response (for them) is if I just look at them blankly. I just stare at them blinking for a few seconds and then get on with whatever I'm doing. It looks like I'm listening but am maybe absent-minded. No matter how much they may try to bait me, or at least engage with me, I just don't let them. It's a teflon reaction and it seems to work.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    The Yellow House
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    697

    Default Re: Pushy MIL

    I don't have anything to offer that hasn't been already, but . My MIL lives 3000 miles away and she is constantly under my skin about such things, so I know your situation must be like a million times more frustrating .

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    326

    Default Re: Pushy MIL

    Thank you LLLadies for all the support and words of encouragement. As for my DH he works very long hours and is often gone before we wake up and doesn't get home until its time for bed. When he is home, the anti BF comments never come up. In other situations where she is "picking" on me if he is aware of it he definately sticks up for me, unfortunately she doesn't listen to him either. Like I said she is very opinonated. As for taking the spoon away, I've definately been trying that. I can tell she is angry with me over it, but I don't care. As soon as I get some more ink for my printer I'm going to print out some things for her to read that back me up. A couple of weeks ago my DH was working and DS had a well baby visit so MIL went with us to the doctor. Unfortunately the nurse said some incredibly stupid things, like baby needs cereal for iron, and here's this handy chart of all the things baby should be eating in a day. Urgh! Here's to hoping we get our own place soon!
    Hi, I'm Faith, a Wife, Mom, Stepmom and SAHM
    I married my best friend Rodney on October 17, 2009
    DS1 Andy Born May 11, 2002
    DS2 Ethan Born May 18, 2009 Nursed 2 years 7 months & 2 days
    DSS1 Benjamin Born September 24, 1989

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Not around here as much :(
    Posts
    12,132

    Default Re: Pushy MIL

    Thing is - though you're in their home (which hopefully will change soon ??) you do need to be respectful but so does she.

    She can say whatever she wants - she can think whatever she wants. The onus is on you to ignore it. The more you ignore it the better off you are. Certainly leave some printed material lying around - even see if you can get a friend to loan you a few choice copies of New Beginnings ( LLL's publication) because the thing about this situation is you're looking to change her mind and it's probably not going to happen. THe goal really should be to help her see you're not in any way harming your child NOR are you demeaning the way she raised her kids. Thats really what it comes down to for most MIL's/Moms etc. They feel like you're saying youre doing 'the best for your child' then what does that mean THEY did?

    Try to be as sweet as you can - get out of the house more - and have a long talk with your DH about how his mother is making you feel. He needs to maybe take her aside and say "my wife is doing what we've agreed is best for our child. we'd BOTH appreciate it if you could be respectful of that and lay off"

    Last edited by @llli*number4; January 23rd, 2010 at 11:34 PM. Reason: fixing MAD typos LOL
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  5. #15

    Default Re: Pushy MIL

    Just here to with previous posters....and add a bit to an idea that someone touched on. (Oh, and I *love* the blank look, blink, blink idea!)

    I think that many women of our mother's generation feel a bit insecure-- I think for most it's deep inside, but with all the press about how important breastfeeding is, I think subconciously many of these women wonder if they were a "good enough" parent, since they fed formula. Most of the time it's not a big deal until someone close to them (like a dd or dil) is breastfeeding.

    I got some of this with my mil, who lived with us. She had four children, all formula-fed. One day after a nasty comment, I calmly explained that this is how we chose to feed our daughter. I then complimented her on her mothering skills-- after all, she raised the man that I thought was wonderful enough to marry! I extolled his virtues as a husband and father and linked it all back to her parenting. I never heard any more comments about breastfeeding.

    I also got questions (but no nasty comments) from my own mother, who did manage to breastfeed me for two months at a time when breastfeeding just wasn't done ("you were always hungry; I didn't have enough milk"). I probed a bit and discovered that she was faithfully following the 4-hour feeding schedule from the doctor. (Yes, some women can breastfeed successfully on a 4-hour schedule, but most womens' and babies' bodies don't work that way). My mom was worried that my dd wasn't getting enough to eat. I said, "Mom, she's gaining two pounds a month! How much more do you think she needs?" I reminded my mom that she did the best she could with the information and support she had at the time (poor info and no support), and thanked her for the effort she did make to breastfeed me. A few months later she commented on how bright and healthy her granddaughter was.

    I think a comment from your dh to his mom about her treatment of you is a good idea. It might also help to see if you can discern *why* she's making these comments, and address the underlying issue. Beyond that, it's certainly reasonable for you to tell her that she had her time to raise her children, and now it's your time. You make the decisions and that's that. Good luck!

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