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Thread: Losing the bond

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    6,745

    Default Re: Losing the bond

    Beautifully written, TFS.
    “Only with trust, faith, and support can the woman allow the birth experience to enlighten and empower her.” - Annie Kennedy & Penny Simkin

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    1,107

    Default Re: Losing the bond

    Paige, I know you are an amazing mama. I cannot imagine going through what you have been through with D. You are doing a wonderful job.
    Robin

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,738

    Default Re: Losing the bond

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*pigpen777 View Post
    i didn't expect this post to make me cry, but it did. D needs you paige, you are his mommy. nothing ever takes the place of mom, whether you are bf or ff.
    Mama to my Rubies
    C '07
    A '09
    And my Christmas Eve baby
    L '12
    I will carry you all my life
    And I will praise the one who's chosen me to carry you
    W Apr '11
    R Nov '11
    The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart. *Helen Kellar*

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    miles from nowhere
    Posts
    11,107

    Default Re: Losing the bond

    Well I just wanted to bump this because it's been a year since I stopped nursing D and I never did come back and update it like I said I would. It makes me all teary to read it again and remember how hard it was, but I can remember other things now like how grateful I really was that he never rejected the bottle or the formula and how I could still cuddle him to me while I fed him and he still looked pretty sweet looking up at me even if I had to move the bottle out of the way to look him in the eye.

    Of course we have regained our bond by now, or maybe we never really lost it to begin with and it was more my reaction to the situation that made me feel like some connection had been severed by circumstances beyond my control. I hope and actually kind of believe that Davis never felt the bond waver no matter how I was feeling at the time.

    But back to the present. I have a crazy almost 2 year old. He's not perfect, we still have problems, he still needs us to be on top of his health all.the.time. but looking back on how he used to be compared to how he is today it's like a totally different child. It's certainly a totally different situation for us as his parents to no longer be in constant emergency mode. To no longer be constantly worried about what is going to happen, constantly googling to see if I can find something the doctors are missing, constantly wondering what is really wrong with my baby. Now we can actually focus on the normal toddler issues, like hitting and potty training and getting along with his sister. Speaking of his sister, he's very different from her and of course I will always wonder how much of it is because of the things that happened in the first year (and more) of his life, including being weaned early. He's just as likely to go to daddy when he's tired, hurt, or upset as he is to come to me and while I get a pang about that on occasion, I try to remind myself that he was never quite as desperately attached to me as she was. It could just be his personality or the fact that he's the second child. It might have nothing to do with the fact that I cut him off.

    As for bottle feeding getting easier, you know what? It never did. I still get up in the middle of the night and fix bottles and it still sucks. I still have to get up at god o clock in the morning and walk around with my sick or teething child and I still sometimes think about how much easier it would be to just pop a boob in his mouth and go back to sleep. On the plus side I've learned some new tricks so I can think about those things and not panic trying to figure out what I can do to calm him that doesn't involve my boobs. And finally, I still frequently get to where I'm going and find that I've forgotten something, either the formula, the bottle, the water, or whatever. Fortunately bottle feeding a toddler is similar to nursing a toddler in that you can distract them or talk them into waiting until a better time. It's also similar in that people look at you like you're crazy when you do it in public, but whatever. Pass the bean dip, how about the weather, well if you really want to know I'll tell you the whole sad story but don't mind me if I start to tear up while I do it.

    So there you go, a sort-of-happy update. It can be done and this too shall pass and all of that positive stuff.
    Last edited by @llli*norasmommy; November 26th, 2010 at 10:54 AM.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Sunny Florida
    Posts
    112

    Default Re: Losing the bond

    I'm still fairly new to the breastfeeding as my LO is 5 weeks old. Your original post was very touching and made me realize not to take this amazing time I have with my daughter for granted. I originally thought I would only BF for 3 months until I went back to work so that she would get the health benefits from it, but I'm loving it so much, and its so much more than just the health benefits now that I know I'm going to go much longer! I also could not have made it the first few weeks (and even some days here and there now) without this site and all of the support/advice from all of you and reading about your experiences. I'm so glad everything worked out for you and I hope you continue to visit us here to share your experiences and wisdom!
    I'm a proud first time mommy , born 10/19/2010 and a wife to an amazing husband

    Birth 10/19/2010: 7lbs 3oz
    3 days old 10/22: 6lbs 6oz
    2 1/2 weeks old 11/05: 6lbs 14oz
    4 weeks old 11/17: 7lbs 15oz
    8 weeks old 12/15: 10lbs
    4 months old 2/28: 14lbs

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: Losing the bond

    I have followed your story on and off, Paige, but never did catch what D was allergic to, in the end. And how has the intro of solid foods went?

    And yes, while I haven't had to deal with allergies, I appreciate your presence here--with all your knowledge and all you've experienced!

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    miles from nowhere
    Posts
    11,107

    Default Re: Losing the bond

    Thanks ladies.

    Erin, we still don't know all of his allergies or more accurately we don't know what all he reacts to. As far as foods go he has tested positive to dairy, eggs, peanuts, some tree nuts, garlic, chicken, pork, some legumes (so we avoid almost all including soy), and wheat (he's also tested negative so we've trialed it twice but are still avoiding). We also avoid all the more common allergens like fish and shellfish, strawberries, peas and some random things like peaches and cherries because they are closely related to almonds, which he's tested highly positive for. Basically we have to go really slowly with trialing foods and we can't always tell whether he's reacted or not because his skin is almost always broken out so unless there is a super big reaction we can't be totally sure. So he's still on a pretty limited diet and still gets the majority of his nutrition from elemental formula.

    I do think he is outgrowing some of his reactivity, whether that means he's outgrowing some allergies or whether his body is just able to deal with things better now I'm not sure, but the end result is that he is feeling better so that's a positive. He's also gaining weight really well and catching back up with his growth curve. He was up to 10%ile at his last visit, which was a pretty huge deal for us. He's been on a zinc supplement for several months and that has made a really big difference in his growth and the condition of his skin.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    2,005

    Default Re: Losing the bond

    I can't believe D is almost 2. TFS your story as you make your way.
    Proud mom of 2 boys, both weaned gradually and with love.


    Find a local LLL leader

    For each and every one of us, the person from whom we can learn the most is our own baby: listen to him. - Mary White, LLL co-founder

    The best-kept secret in child psychology is that children who were never spanked are among the best behaved."
    Murray Straus, Ph.D.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    2,552

    Default Re: Losing the bond

    Beth

    Exclusively pumped for Lance Oct 07
    Nursed until just before he turned 3 Levi Oct 09

    Do you have extra milk? Consider donating!
    http://www.hmbana.org/:

    "So I was welcomed by the consolations of human milk; but it was not my mother or my nurses who made any decision to fill their breasts, but you who through them gave me infant food, in accordance with your ordinance and the riches which are distributed deep in the natural order." -St Augustine

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: Losing the bond

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*norasmommy View Post
    Thanks ladies.

    Erin, we still don't know all of his allergies or more accurately we don't know what all he reacts to. As far as foods go he has tested positive to dairy, eggs, peanuts, some tree nuts, garlic, chicken, pork, some legumes (so we avoid almost all including soy), and wheat (he's also tested negative so we've trialed it twice but are still avoiding). We also avoid all the more common allergens like fish and shellfish, strawberries, peas and some random things like peaches and cherries because they are closely related to almonds, which he's tested highly positive for. Basically we have to go really slowly with trialing foods and we can't always tell whether he's reacted or not because his skin is almost always broken out so unless there is a super big reaction we can't be totally sure. So he's still on a pretty limited diet and still gets the majority of his nutrition from elemental formula.

    I do think he is outgrowing some of his reactivity, whether that means he's outgrowing some allergies or whether his body is just able to deal with things better now I'm not sure, but the end result is that he is feeling better so that's a positive. He's also gaining weight really well and catching back up with his growth curve. He was up to 10%ile at his last visit, which was a pretty huge deal for us. He's been on a zinc supplement for several months and that has made a really big difference in his growth and the condition of his skin.
    Gosh, I can't even imagine.... You are such a good mama!

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

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