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Thread: bad advise and lack of sex drive?

  1. #1

    Default bad advise and lack of sex drive?

    Sorry in advance for the TMI, but I don't know where else to turn.

    First, I have a friend that is a nurse. We were at our daughters' volleyball game last Friday and she was teasing LO on how big he is (6 mo old and he weights 22 pounds). She was just joking around when she said....what are you feeding this kid? I replied that I am still breastfeeding. She looked shocked! Why...she asked. I said that I'm important to me, it's cheaper and he'll be so much healthier for it. My other 2 kids were breastfed and they are NEVER sick! She told me...you know, breastmilk only truly has benefits during the first 6 weeks of life and after that not so much. I wasn't sure how to respond.

    Which leads me to my next issue. DH overheard this conversation. He isn't totally against my desire to BF, but he would like me to quit. Since LO was born, I have no sex drive and I attribute it to BFing and the need to share my body with someone other than DH. I love my DH, but I am just not interested in sex right now. And, it doesn't help that he shunned me during my whole pregnancy cuz "it freaked him out".

    Any advice would be helpful. I would like to continue to BF until LO is 9-12 months, but feel like I don't have support in that decision. I don't know how to make him understand. And now, armed with the information "from a nurse" he's convinced that it's not necessary.

    Thanks for you help in advance,

    Heather

  2. #2
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    Default Re: bad advise and lack of sex drive?

    [QUOTE]
    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*nvmom2009 View Post
    Sorry in advance for the TMI, but I don't know where else to turn.

    First, I have a friend that is a nurse. We were at our daughters' volleyball game last Friday and she was teasing LO on how big he is (6 mo old and he weights 22 pounds). She was just joking around when she said....what are you feeding this kid? I replied that I am still breastfeeding. She looked shocked! Why...she asked. I said that I'm important to me, it's cheaper and he'll be so much healthier for it. My other 2 kids were breastfed and they are NEVER sick! She told me...you know, breastmilk only truly has benefits during the first 6 weeks of life and after that not so much. I wasn't sure how to respond.
    This is completly false, and it saddened me that a nurse of all people would say this, especially the bolded part.

    Benefits of breastfeeding

    Which leads me to my next issue. DH overheard this conversation. He isn't totally against my desire to BF, but he would like me to quit. Since LO was born, I have no sex drive and I attribute it to BFing and the need to share my body with someone other than DH. I love my DH, but I am just not interested in sex right now. And, it doesn't help that he shunned me during my whole pregnancy cuz "it freaked him out".
    BFing totally contributes to lack of sex drive. Here is a great article explaining.

    Any advice would be helpful. I would like to continue to BF until LO is 9-12 months, but feel like I don't have support in that decision. I don't know how to make him understand. And now, armed with the information "from a nurse" he's convinced that it's not necessary.

    Thanks for you help in advance,

    Heather
    Despite the bad advice you have received, please stay confident in your decision to breastfeed! You are giving your baby the best possible start in life! Keep coming here for support. We're here to cheer you on!



    I'm Laura, mamma of 2

    5-27-06

    8-30-08

    We love and

    We have been nursing for over 2 years now!

  3. #3
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    May 2006
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    633

    Default Re: bad advise and lack of sex drive?

    WARNING: MORE ADVICE FROM A NURSE!!

    Don't listen to your friend just because she is a nurse. I am also a nurse. I work on an ADULT cardiac/telemetry unit with post surgical patients. It has nothing to do with babies or their feeding. We were not taught much about breast vs formula feeding in school. She doesn't know any more about it than any of your other friends!

    Ok... Rant over...
    ~Jaden Mae 04-05-06~
    --Self-weaned at 21 months--
    ~Avery Lynne 11-27-08~
    --Self-weaned at 23 months--
    ~Elise June 02-12-11~
    --Nursing like a champ--

  4. #4
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    Nov 2008
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    Default Re: bad advise and lack of sex drive?

    You know it always angers me when ppl say that breastmilk is no longer "good" for a baby after 6 months. If that were true, then why would a baby not transition well from breastmilk to cow's milk, or any of the others substitutes we as adults take, at six months. Instead, babies need to take formula or follow-up formulas. Here are other benefits to breastfeeding beyond 6 mo. As for the sex drive, I wouldn't know what to say, except to hand him the info so he understands and supports your decision. Also, I was very particular about our "encounters", he had to help me get in the mood, because I really didn't need it. That meant massages, hugs, many "i-love-yous", and patience. Basically, I had to be reminded of our courting period and his needs, too, w/o being pressured. That always made me forget of being a mommy for a minute and give in. Hope it helps.
    Love is not consolation. It is light. -Friedrich Nietzsche

    I'm Irys, going thru the struggles of being a mom, wife, student, daughter...
    But am hanging on!!!

    Mom to K, born August 16th, 2008
    Expecting A April 7th, 2010

  5. #5
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    Default Re: bad advise and lack of sex drive?

    Let this be a lesson about how grossly misinformed the masses are in our society - especiLly when it comes to breastfeeding. It's disheartening. So, steel your resolve and put your lactivist face on to pave the way for our future, our children, to show that breastfeeding, and extended breastfeeding, are normal and natural.

    Read up at www.askdrsears.com under "Bottlefeeding" if you want a reality check on what feeding your baby formula means in terms of ingredients.

    You have been given good links to read regarding continued benefits. I'll urge you to broaden your horizons and consider nursing beyond 9-12 months. The World Health Organization recommends BF for a minimum of two years. Biologically, children are meant to nurse significantly longer than they do in Western societies. There's not a switch that flips at one year (or earlier) where babies suddenly lose the need to take comfort and nutrition at the breast. There is no basis in nature for humans to rely on cow's milk to meet calcium needs.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: bad advise and lack of sex drive?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sixyearplan View Post
    There is no basis in nature for humans to rely on cow's milk to meet calcium needs.
    I was vegan for a while and remember reading somewhere that we are the only species on earth that drink another species' milk, and still sometimes when I think about it it kind of grosses me out. Give a baby human, human milk. There is no need to give them another species' milk when you are obviously doing great giving her what she is biologically engineered to need.

    for you and to your nurse friend

    Emily, mommy to
    Jeremija Charles - 5/30/07 - nursed 26 mo, and
    Aleksandar Hayes - 12/13/09 - nursing strong!


    "Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you are going to do now and do it." - William Durant

    If you really want to do something, you'll find a way, if you don't, you'll find an excuse.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: bad advise and lack of sex drive?

    "I'm a nurse" or "I'm a doctor" isn't the same as "I know a lot about breastfeeding." If only it were- then there wouldn't be so much bad advice given out at volleyball games! There are so many advantages to breastfeeding beyond infancy, including:
    - Health advantages for baby, like lower risk of obesity and diabetes, higher IQ, even better dental alignment. The longer you nurse, the more health benefits accrue.
    - Health advantages for mom, like lower risk of obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and breast cancer. The longer you nurse, the more health benefits accrue.
    - It's free. Breastfeed and you won't need to spend $1500-$2000 for a year's supply of formula!
    - It's a terrific mothering tool- baby bumps her head, breastfeeding stops her cries.

    If breastfeeding only needed to be done for 6 weeks, why would the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend that it continue for a minimum of 1 year? And why would the World Health Organization recommend a minimum of 2 years?

    Breastfeeding can impact a mom's sexuality, not just because of the physical demands but because breastfeeding inhibits estrogen production. The peak effects of estrogen inhibition tend to be in the first few months of breastfeeding, after which many moms notice a gradual increase in sex drive. Sex drive tends to ramp up when the baby starts eating solids and drinking less milk, and most moms are back to their old selves around the time their periods return.

    If lack of sex in your relationship is causing a problem, then there are things you can do about it that don't involve weaning. A woman's sexuality isn't just about hormones- it's also about sleep, and her method of birth control, and whether or not her partner is making the effort to help around the house and be romantic, instead of just asking for sex at the end of a long, tiring day. And sometimes it's about being like a Nike commercial and "just doing it"- a lot of moms find that if they just do it, they enjoy it, especially if they had a glass of wine and used some lube.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  8. #8

    Default Re: bad advise and lack of sex drive?

    Wow, I am so impressed and flattered that I received so much great advise and information. I will relay all of this information to my DH. Thanks so much ladies!!!

    BTW, I BF both of my older children (17 DS and 11 DD) until they were both around 1 year old and self weaned. I raised those kids by myself for 11 years (their father passed away) and I truly believe that we are closer because of the start that I gave them. They are GREAT kids! I hope that I can give my new LO the same benefits!

    Thank you for making me feel so welcome.

    Heather

  9. #9
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    Default Re: bad advise and lack of sex drive?

    You've already gotten great advice on continuing BF so I just wanted to touch on the sex thing. I finally had to sit DH down and tell him you want sex? Well I want help with dinner and the dishes and 30 minutes to myself. I want to feel loved and valued vs being groped and mauled. And the sexiest thing in the world right now is me seeing you clean without me harping on you to do or you complaining the whole time. After that he finally got it that my desires had changed and if he wanted me to play ball then he needed to learn the rules because the game had drastically changed. I still have to remind him every few months but he's more understanding when he knows where I'm coming from and what improves his odds of getting any
    Goodluck with your DH. And if he doesn't get it then you can come here and complain and we'll be full of and because we've all been there. Keep nursing your precious baby, you're doing the right thing mama.

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  10. #10
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    Default Re: bad advise and lack of sex drive?

    Our local IBCLC MD (who is very well respected nationally for breastfeeding education and research) just came to our mom's group and said that babies get a whole new round of antibodies at 18 months from breastmilk so if you can keep going till then, there are still plenty of benefits to your milk. With cold and flu season in full force I would really encourage you to keep giving your baby the best protection you can.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

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