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Thread: Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

  1. #1

    Default Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

    Hi all,

    I'm a newbie here, though I have checked LLLI many times. I have a 2.5 y.o. beautiful son, Liam, and planned to BF him till he was 1. I went back to work when he was 3 mos old, while his dad stayed home to take care of him (not my choice). I pumped 3x per day at work until he was 12 mos old, when I changed careers and we moved to northern CO. Liam and I simply continued nursing.. and when he was 18 mos, his dad (a very controlling person) "told" me I had to stop nursing Liam, that I was only doing it to "keep Liam a baby".... he said it was holding Liam back. Long story short, I started weaning Liam, but he still really wanted to nurse. The relationship of his dad and I started to really go downhill, and Liam wanted to nurse even more (I assume for the comfort of it, because things were so tense in the house). We started nursing in his closet so his dad wouldn't find out. His dad left me this past summer in part due to Liam still nursing, and has publicly (in court) stated that I am "psychologically damaging" Liam (not), and has asked me if I "get off" when nursing him.

    I am simply looking for the support of other mothers who are nursing their children past what America seems to think is an "appropriate" age! I have no problem nursing Liam, though I definitely do think twice when it comes to doing it in public, & wish I didn't feel that way.

    Thoughts?

    Hekelamac

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,467

    Default Re: Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

    I nurse my 2 year old as well although my DH is supportive (due in part to him getting out of child care duties ) my extended family is occasionally ignorant on the subject.

    Have you check out past threads in the Lactivism" portion? There may be some support and info for you reqarding your lame XH!

    Keep it up mama!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    524

    Default Re: Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

    I don't have the same issue as you, but I wanted to say that i'm sorry your XH doesn't get it. You are doing something that is SO very good for BOTH you and your son. Good for you for being so strong!!

    Breastfeeding my 4 year old

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    miles from nowhere
    Posts
    11,108

    Default Re: Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

    to you. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that kind of nastiness. I don't have any advice, but I wanted to chime in and say that I think that you are doing a wonderful thing for your son by continuing to nurse him. Please don't let anyone else make you feel otherwise. You'll find lots of mothers here that are still nursing their older toddlers.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    out of my right mind
    Posts
    2,631

    Default Re: Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

    Yep, I'm nursing a 3 y/o here. So sorry you are having to deal with this. I also plan on doing CLW (child-led weaning). To think that a mom "gets off" on nursing their child is insane. He's obviously never dealt with nursing a fidgety, twiddly, chewing toddler. Sounds like a real peach to me. Welcome (officially) to LLLi!

  6. #6

    Default Re: Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

    Thank you for the support, ladies! I know continuing to nurse my son is the best thing for us.. and have NO plans to cease until Liam is ready. And yes, my ex is a "mean" man (understatement). Currently, we are going through a very rough custody "thing", and have a CFI (Child-Family Investigator) investigating us (at my request). This person met my ex first, and thankfully gathered immediately that he is one disturbed person who lives in his own reality.

    I will definitely look up "Lactivism" and see what I find!

  7. #7

    Default Re: Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

    My son will be three and a half last month, and is still nursing occasionally. You aren't doing anything wrong - there's no chance that I could have weaned him a year ago without it being incredibly difficult on both of us. Unfortunately, society (at least the society I'm around most of the time) really does frown on extended nursing. My husband wasn't discouraging, but I'm sure that he would have been thrilled if Sam had weaned earlier. My family was horrified that I continued to nurse him. And I heard a lot about keeping him a baby, and holding him back, not letting him be independent. Which was so obviously not what was going on, I would have been thrilled if he weaned at any point after a year.

    One thing I've learned, thru the past three and half years of nursing, is that it's really nobody's business except for yours and your child. Nobody else has any idea what that relationship is like, what it's like to be the mother, who can so easily provide what her child is looking for, what it's like for the child, to not understand that other people think it's wrong or that he should be done with that by now. There's NOTHING wrong with extended nursing, and there's so much that's right about it that I mostly just felt sorry for anyone who didn't understand that.

    Extended nursing, more than anything else so far, has made me a much stronger mother - much more confident about my ability to make the right decision, to not rely on anyone else's opinion on what's right for my child. And even though we're mostly done - I'm incredibly proud of nursing for as long as I did. You should be proud too - this is HARD. And you've persevered thru a lot more than most moms would have. Hold your head up high, and know that you are doing what's right for your son - and if anyone else questions it - it's just a sign of their own ignorance.
    Melissa
    Mom to Jessica (2/7/03) breastfed for 8 months
    Sam (7/6/06) breastfed for three years, five months, two weeks and three days (not that I was counting or anything :-)
    Julianna (4/29/10) struggled thru nursing strike, nipple confusion, thrush, multiple cracks and fissures, a staph infection and then another bout of thrush, but happily nursing away
    www.cohenfamily-melissa.blogspot.com

  8. #8

    Default Re: Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

    Welcome, to LLL, to the world of toddler nursing and to the new life that will be yours as you find your way in life without the pain of a dysfunctional relationship.

    My son is bit over 2 1/2 and still nurses quite a bit. I had actually believed, before he was born, that I would begin to feel uncomfortable nursing after about age 2. I couldn't really have said why, but that was what I thought at the time. Now I laugh to think that I was so unaware of the nature of a nursing relationship -- that it is a RELATIONSHIP, with two individuals involved, two sets of needs and desires and a constant evolution.

    I'm so glad you have found the strength and courage to do what you feel is best for your child, as well as for yourself. May your future be full of joy and liberation!
    Mama to Lorenzo, born 4/25/2007. NICU graduate, Gastro-Esohapgeal Reflux, Obstructive Sleep Apnea, Sensory Processing Disorder...alive and thriving thanks to breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

    Those who say it can't be done should not interrupt the person doing it.
    Chinese Proverb

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    19

    Default Re: Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

    Sorry for your ex's crappy attitude. You aren't doing anything wrong, in fact, you are giving your child the wonderful gift of good health! I am still nursing my 2 year old son too, and his Dad has made a few sideways comments that get on my nerves a little but he knows not to push me on the issue either. For the most part he is okay with it, thank goodness.
    Your ex's atitude makes me more sad than angry. People always fear what they don't understand, and sometimes that unfortunately comes out as an ugly attitude toward something that is very natural and by no means a threat to anyone.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Good ole ATX y'all!
    Posts
    1,789

    Default Re: Nursing my 2.5 y.o. son

    Welcome!

    Sorry you are having to deal with such negative views on your nursing toddler.

    I am currently nursing my 2 yo son and nursed my first son till he was over 3 and a half years old. You are doing the best and greatest thing for your LO.

    If I were you I would print out and highlight the info that sixyearplan linked you -- that is the AAP's findings on extended nursing not being harmful psychologically -- and submit it to your attorney and your CFI. I'm sure that actual researched and scientific facts will be more effective than your XH's crazy opinions!
    Jen - mom to 3
    DD who I FF
    I survived 10 painful mastitis infections and managed to nurse DS1 till he was 3 years and 7 months
    and now DS2 4 years now working on gentle weaning and


    "Pride is one of the seven deadly sins; but it can not be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues - faith and hope." Charles Dickens

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