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Thread: called a "nut"

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    45

    Unhappy called a "nut"

    Hi Ladies,

    I need some advice my baby is only 3 months old and I was only planning to nurse her for one year but since being on this forum and really reading up on BF I wish to continue and let her self wean and I'm hoping we can have a long beautiful nursing realtionship I love nursing her and want her to have all the benefits.
    As for the advice, last night when my husband came home and i was cooking dinner I mentioned that breastfeeding documentary that was coming out I was all excited His response was "That's weird" I asked him why? He responded whod waant to see that. I said I would many moms and every woman that is thinking of having a child should see it. He laughed at me...ugh
    Later as I was nursing I started to tell him that I wanted to nurse Emmie until she was at least 2 He said no way that so weird. It hurt my feelings he went on to tell me how since I had her Ive been acting so weird. Whats so weird I said he responed all you think about is nursing and your scared to put her down shes always attached to you. You want to breastfeed her when she can talk and ask for it thats gross! Your becoming one of those "nuts"
    One of those nuts? what! I got really pissed off and just couldnt believe what he was saying to me. He always supported that I breastfeed not that hed care if Id switch to formula tomorrow but he never put me down.
    I tried to tell him the facts and health benefits but his eyes just seem to glaze over. "its only for babies" .. . (2 years old is still a babyto me)).
    I want to resolve this with him now so its not hanging over my head and so he clearly understands that i am going to nurse as long as I can.
    I think he takes things I say about how much better BM is the Formula personally because he was formula fed.
    I posted another thread about my MIL sneaking formula into my home and trying to give it to my baby while i was away maybe he's worried about his familys reaction
    But to call me a "nut" that plain hurt is it nuts to want whats best whats normal.
    Any experience with DH that arent really into x-bf

    thanks sorry for the rant
    NAk sorry for weird typos
    Elizabeth 1st time SAHM
    since Birth and loving it

  2. #2

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    Please don't let that get to you. I know that it's hard to hear your DH say something like that, but once he realizes the benefits you are giving your daughter, he may change his mind.

    My DH fully supports our BF. My DD is 14 1/2 months old and she is EBF. At first when I told him that I wanted to BF past 1 year, he was also in the school of "that's weird". If she can ask for it then that's what makes it weird. Well here we are months past that and DH is fully on board. He recognized the benefits of the nursing relationship....not only the health one, but the bonding ones as well, and he thinks it is very natural. Especially now since much of the medical data from the AAP and WHO supports BF at least until 2 now.

    I hope this helped a little bit. Just know that you are doing the right thing and try not to let the rest of his family get to you.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    TX
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    2,197

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    That was a really hurtful thing for him to say. The entire conversation.

    If it helps any, my SO is NOT okay with extended breastfeeding as a concept. And since before our son was 1, he's been asking me when I thought we'd be done nursing. Each time I've said by the time he was 3. And each time, SO's said that wasn't okay with him. He gave an alternate time to be done. And each time our son has reached that age, SO still thinks he's a baby and revises his end point. I think he realizes how much easier it is if we still nurse. Easier on SO, I mean.

    Just keep on keeping on. You're doing a good thing.

    And you're right. 2 is still a baby. My boy will be 2 in January, and he can't talk yet. It's not gross to nurture your baby. It's what we're designed to do, and what our babies deserve.
    Teal

    25 May 96 and 14 January 08 and 27 February 2012

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,710

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    I'm sorry that your DH and you are disagreeing about this, and that he's saying hurtful things.

    My only advice is to take it one day at a time. As duckpond said, it might take some time for him to come around, but he may get used to the idea. I know a lot of people (myself included) had very different ideas about what is an appropriate length of time to nurse before having our own children. For fathers it can be harder to make those changes in mindset, because their biology is different. Getting confrontational right now about it might just backfire.

    Your baby is still very small. There is time to figure all this out. Good luck!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    111

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    Well, you're surrounded by other like-minded "nuts" here! And we'll stick together and give you whatever support we can! You are doing what's best for your baby, and you know it. And that's the most important thing.

    I know what you mean about DH's 'eyes glazing over'. We were discussing(arguing) about starting solids. And I would spout off statistics and facts from kellymom.com, here, etc about waiting til 6 months, at least. He wasn't really listening, just getting defensive about advice I was trying to take from "just a bunch of moms".

    So, what worked for me, was to print out some stuff, and HIGHLIGHT the important points. I said "I know you have a lot on your mind, but maybe when you have a minute, you can just read this to know where I'm coming from". That way, it wasn't confrontational, and I wasn't there hanging over him when he read it.

    Couple days later, we go for DS's 4 month checkup, and Dr gave us the OK to start solids. I just sat there and said nothing. DH then said "actually, we're going to wait til he's 6 months". Dr said "that's great, keep on doing what you're doing".

    I know it's hard not to jump all over them with facts and reasons when they are so clearly WRONG, but maybe somehow let him feel like he has a decision in this too.

    Good luck!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    19,889

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    Your DH is a nut if he thinks that being so insulting to you about something you care about is in any way useful to you, or to your relationship as a couple.

    That being said, other than letting him know that he was being a jerk, I would leave the extended breastfeeding issue alone for now. Your baby is still really young, and your DH probably can't quite envision what she'll be like a year from now, or how much of a baby she is still going to be, or how much she's still going to need to nurse. A lot of guys who think extended BFing is weird really come around at the 12 month mark, when they realize that the baby is still a baby, and that breastfeeding makes their lives so much easier. What dad is desperate to lose sleep coping with a sick, cranky, teething, or hungry baby when he could just lie there and let the wife deal with it because, hey, she has the boobs!

    So give him time. And if the time comes where you're getting pressure from him to start weaning, I recommend the following resources:
    When to Wean
    Extend Breastfeeding's Benefits

    The American Academy of Pediatrics policy statement on Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk

    Unraveling Breast Milk
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,097

    Default Re: called a "nut"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*turtle23 View Post
    Well, you're surrounded by other like-minded "nuts" here!
    I wonder what kind of nut I am...I'll go with Hazelnut.

    I'm sorry he said those hurtful things to you, mama. You're doing the right thing, and it's not weird, gross, or any of the other things he said to you. Follow your instincts!

    Mama of two precious girls
    DD1 born 23 July 2008 and
    DD2 born 14 January 2010

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    MY NEW HOUSE!!!!!!!!
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    Default Re: called a "nut"



    I am so sorry he's being like this. It is so great that you want to give your LO the very best, and he needs to either get on board or just keep his mouth shut. Even if he doesn't agree, there is NO reason for name-calling. If I were you, I would print off some information about the benefits of BFing beyond 1, and also some info comparing rates of BFing in the US compared to the rest of the world, and then next time he says something you have info that shows it's actually Americans who seem "wierd" to the rest of the world for NOT BFing our LOs. Nothing like cold hard facts. You are doing the very best thing for your LO, and you need people who support you. It seems like he might be getting his ideas from his MIL, and I can't help but wonder if perhaps she's angry or upset about it because she feels some resentment or guilt over her not nursing. Whatever it is, next time it comes up, stay calm and explain to him that speaking to you like that is not going to change your mind and is only hurting your feelings. Tell him that you have done your research on the subject and then give him the info, and tell him that once he's read it, you can discuss it again. But tell him also that even if he still disagrees, there is no reason for fighting and name-calling over it, and that if he can't get be supportive, he at least needs to keep quiet about it. In the meantime, I wouldn't start anything over it, just save it peacefully for when you need it again.

    And just for good measure, here's another for you MIL. I can think of a perfect word for her, but since we're on a public forum, I'll refrain from saying it.
    Last edited by @llli*mamamommy3; November 20th, 2009 at 01:02 PM.
    I'm Shannon!
    Single, babywearing, barefoot in the grass mama to 3 wonderful babies!
    Abby 11-25-03
    Terry 9-29-06
    Kate 6-12-08
    and my Jack 11-17-02, gone to God at 11 weeks



    "While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."

    "I am going to be happy today, though the skies may be cloudy or gray. No matter what comes my way, I am going to be happy today."

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    Default Re: called a "nut"

    My advice it just keep breastfeeding and don't ask for his input. I had to do that with DH. He gave up on trying to change my mind about it a long time ago. I am the type that digs in my heels when pushed. Do what you want to do, what you know is best and let it all roll off your back. And who knows, he may suprise you. He'll see the benefits, he'll see how your child doesn't have 7 ear infections by 1 year and less sick in general. Mine did. He's even made comments about how healthy DS is and agreed that it is because of BM. He is still a little uncomfortable with bf, but knows it's best and why I do it. BTW, my DS turned two in July, so that makes him...let me think about it 28 months old and I am still bf. No end in sight. DH doesn't even comment anymore, ever.
    We got your back. Vent to us, we understand.
    AND a BIG for knowing what is best and sticking to it!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    Good ole ATX y'all!
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    Default Re: called a "nut"

    I'm happy to be a nut I guess!!

    I'm sad that your DH is showing this resistance. Lots of women come in contact with negative views on toddler nursing but it's harder to have that come from home.

    FWIW my DH was not breastfed and was not educated at all about it nor was he really sure that he liked the whole bfing idea from the get go. All the babies at his work are FF. All his friends either FF or bf'd for 6 months and weaned to formula. He just didn't have the experience to know what it was like.

    His evolution has come in phases. After seeing me bf DS and seeing how wonderful it was, seeing how we all got to sleep by bfing and co-sleeping, his opinion changed.

    Then when DS turned one he realized that he's was still such a baby and it was natural and fine with him to keep bfing. Now DS is turning 2 in a week and he's a full on lactivist! He comments on the mothers who FF at work who are having so many digestive problems with their babies (DS never even spit up!), he totally has my back for however long we continue to nurse, and there is no end in sight.

    My advice is take a breath and be patient. If you are meeting resistance from him just slowly introduce more info to him as time goes on. During that time he'll make his own observations and come around. Tell him you are not attacking the way he was fed or how his mother fed him as wrong. It's just with more medical research we advance (and that's in every sector of medicine not just BF research).

    Who can tell, you might have an early self weaner and you're stressing over nothing! Take it day by day.
    Jen - mom to 3
    DD who I FF
    I survived 10 painful mastitis infections and managed to nurse DS1 till he was 3 years and 7 months
    and now DS2 4 years now working on gentle weaning and


    "Pride is one of the seven deadly sins; but it can not be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues - faith and hope." Charles Dickens

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