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Thread: Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2009

    Default Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

    My son is about to turn 1 in a couple of weeks, and I am constantly getting questioned about weaning. I have made it clear, even when I was newly pregnant, that I was not planning to wean any time before 2 and may even wean beyond that if I was lucky enough to be able to nurse for that long. How else can I get my point across without losing my temper? The thought of my son not nursing brings tears to my eyes...just the closeness and staring at each other is the best thing I have ever experienced. Not to mention that I had painful and bloody nursing sessions for the first 4 months. We saw an osteopath, breastfeeding specialists, i had thrush, mastitis, vasospasm, bacterial infections in my nipples, and I cried every time he latched. You would think after seeing all of that determination, they would get it through their head that I don't want to stop...sorry for the venting...I just don;t know what else to say to make them see I am not quitting...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default Re: Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

    Honestly, I'm not sure I'd say anything. It doesn't seem to be sinking in for them anyway, and it's frustrating and hurtful for you. Just keep doing what you're doing, and congratulations on doing a great job in spite of difficult circumstances.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    miles from nowhere

    Default Re: Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

    Depending on who it is that you're trying to convince I'd say who cares if they understand. The only person that I think it is really important in this matter (other than you and your baby) is your DH/DF. Anyone else, after a few attempts to explain I'd probably just tell them it wasn't an issue that I wanted to discuss with them anymore.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2008

    Default Re: Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

    Congrats on making it this far mama! Is there anyone in particular who is asking you so many questions about your BF plans? Like, in-laws, friends, or just people in general? For people I'm not not that close to I always just made it a really short but firm and direct answer with varying amounts of detail: "I'm planning on letting him wean when he's ready" or "we're going to keep going for now, it's what works for us" or "probably until he's 2, and then we'll see where we're at then". The way you phrase it can have a big impact on how much people decide to argue or try to make you feel like you have to explain yourself. I've found that the LESS explanations and "excuses" I use, and the more confidently I project myself, the LESS people are apt to question my decisions. I just state what I'm doing firmly and politely and with a confident and non-apologetic tone. Because you really do NOT ow them any explanation, especially for something so personal and unique as your BF relationship.

    For people whom you want to provide with some more explanation, I would just say that the AAP is now revising its recommendation to say that babies should be BF until age 2 (instead of age one). I would say that your doctor or the medical profession as a whole supports breastfeeding until age 2 (at least). Most importantly, I would make it clear that this is what WORKS for your family.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Not around here as much :(

    Default Re: Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

    Who is bugging you about it? As Paige said - I'd not be as concerned with many others, than your partner...

    But if we know who it is thats questioning it... we maybe can better help you with a reply. Because sometimes I am sure it's not even a question but more of a statement... and since you're so dang proud (and with good reason) of what you've accomplished - you want to be sure they don't misunderstand your goal.

    Click here to find an LLL leader near you...or call 1 877 4 LA LECHE for help now.

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  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006

    Default Re: Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

    When it comes to weaning, your opinion, your partner's opinion, and your baby's opinion are the only ones that matter. Here are some strategies that a lot of moms use when dealing with unwanted advice and pressure:

    - Ignore it, otherwise known as "Pass the bean dip". "When are you weaning?" "When we're ready. Pass the bean dip." "Your baby is one! Time to wean!" "Thanks for your input. Pass the bean dip." "Oh my goodness, you're still nursing? That's sick!" "You're welcome to your opinion. Pass the bean dip." If you give this response often enough, people may eventually realize that you aren't interested in what they have to say, and that you are not going to change your mind.

    - Engage and educate. You can tell the questioner that your pediatrician, the World Health Organization, and the American Academy of Pediatrics all recommend nursing for a 1 year minimum (actually, it's a 2 year minimum as far as the WHO is concerned), and that no-one has ever found any detrimental effects from nursing beyond the age of 1. You can also keep some copies of the following articles in your diaper bag, and pass them out as needed:
    - When to Wean
    - Extend Breastfeeding's Benefits
    - Unraveling Breast Milk

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    St. Louis, MO

    Default Re: Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sixyearplan View Post
    I know how you feel about working too hard to just let it go at a year. It's just getting awesome!

    Don't let it get you down, mama. And don't bother getting angry. Most people are uneducated. You have gotten awesome advice on how to deal with criticism - and even assumptions about weaning.

    Good job making it a year in spite of difficult circumstances.

    Sometimes it's so hard to let things go in one ear and out the other, but if ou can continue to do so, I would.

    I second the "Pass the bean dip" method.

    Congrats on making it a year. It just keeps getting better.

    I'm Laura, mamma of 2



    We love and

    We have been nursing for over 2 years now!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Good ole ATX y'all!

    Default Re: Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

    Yay, you go momma! Congrats for making it a year!

    And I the "pass the dip" response. It's no body's business but you and your baby's.

    FWIW after my sons passed the one year mark they started nursing less in public places. Too much to see and do! Then people stopped asking and I just let them think we had weaned. But DS1 weaned after 3.5 years and DS2 is going strong at 22 months.
    Jen - mom to 3
    DD who I FF
    I survived 10 painful mastitis infections and managed to nurse DS1 till he was 3 years and 7 months
    and now DS2 4 years now working on gentle weaning and

    "Pride is one of the seven deadly sins; but it can not be the pride of a mother in her children, for that is a compound of two cardinal virtues - faith and hope." Charles Dickens

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Vancouver, BC

    Default Re: Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

    Congrats on making it a year!

    I the "pass the bean dip" response, too! Like pps said, it's nobody else's business.

    Plus, you can always come here for support! The LLLadies are awesome!
    I'm Anna
    Proud mama to my 2 little high needs "koala bears":

    Ethan born 8/23/08
    Bfed for 22 months, weaned with love 7/2010

    Lucas, born 1/6/11
    Nursing strong for 19 MONTHS!

    Cloth diapering 1 full-time even though I'm constantly ! Currently in potty training mode. We also and

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2009

    Default Re: Want to continue nursing and feeling pressure...

    We are here, Momma...
    DS just turned 1 yr old yesterday and I've aleady heard it from MIL.
    She thinks I'll nurse him until he's 10...I say WHATEVER!

    We've made it 1 YEAR

    A newborn baby has only three demands. They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three. ~Grantly Dick-Read


    Married to DH since 2001
    Mommy to Mikki 2006
    Mommy to Xander 2008

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