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Thread: Setting nursing limits

  1. #1
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    Oct 2008
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    Default Setting nursing limits

    DD will be 17 months old next week. She's still very attached to nursing even though I have no milk left due to pregnancy. It's becoming more and more uncomfortable to me the farther my pregnancy progresses, and it's starting to make me resent nursing a lot. I don't want to feel this way. I've even toyed with the idea of weaning, though I know deep down I don't want to fully wean. The sessions we truly enjoy together I wouldn't miss for the world, but the way things have gotten the last month or so I feel like I have a toddler dictating what I do with my body, where and when, no questions asked. It has me really dreading tandem nursing.

    My main issues are with how she asks (errr, demands) to be nursed and feeling like we have no boundaries during a nursing session. When she wants to nurse it's hands down the shirt, licking my chest, and crying if I don't "give in" within 30 seconds. When we do nurse, she's constantly slapping my chest, trying to twiddle the other side, kicking and squirming around, putting my face where she thinks it should go (which is actually kind of sweet - she likes me to have my head down on my shoulder looking at her - but it's not so sweet when she grabs my head and pushes it down when ever I try to look at anything else)

    She's also wanting to nurse constantly, all day long. She has been sick, so hopefully that will settle down once she's totally better, but it's seriously got me freaking out over how I'm going to deal with this and a newborn.

    I guess this is mostly just a vent. But I'd welcome any thoughts and/or advice from mamas who have BTDT. I'm getting really burned out on nursing, which isn't the best thing on earth when I've got a new baby coming in a little over 2 months time!
    Mama of two precious girls
    DD1 born 23 July 2008 and
    DD2 born 14 January 2010

  2. #2
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    Oct 2008
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    Default Re: Setting nursing limits

    Bump...

    Anyone have any pearls of wisdom for me? I'm still feeling very "over it"...and confused. In an ideal world I'd like to get her down to just nursing at bedtime, since this seems to be the session she's most attached to. Getting rid of it at naps will be a feat and a half, but I can't keep at it feeling this way. It's not fair to either one of us.
    Last edited by @llli*sentimental.geek; December 16th, 2009 at 07:25 AM.
    Mama of two precious girls
    DD1 born 23 July 2008 and
    DD2 born 14 January 2010

  3. #3
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    Jun 2008
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    Default Re: Setting nursing limits

    My toddler has been increasing his nursing sessions to the point that he sometimes nurses every few minutes. I am finding that he does it as a default when he's at a loss as to what to do next. So if we keep busy (which I know probably sucks, being that pregnant!), he will happily go many hours in between, but let me sit down? He's all over me again. I'm having pretty good luck diverting his attention by jumping up to do something fun when he asks and I don't want to nurse.
    Teal

    25 May 96 and 14 January 08 and 27 February 2012

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Setting nursing limits

    My 2yo is quite the same as Teal's and yours. Very demanding about his nur-nur, squirmy, grabby, poking. The only time that it's sweet in during the night and in the early mornings. And the night time ones are driving me crazy too b/c I'm so exhausted and I just want to get some sleep!!!

    I think you'll just need to get firmer with your responses with her if you want to start to shape her behavior. Now shaping her behavior does not happen quicky and the effort comes 100% from your part right now. I know this is hard when you are pregnant and worn out already. But with constancy and patience you should have enough time to instate some limits before LO2 is born.

    What *I* would do is something like this. (And we have been instating limits at bedtime and are continuing to plan for night weaning too.) When DD hits or twiddles or grabs your face hold her hand and say "mommy doesn't like _______". Do it in a soft voice but be to the point. If they do it again then I would say, "Please do not _________. If you do it again I will put you down." If she does it again, well, you gotta gently and softly put her down. Just make it matter of fact. X action produces X response, matter of fact, without emotion. LO usually won't like X response which means the end of a session. If DS is super upset I usually say something like "Okay you can come back up but no more ________ or you will get back down." Then I let them have one more try. If not they get back down and I stand up and repeat to them why the session was ended like "We're done nursing for right now b/c mommy doesn't like to be hit." Then we do something else for a bit.

    With DS who loves his nur-nur, we never really get to ending a session all the way. Just seeing that he will be put down is usually enough to curb the action I don't like. But all children are different and need to test the waters their own way so you may have to do it a bit different for your child.

    Your DD is probably old enough now to have these types of limits set. She needs to know that Momma is a person too and does/does not like things just like everyone else. Momma is not a door mat to walk all over and demand things from. You can also start to teach signs for "please" and "thank you" or teach her to to say these things if she's verbal now. I have taught DS to say "nur-nur please" when he want to nurse instead of yelling "NUR-NUR! NUR-NUR!!" and pulling at my clothes like he was before.

    Also if you are trying to avoid some sessions I suggest not sitting where you usually nurse. Or sometimes not sitting at all. I notice DS asks more if I sit in our chair or if he's bored. I do daycare so I can keep him pretty busy but I don't sit in our chair unless it's nap time or bed time. It's kinda exhausting but it becomes a habit. I don't know how this will work for you being pregnant though. I hope this helps some!
    Jen - mom to 3
    DD who I FF
    I survived 10 painful mastitis infections and managed to nurse DS1 till he was 3 years and 7 months
    and now DS2 4 years now working on gentle weaning and


    "Pride is one of the seven deadly sins; but it can not be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues - faith and hope." Charles Dickens

  5. #5
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Setting nursing limits

    I remember thoose days with my phillip. It just hurt so much and he wasn't getting much milk.

    I just started telling him that he could only nurse in bed.
    And 9 out of 10 times If I asked if he wanted to go to bed he would say no way.
    Sometimes when he would ask I would get him a snack or a sippy of cows milk instead.

    IF it's not working for you its way ok to change things!

  6. #6
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    Oct 2009
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    Default Re: Setting nursing limits

    I've never been where you are (yet) but Dr. Sears would say "if you resent it, change it!" and nursing is supposed to be mutually agreeable. It sounds like it's time to set some boundaries with your lo so that it remains enjoyable for both of you.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Setting nursing limits

    I really like Jen's advice on limits.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Setting nursing limits

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sixyearplan View Post
    I really like Jen's advice on limits.
    Thanks! Have I ever told you how much I your avatar? AND now you have my most fav quote from Nin?!?!?! You're cool!!!
    Jen - mom to 3
    DD who I FF
    I survived 10 painful mastitis infections and managed to nurse DS1 till he was 3 years and 7 months
    and now DS2 4 years now working on gentle weaning and


    "Pride is one of the seven deadly sins; but it can not be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues - faith and hope." Charles Dickens

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Setting nursing limits

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*proudmamaof3 View Post
    Thanks! Have I ever told you how much I your avatar? AND now you have my most fav quote from Nin?!?!?! You're cool!!!
    Thanks mama! It's my favorite Nin quote too!

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