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Thread: Stressed Out!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    1,433

    Unhappy Stressed Out!!

    I not sure what I can do..

    I am really stressed out right now. My dh isn't very supportive of the bf issue. whenever there is any problems he uses the "F" word (formula) as a way to solve the problem..He seems to think that it would be a h*ll of alot easier than the bf feeding..

    So there is lots of tension between us anymore. I have tried letting him know how I feel about this and why it is so important for me and her to have my milk. I even have lecture in bathroom so that he can read for himself all of the benefits that bf has to offer and it shows how formula lacks much of the needed things to help dd to grow and be heathly.

    I know that this is affecting my supply which is causing my dd problems as well.. The biggest time she seems affected by it is the last feedings of the night, it's like she isn't getting enough to eat.. I am working on building a reserve in the freezer so at least she can get bf from a bottle, but with all of this that isn't happening. My best time of day for getting extra milk is first thing in the morning (before she eats I get more)

    So I really don't know what to do or say right now to him. I really need his support bc it really goes a long way in making this whole process easier..

    Any suggestions on what I can do to de-stress to help both my dd and I???

    Thanks
    Jenn
    Jenn SAHM and carseat to

    DD 5 years old , nursed till just shy of 3 yrs old



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,368

    Default Re: Stressed Out!!

    Hi Jenn,
    I am sorry things are so stressful for you right now.

    Many moms have found themselves in your position: Oftentimes dh sees you struggling and stressed out and thinks he is being caring and helpful by suggesting formula (supplementing, switching, etc.). It is difficult for loved ones to see mom struggle, even if they know this is what you really want to do. They care about you so much and want to see you happy.

    Obviously he still doesn't quite get how strongly you feel. I would suggest that you explain to him that you know he cares about you and wants you to be happy, and you appreciate that. But it doesn't really help your situation when he suggests formula. Try to give him ways he can support you. That way he feels like he is doing something. It could be anything: laundry, cooking, changing diapers, taking dd for a few minutes when you need a shower, etc. Maybe if you stress to him that these things are important too, he will understand your stance on this.

    Hang in there! I know is is tough.
    Last edited by LLLKate; September 17th, 2006 at 06:09 PM.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    779

    Default Re: Stressed Out!!

    It might affect him more if you remind him how much formula will cost:

    http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/pre...l#formulacosts

    I can imagine that you're feeling stressed out, but keeping looking to these message boards and remind yourself that you can do it!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    165

    Default Re: Stressed Out!!

    I'm so sorry that you're not receiving support from your DH. That must be really difficult. I'm so fortunate that my DH supports BF. However, he has at times asked if we need to supplement because my DS also doesn't seem to get enough in the evenings. I think he might be going through a growth spurt. The past two nights we have given him a bottle of EBM that seems to calm him down and fill him up. We've also noticed that he sucks down the bottle of EBM very quickly and it takes him a little while to realize that he's full. Then he will calm down and sleep for 4-5 hours straight.
    I agree with LLL that your DH probably hates to see you going through a difficult time, and the only way for him to feel like he's helping you solve the problem is to ask you to stop BF and use formula. You know how men like to solve problems!!! I also think it's natural for men to feel somewhat left out with BFing so this may be his way to feel more involved with your child's nourishment.
    Hope things get better for you. Hang in there!!!

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