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Thread: I don't understand... What does paci offer that I can't? Really bummed... :(

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    923

    Default I don't understand... What does paci offer that I can't? Really bummed... :(

    I just spent an hour trying to nurse DS to sleep. He'll lay in a nursing position as long as he has paci in his mouth. When paci falls out or I take it out to switch to my breast, he arches his back and screams like I"m hurting him! This last time when he cried, I used to chance to place my breast in his mouth and pulled him in closer. This made him cry more and more. What does that damn paci offer that I can't? I'M his mama.... Why won't he use me more comfort??? I just don't understand... This is so discouraging... I just spent an hour trying to get him to take my breast once he fell asleep in my arms. I could've been pumping for that hour. Or doing something else. Instead I though I would try because he will let me hold him that way... I thought maybe once he started dosing I could pull paci out and replace with my breast. Nope, he becomes Mr. Lockjaw when I offer my breast.

    What gives???

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,198

    Default Re: I don't understand... What does paci offer that I can't? Really bummed... :(

    Felicia, please please take this response in the spirit intended. You know I care about you and what you are going through and I'm writing this with that motivation. I'd like to suggest that you take a deep breath and try to step back for a moment and think about what you just experienced and wrote from a different perspective. What you are trying to accomplish - relactating - is with the goal of doing what is best for your son, correct? That means that, even though it's taking a TON of work and effort and pain and struggle on your part, it's really, at the core, about HIM and what he needs. Right?? If, from time to time, he is perfectly comforted in your arms (or not) but with a paci and not with your breast, why isn't that OK? You have met his need; he is content and safe and secure and in a loving place. Your need to have him need you and your breast might have to take a second place at that time...kwim?

    I may be completely out of line and I apologize if that's the case, but sometimes, when we are so deeply embedded in working hard towards a goal, it becomes impossible to see the bigger picture. Yes, relactating is somewhat about YOU, but, the bottom line is that tending your baby - with whatever he really needs for his needs at any given time - is about HIM. As parents, it can be a particularly challenging thing to make sure to step back and see - and act upon - that difference.

    Just something to consider.... if it doesn't apply, ignore my words.... You know I'm pulling for you. I know you know that.

    -Linda

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,591

    Default Re: I don't understand... What does paci offer that I can't? Really bummed... :(

    I just have to tell you, and like Linda, I am totally pulling for you, and I have never been in your shoes so there is absolutely no way I can know for sure waht you are going through, but....

    My dd had always wanted her paci for comfort. She never (ok, almost never) nurses for comfort. It sucks! I hate it. But Linda is right. It isn't anything you are doing wrong, its just a baby thing! Take it as it comes and do your best. That is all you can do! Don't get down on yourself or your lo, if you can help it! Take care of your baby, even if that means you are sacrificing some pumping time and not doing the relactating thing perfectly! Please!

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    923

    Default Re: I don't understand... What does paci offer that I can't? Really bummed... :(

    I'm sorry ladies! Thank you for bringing me back to earth! I guess I was so sure that the nursing for comfort thing would work and when it didn't, I kinda lost it.

    I especially enjoyed that time, even while he was sucking on paci, at my breast. He slept with his head right at breast level and I still felt such a powerful bond with him, even though he was 'nursing' on paci. It was such a wonderful feeling to have him so close.

    Thank you ladies for reminding me that it's not all about me! I knew this somewhere down inside as I wrote that but I needed a bit of reminding as well.

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