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Thread: called a "nut"

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Montreal
    Posts
    2,313

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    I haven't read all the other responses.

    Is it possible, in your situation to just not mention it for now? I don't mean avoid it - by all means discuss it if it comes up. I just mean that your baby is very young still and as she grows he may get more used to the idea of you breastfeeding, and get used to the relationship you and your daughter have.

    When I first had my DD I told my DH (and everyone else who asked) that I'd breastfeed for 6 months. I knew nothing at the time. I thought 6 months was when children switched to solids and she wouldn't need my milk anymore. As time went on, I learned and we nursed accordingly, as did DH. I changed my answer to "well we'll take it as it comes" when people asked me how long I was planning on nursing for. If anyone asked more specifically than that (which in my case didn't really happen) my answer was honest. "I don't know".

    The first time we went out in public and the baby needed to be fed, Dh suggested I take her to the bathroom. I looked at him like he was nuts and said "I'm not going to feed her in the bathroom". That was it, he never said anything again and it didn't turn into a fight. He just hadn't thought about it fully until it came up. He got used to me feeding in public. Then once I was comfortable and I got used to it, he even got used to me nursing without a blanket in public.

    As our daughter grew, we adjusted. We learned as we went - all of us.

    Maybe if you give it some time and just let the relationship naturally progress your DH will be less opposed to it.
    Amanda
    Formerly: baby-blue-eyes

    Canadian Mum to Naomi Born 03/17/08 and has a dairy allergy we are hoping she will outgrow. Nursed for 1 year
    And Gavin Born 01/13/10. 22 months, still nursing and already determined to find every possible way of giving me a heart attack with his dare devilishness

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    5,883

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    Mama, you are 100% supported by scientific research on the subject of BF and attachment parenting. Here is a good article (and website):

    www.mother-2-mother.com/wisdom.html

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    nutty here too.
    With our 1st my hubby bugged me about when I was going to quit

    But after he saw that it was less work for him he was all for it, plus I kept pointing out how much formula cost at the store.

    My last baby didn't wean untill after her 4th birthday and it was something at that point that was just between her and me. He didn't even know that we were still nurseing.
    If my mil would have known she would have pitched a big fit but she raised her kids the way she saw fit and thats what I do with mine.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    18,063

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    you might find something that will help here also

    http://www.llli.org/NB/NBcriticism.html



    oh and don't be afraid to look up your local LLL group thats a great place to find like minded moms!

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Alberta-Canada
    Posts
    729

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    I'm sorry he's being so insensitive to you I too have been planning on only BF for a year... but after researching it & being on here I want to BF longer as well... My boyfriend fully supports this... I even share some of the funny things from this site ( like the cute/funny stories about others toddlers and what they do/say during BF) I also showed him the move trailer and asked if he would watch it with me he said sure y not.

    Maybe see if your DH will watch the movie it with you in the privacy of your own home to better understand it and/or read the literature on it make a pro's/con's list together and have an open discussion about it ( find out what his concerns are and reassure him about your decision), try and communicate (without becoming angry/defensive) how important this is to you. ALso could he be feeling left out? cause your BF and he doesn't feel he can help? maybe expressing a bottle a day so he can help feed your LO? ... is there any support groups that you two can attend together on BF and into the toddler years to get him accustomed to the idea?
    Last edited by @llli*manddbp; November 20th, 2009 at 08:03 PM. Reason: mommy brain
    I'm Melanie and back to being a SAHM again... which is lovely!
    Mom to DD1 Peyton born June 22, 2009 @ 4:40pm (39 weeks & 6 Days) 7 lbs & 6 Oz... Successfully BF for 25 months!
    Mom to DD2 Sadie born March 3, 2012 @ 1:44am (39 weeks & 1 day) 6 lbs & 9 Oz

  7. #17

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    Ouch! Those comments hurt!
    I agree with previous posters-- right now, your dh is fully entrenched in the bottle-feeding culture--he simply can't envision anything different yet. Just do what you know is best for your baby, and I'm pretty sure that he will come around as the months go by.

    As for your mil, I would be cautious right now about leaving her with your baby without you there, at least until some more time has passed and she has hopefully learned more about breastfeeding. If she questions you, you could calmly explain that you are breastfeeding and it's very important to you. Her previous actions really rocked your trust and it will take some time to regain that.

    I had a situation come to a head with my mil, who formula-fed all four of her children (that was the "norm" at that time). I suspect that women who bottlefed (especially in the 50's and 60's) have some level of guilt, even if that emotion doesn't surface where they can recognize it. So much research has come out about why babies should be breastfed that I think deep down these moms are wondering if they were "good enough" mothers. My mil questioned my continued nursing of her granddaughter. She lived with us so I had to deal with the situation. Thinking about my theory, I explained that breastfeeding was very important to me and it was working well for us. I also thanked her for being such a great mom-- after all, she raised the man who I thought was wonderful enough to marry! I think I hit a (good) nerve with her, because she never questioned my breastfeeding dd again.

    I'll share a story that I heard at an LLL conference some years ago. A mom was getting lots of pressure from her dh (who was getting lots of pressure from his family) to wean their son, who was over a year old. Mom thought about the prospect, then told dh, "Breastfeeding is a very valuable tool in my mothering toolbox. It provides food, comfort, calms an overtired or tantrumming child, heals boo-boos, keeps him healthy..... I will wean him if you can provide me with another mothering "tool" that works as well." Dh thought about that for a bit, then said, "Go ahead and keep nursing. I can't suggest anything better. "

    Hang in there! Time will prove your instincts.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    69

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    I am sooo happy to be a nut and so is DD

    What your DH said it so hurtful and disrespectful. He needs to do some research IMHO or talk to me


    Sending you many hugs mama. Who cares what you IL are going to think about you. Do what's best for you and your baby.
    28 y/o, happy wife to C
    doula, placenta lady, lactivist, non- vax, , , mommy to H (7/08)
    **Swagbucks anyone?** **Search, earn, redeem**

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    103

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    Well, DH and I had always planned to wean DD when she turned 1, but then her birthday came last December and she was barely eating solids at all (and some days not at all) and wouldn't drink cow's milk and I had no doubt that she wasn't ready to wean yet (it had been on my mind as she was approaching 1 that I didn't want to quit BF'ing just then anyway). I had a conversation with DH about weaning and his response was, "Oh, no! You can't! Not yet, she's not ready yet to wean!" But I know if I had discussed this with him when DD was under 6 months old, he would have been shocked that someday he would be perfectly fine with me BF'ing a 23 month old.

    I'm sorry what your DH said to you was hurtful. There is the possibility he might change his mind as your LO gets older and he sees how attached your LO is to BF'ing (at least in my DD's case, she is a booby fanatic). I am lucky though in that MIL BF DH and I am sure would have coslept with him too if FIL weren't such a restless sleeper. In fact, I think my MIL is a bit envious of us that we cosleep with DD and she never got to with her kids. (But my mom on the other hand is convinced cosleeping and extended BF'ing is horrible.)

    DH has done a complete turnaround with parenting decisions he made before DD was born. (Me too, in fact, I swore up & down we'd never cosleep and here we are still cosleeping.) He was against cosleeping until he saw how much rest it allowed us all to get & how much happier I was as a result. When we talk about transitioning DD to her own room, he now is of the opinion DD will let us know when she's ready to sleep on her own. He had said he believed we should spank if necessary but has since changed his tune (I was spanked & swore I never would do that to my child), and I know now DH would never spank DD (in fact, he is by far the more lax parent while I try to enforce boundaries and guidelines). He wasn't against CIO until he realized just how horrible it was to hear your child cry and not be able soothe her--if I were gone and she wanted me, for example (in fact, DD's crying seems to bother him more than me, even when she is obviously just having a temper tantrum because she's not getting her way with something). We've had to adjust to parenting concepts over time and as we realized we had a very high needs baby who wasn't going to be easily soothed by conventional methods or would happily sleep in a crib. Hopefully, your DH will come on board as time passes.
    Last edited by @llli*clb.1812; November 22nd, 2009 at 08:59 PM.
    Cheryl

    Mommy to Tessa Noelle 12/14/07

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    421

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    I have to say that your husband sounds quite immature. The fact that he would criticize you for being "always attached" to your three month old baby...I can't help wondering whether he's jealous of you devoting so much time to your LO (and just doesn't know how to say this to you, so instead he is attacking your style of parenting). Does he help very much with taking care of your LO? Because it doesn't sound like he understands the needs of a very young baby. What does he do if he's holding her and she cries? Will he put her down and let her CIO?

    I think it's important to try to figure out what's *really* bothering him. He doesn't seem to respect your opinion--or he doesn't want to listen to anything you have to say anymore about breastfeeding. Do you have a pediatrician who's supportive of attachment parenting and breastfeeding--preferably a male one (this is just a hunch)? Perhaps your husband will take all this more seriously if he hears it from a doctor--"it" being that you can't spoil a baby at three months and that it needs to be held, that breastfeeding is good for the baby, etc.?

    Lots of to you. DH can be a bit old-school and insensitive at times, so I can sympathize.

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